Oh do I have a new low in wedding poems for you...

[Weddingpoet]

This is so going to out me but I actually don't care. I went to a wedding this weekend. We had to buy our own evening meal and the invitation said "no presents please, cash gifts only". There was a wishing well at the reception to but cash into (ringing the bell as you did ). This morning I received this corker which, obviously, I needed to share with you at once...

Cash we asked for because cash we need
For our kitchen to proceed
Having checked our wishing well
We think some people might not have rung the bell.
If you’re one who has forgotten
Don’t sit at home feeling rotten
Just use the bank details at the end of this ditty
And you can still contribute to our kitchen kitty

We blew most of our capital on the lovely PDF.
But it's okay, I have a feeling we will be getting a nice commission from this wedding.
If not we will send them a nice letter from the masters of rhyme, our lawyers.

I see I'm buying my meal at your Wedding do, and I'm like
Fk you! Oo oo oo
I guess the money in your wishing well wasn't enough, I'm like
fk you! Oo oo oo
If I was richer
I'd buy a nice dinner
Ha now ain't that no Sht, ain't that no Sht
Although my finances are stretched, I'll still wish you the best with a
F**k you! oo oo oo

Apologies to Cee Lo Green!

Yes. Much better

The purpose of a wedding
Is to start a life together -
Not to grab your relations' cash
For the nest you want to feather.

Okay Thumb as long as I get wank in there too.

Pirate get onto legal - if we can't do the rhyme, we'll call it a crime!

Definitely!

Wally's Wanky Wedding Wishing Wells™

www.WWWWW.com

Ha! Sorry, wally - I really did think you were a wishing well magnate promoting your product!

To make amends, I will repost the truly TERRIBLE selection of craperama masquerading as jolly poetic ditties on the now deleted PDF:

www.topnotchevents.co.uk/Poems-For-Your-Wishing-Well.pdf

read 'em and weep :)

I'm weeping!

I would like to apply for the post of Sneerer in Chief. For an extra cost, I am more than happy to inspect Wishing Well contributions and encourage underperforming donors to up their game via the use of sneer (belittling or intimidation are extra...terms and conditions apply)

Particularly like the one that says 'don't buy us a yacht'...

They are dire.

OMG - wondering where the bit is that says "Thanks to those of you who contributed to our new kitchen - and helped us celebrate our wedding by joining us on the day" - was that bit in verse 2?!

Apart from everything else that is so wrong with this that you hardly know where to start

OMG those poems. All my poetry receptors are bleeding.

OMG, the scansion in some of those is just awful - and those are supposed to be the "pick" of the poems? AURGH!

Somebody must have proof read those and thought - oo, good job!

I feel nauseous.

Letsfacethemusic as long as you don't mind Terence Trent D'Arby crooning next to you....

We were disappointed with our wishing well
No one gave money, gems or peals
By the end guests found a use
they gave us notes filled with abuse.

I sent that to the make a wish not a list company.

WISHING WELL POEMS: 3
If you were thinking of giving a gift, to help us on our way.
A gift of cash towards our house, would really make our day.
However, if you prefer to purchase a gift, feel free to surprise us in your own way.

This one is a thing of beauty.

Some of these make the ops seem quite talented....

The poem appears to have been sent to a lot of people. Sadly BCC'd so no "reply all" fun to be had.

My wonderful posh eccentric maiden aunt has apparently sent a rather terse reply referring to the vulgarity of asking for money according to my spy in the camp mother.

Good for her!

Can I suggest you reply with "What maiden aunt said!" and a nice passive aggressive smiley!

How boring of them to BCC! And what a pity, your aunt could have Reply All'd her terseness and you could have regaled us with it.

I'm still flummoxed about the type of venue that lets people order a meal over the phone and pay for it...

Harvester?
Toby Carvery?

Wow just wow. Brilliant thread too.

A post way further back reminded me that we once went to a wedding where they had a raffle. I kid you not. Everyone had raffle tickets in their plate and there was an envelope in the middle of the table.

I went to a wedding with a raffle but it was free and just for fun (although there were a couple of really generous prizes!). I cant imagine anyone would think it ok to actually charge people!

When did Wedding As Fundraiser become a thing?!