School report 'code' - which ones have you spotted/do you know about?

[PacificDogwood]

Here is my favourite one from when DS2 was 6 (P2 in Scotland):

"DS2 has a very well developed sense of fairness."

Really? I thought, does he? I've never noticed.

Until I realised it translated in to "DS2 feels hard done by very, very easily". That I had noticed

Any other examples? Contributions from teachers also welcome

*lighten

Dd2 is now 20 and we have a collection of school reports along the lines of:
Dementedchild is keen to contribute to class discussions
Contributes enthusiastically to debates
Enjoys group discussions
Has good verbal skills
Can be a little chatty
Etc
Etc
Which all meant that she couldn't shut the fuck up for more than 30 seconds!
She still can't but when I watch her take the mic as lead vocalist in her band and just rock a room full of people, I feel the girl is playing to her strengths!

I loved this one 'X sometimes is engrossed in her lovely ideas' - in other words she daydreams?!

Enthusiastic always means a handful IMO.

DD is a square peg in a round hole and would be described as quirky. Her y6 report said the teacher admired her individuality. I didn't read any negativity in that tbh. I thought it was a lovely thing to say.

I remember one comment in my report along the lines of 'chicaguapa has done well to achieve this [very high] mark, it makes you wonder how well she'd do if she shut the fuck up talked less in class.

We had "DS2 is always happy to talk to adults if there is a problem" translates as DS2 is a big tell tale

Brother once got "Trying" for Art.

Perfect report, & one which I occasionally use myself...

The most memorable comment I ever received was from my art teacher.I freely admit I cannot draw a straight line! He wrote---

"matey works to the best of her ability"

I got 24 percent in the exam that year!

DS has had all the ones about being keen to answer questions = won't let anyone get a word in and thinks he is always right.

We had, "DS has an encyclopaedic knowledge which often comes in useful."
I suspect he is a bit of a know all with no qualms about correcting the teacher.

I am loving this thread, going to dig out DS' preschool report and decode it in the morning.

I nominate for Classics!

My favourite comment, for technology was 'has had experience of tools'. Nuff said, really.

My favourite from my own report was "Galaxy is an asset to the junior choir" - ie sings very loudly.

I think reports would be far duller if you didn't have to read between the lines.

'has had experience of tools'

What: DIY tools or eedjits?

I have proof read all the reports at the junior school I work at for about 10 years, so well over 2,000 reports, and I know that if a teacher is going to make a typo it will inevitably be in a section where they say the pupil must learn to check their work...

My daughter got, X's artwork is very interesting

"Littlescrambled has been quite a character this year" aka extremely naughty. However, he did get two 5Cs and a 4a in his year 6 SATs so he isn't doing too badly academically (sorry had to get that boast in)

Rusty: of course that's where the typo will be. DS1's English teacher copied and pasted the same paragraph into his report twice. Of course it was the paragraph about accuracy and proof-reading.

My school PE report in the 90s said just:
"Poll's games kit is always neat and tidy."

I was useless at the usual school games (but much better at the sports I took up later in life).

AgentDiNozzuro it's always good to feel you recognise the child in question!

For the first couple of years at secondary my PE report said

'Makes a good effort' = kentish is shit at all sports

After that it was
'participates but with little enthusiasm = kentish has realised she is shit at all sports, as have the rest of the class, who all have a go at her about it.

got loads of 'could achieve more' and 'would achieve more with better attendance' and 'pleasing exam result but would benefit from doing homework' = kentish is a lazy moo who skives off all the time and does bugger all work all year but annoyingly enough smashes the end of year exams so gets to stay in the top set and set my teeth on edge.

One teacher wrote 'the problem with kentish is she knows she will pass the exam without having to do all the work', to which me and my parents thought, fair enough, why do the work then?

ds just got for cricket 'choses to take himself away from the actilon' (prefers sitting chatting than actually playing)
and for Spanish - 'valcitates between fantastic homework and no homework at all and should work on making a more effective contribution in class' (yes, hes another one who does nothing all year and smashes the end of year exams and gets to set the teachers teeth on edge for another year!)

My favourite comment from dd's report: "[dd] is very proud of her duel heritage". The teacher was clearly going for dual, but given an unfortunate history of conflict between dd's father and me (well known to the school), "duel" is far more apt. I shall adopt this in future.

My best was:

"Oubliette does no work. She will get an A."

DS got very indignant about "minisquiggle is blessed with an ability to retain what he has learnt and what we have covered in lessons - most mere mortals need a lot of repetition before it sticks" - he says it is down to hard work, not luck - personally I read "minisquiggle needs to be less smug about knowing stuff when his classmates don't"

Cynical, moi?