Oh do I have a new low in wedding poems for you...

[Weddingpoet]

This is so going to out me but I actually don't care. I went to a wedding this weekend. We had to buy our own evening meal and the invitation said "no presents please, cash gifts only". There was a wishing well at the reception to but cash into (ringing the bell as you did ). This morning I received this corker which, obviously, I needed to share with you at once...

Cash we asked for because cash we need
For our kitchen to proceed
Having checked our wishing well
We think some people might not have rung the bell.
If you’re one who has forgotten
Don’t sit at home feeling rotten
Just use the bank details at the end of this ditty
And you can still contribute to our kitchen kitty

Good excuse, Tess! All the best.

We are awash with talented poets - MNHQ really should not miss this opportunity for another book.

We can have a brainstorm of topics required then a competition for each one. We have covered a fair few, but I reckon there's plenty more!

I LOVE Dido's book of Bride's Nursery Rhymes.

Here's a little something for them...

dido, loved the nursery rhymes.
puny, keep 'em coming!

tess, can we have their email address please? Can't believe that one!!

We could all reply
On your behalf
In rhyme, of course,
Just for a larf.

Hilarious thread; outrageous bride and groom.

There once was a cheeky young pair
Who thought asking for money was fair
They wrote a shit verse
Saying ‘Open your purse’
The response was ‘You haven’t a prayer’

Someone mentioned tidydancer and her gluezilla thread. I think "are you on glue"? would be the best response to the cheeky beyond belief poem!

Wally - forget the wishing wells - set up a 'reply' website. All Mnetters can then forward their sometimes cute, often cheeky and in the OP's case, bloody rude poems, and you can send the response we would all like to - anonymously!

It is psychologically intriguing, though, that there are people who think that converting revolting avarice into revolting verse will somehow take the edge off the horror.

Shows what they think of the intellect of their own wedding guests.

Tess could you not go all British on them and say.

Dear Grabby and Grabbetta

Thank you for the invitation to your "baby shower," which was charming. We loved the way parts of it almost rhymed!

I'm afraid that much as we adore living in America, and all you lovely Americans, "baby showers" are something that we Brits just don't do, so regrettably I won't be attending. Asking for lists of expensive gifts and implying that you will be angry if you don't get them is seen as rather shockingly ill-mannered back in England, I'm afraid. I will buy your lovely baby a small gift once they have arrived, as I usually do for all my good friends. Perhaps we will have become more American by the time you have your next "baby shower."

Hope you have a great time

Love Tess

I so desperately want to know what OP is going to do!

OP, please please deliver them a wishing well full of envelopes. Inside each envelope could be a fabulous mumsnet poem! They seem to be so stupid that it might take reading each and every one to get through to them.

And then send them an invoice requesting your money back

I'm just speechless! Have you replied yet OP?

The cost of our new kitchen
Has set finances a-twitchin'
So instead of get a loan,
We decided to have a moan.

Instead of just enjoying our wedding day,
We decided our guests must pay.
Not only for their wine and meal
But our new kitchen was part of the deal.

Instead of doing this with good grace,
Some did not pay - it was a disgrace.
So we say, that is tosh!
We know you want to give us your dosh!

Just read Tess's baby shower poem. Apart from being speechless
I actually want to meet these people. I want to study them and try and work out their motivation and reasoning behind it. Poor old greed, taken to heights it's never dreamed of before. And a fucking insult to poetry as well.

My gob is absolutely smacked. I've never heard anything like it.

Have you replied OP?

The baby shower situation is as bad. All these people need a stern talking to about being grabby. I would be so ashamed if they were my kids.

BalloonSlayer - I really like that, it's a good idea!

Wait... WHAT

What... The... Actual... Fuck?

Boiled

if you're joining this thread now, you just need to make a gift donation to the Wedding Thread Wishing Well.....

I can't believe wishing wells and money poems are a thing.

What recession, amirite?

I've had a few ideas
Running through my head
And often thought a few of them
Could make a decent thread
But threads are so expensive
You need a smartphone or PC
And then there's internet charges
These days nothing comes for free!
I know you'll want to join me
In my happy thread of fun
So any contribution
Would be most welcome!
So make your contribution

Not sure where that last line came from - but it reinforces the grabbiness

Monetary poetry.

My jaw was already on the floor at the grabby bride and groom. And then I read the baby shower "poem". What is wrong with people!?

I live in the US, my friends threw me a baby shower (as is the custom, hosting your own isn't the done thing as far as I can tell), and I did put together a registry but it had things like dummies and nappies on it. And the things that people got that were off-list were beautiful and thoughtful like hand-knitted hats and cute clothes.

I love all the response poems. Definitely needs to be a book or at the least a website.