Oh do I have a new low in wedding poems for you...

[Weddingpoet]

This is so going to out me but I actually don't care. I went to a wedding this weekend. We had to buy our own evening meal and the invitation said "no presents please, cash gifts only". There was a wishing well at the reception to but cash into (ringing the bell as you did ). This morning I received this corker which, obviously, I needed to share with you at once...

Cash we asked for because cash we need
For our kitchen to proceed
Having checked our wishing well
We think some people might not have rung the bell.
If you’re one who has forgotten
Don’t sit at home feeling rotten
Just use the bank details at the end of this ditty
And you can still contribute to our kitchen kitty

I was thinking Wetherspoons myself, Wally.

Congratulations on your business venture, btw.

Did you say they'd given you their bank details? Transfer them some small piss taking amount- like 25p- with the payment reference You're Worth It.

No 1p with the reference You're grabby

I ran my hand around the sofa
When I got your little note
I only found this week old loaf o'
bread, to add to your tote.
It might do as a brick.

Just hilarious
I love mumsnet for stuff like this!!!

Dear Couple, I know for your wedding
You didn't want toasters or bedding
Or friends or relations
To join celebrations
I think you know where this is heading...
We put cash in your well
At your wedding from hell
And paid for our food
So we all thought it rude
That you wanted more cash
In your email today.
When you get your new kitchen
We'll all still be twitchin'
From having to pay, pay and pay.

I am seriously wondering about inventing a wedding where the guests have to pay for tickets, then marketing it on a Bridezilla Forum.

Look no further linerunner....

www.mamamia.com.au/weddings-marriages/crowd-fund-a-wedding/

crass

I couldn't wish any couple bad wishes though on their wedding day, so no "go to hell" from me even if it does rhyme temptingly with that bloody"bell"
I think their rudeness is more laughable really. I wouldn't let this follow up upset me. But neither would I take any notice of their ungrateful demands for more

< well brung up >

I googled the poem, hoping the wedding couple had been outed/made the press.
On the first page of hits was the project Guteburg version of Jude the Obscure.

I found this ironic.

If I had put a cheque in the wishing well, I would now be considering cancelling it!

....... on a bike!

The rules where I come from, or were:

No cards in the invitations
IF you want to purchase from the list, you ask the Bride's mother if there is one. If not the BM, then the Chief Bridesmaid, and the Bride as a last resort.
Many people will buy something off list, which is the least grabby option.
IF someone gives vouchers or a cash gift, for God's sake don't embarrass the giver by referring to that in the thank you.
Don't even think of asking anyone who is a guest to put their hand in their pocket for a gift, or dinner, or drinks. It costs a fortune to get to and dress for a wedding, be glad that they've shelled out on that.
Finally, ask who you can afford - eg my best friend had 20 people at her wedding.

I know I sound hopelessly out of touch, but if the worst that happens is that you get four toasters, that's why God created ebay!

I'm prepared for the haters, but these rules have always worked in my Circle of friends and family with no fall-outs.

Poor OP!

I have only got to Page 3, but I must raise a glass to LineRunner. Genius

"Fuck your wedding extravaganza
And fuck your shitty wedding stanza"

Pass the deepest sickbag in stock, please.

biscuitmillionaire's poem is brilliant.
The wedding couple and people like them make me sad for humanity. This has been improved by reading all the great poems though.

I am gobsmacked!

Kimaroo said: " The only possible answer is that someone has hacked into their email account and sent the poem as a joke because they were annoyed at having to pay for their own meal. I refuse to believe that people like this exist. It's impossible. No one could be that ungrateful and grabby. "

How about you innocently email them back, saying you think they've been hacked because you have just received a poem asking for money and of course no-one could be that ungrateful and grabby ...?

I am agog to hear more!

Ding dong bell
Sod your wishing well

Whinging and bitchin'
Not paying for you kitchen

Christ almighty. This is outrageous. All of it. The food and the wishing well and then the follow up chastisement email.

They must have worked out a formula like 'we should get £50 per head' then when they counted it, been all indignant outrage that they hadn't got what they 'deserved' -which really is a turd in an envelope after their behaviour. Don't they have any filter/sounding board? Or do you reckon the family also backed them up 'oh you should totally send those stingy cunts an email...'

Perhaps not providing food and expecting your guests to order their own is more common than we think. At my last wedding a friend of DH went to the bar area and asked for a menu and started ordering (we had all literally just arrived and still had our coats on). The champagne was just being poured and i said to her the food will be coming out in an hour (we had a 4pm wedding expecting people to have had lunch beforehand and then were serving a hot running buffet from 6-8pm) and she said 'oh i didn't think there would be food!' What?! Really? you thought you'd go to a wedding where you weren't catered for?

I think this might be my favourite post ever. Along with the replies! Am loving it!

Oh Wally - what must you think?
I came along and zapped your link
before I scrolled on down the screen
and saw what you did really mean.
(Although I must admit a deal
of thoughts 'long lines o' "Is this fuh real?")
I feel I must apologise
For moderating with closed eyes,
and hope this poem makes amends
So we may end as Mumsnet friends.

EllenMN, but what about Wally's lost Wedding Wishing Well business revenue? Only a metaphysical canto can compensate for that.

She was earning £2.50 a week before you interfered.

"They also lack cadence.

For that, they die."

I love you, LineRunner.