School report 'code' - which ones have you spotted/do you know about?

[PacificDogwood]

Here is my favourite one from when DS2 was 6 (P2 in Scotland):

"DS2 has a very well developed sense of fairness."

Really? I thought, does he? I've never noticed.

Until I realised it translated in to "DS2 feels hard done by very, very easily". That I had noticed

Any other examples? Contributions from teachers also welcome

[TattiePants]

DS has "a very enthusiastic singing voice". Yep, he can't sing a single note in tune.

[FatalCabbage]

My formmistress hated me - it's only now I can put the pieces of the puzzle together and recognise that she was an incorrigible snob who hated the scholarship girl from the wrong end of town - the irony being that my blood was bluer than the rest of the class. My report from her simply read "Cabbage is critical and intolerant." My parents still absolutely howl at the memory; I find it hurtful and probably projection by the teacher.

The Cabbage offspring are mostly too young for school reports but we've deduced "never shuts up, knowall" from "always keen to contribute"., ,, and "telltale" from "good understanding of the rules".

TwTwatphone thwarts any attempt at editing, sorry.

[MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom]

Anyone got a real definition for 'sweet-natured'?

[readrunraverelax]

"sweet-natured" is just exactly that!!!! If I write that in a report, then I mean it.

"When focused, X can......" means "X is hardly ever focused and would rather chat with his/her friends, muck about, not listen than do what they are meant to be doing."

"With support" means that they can barely do any work unless an adult sits with them.

"Keen to share news from home" would mean that they keep asking to tell you about their rugby tournament/dancing exam/weekend away, and they ask you ten times in one day, and you just do not have time to hear them as the curriculum is so jammed packed, and they would not tell you in a quick way, they would go into too many details, where the rest of the pupils would start fidgeting and being chatty, all while you are pretending to listen to the child and make encouraging noises, when you are in fact really stressed that you have 30 kids who are bored listening to X talk about their dancing YET AGAIN, like they do EVERY Monday!!!!

[MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom]

readrun Yay all my school reports as a child said I was good natured.

Until I had a confidence spurt, got to college and they all say "Natural leader and great communicator". Bossy and never shuts up. Sounds about right

[IHeartKingThistle]

Oh God, DD got a 'when on task works well'. Oh, the shame.

[IHeartKingThistle]

We've had words

[punygod]

One of my science reports stated,

"Puny is too easily satisfied with her work."

Damn right

[Mayme]

As a teacher myself, my standard line for those who really don't have much going on between the ears is to say "x is learning to... " then whatever it is they are unable to do. Also my tactful teacher way of saying they constantly drive me crackers by calling out and I am forever nagging them to shut up is "x is learning the importance of putting their hand up when answering quesitons or contrubuting to class discussions". Another one might be "x is growing in confidence and it is great to see that he has started to answer more questions during carpet time" which translates as "x won't say boo to a goose and would rather sit mutely on the carpet than have a go at answering a question." Have to say, though, I have always loved the kids I have taught and really do try to do my best to write reports that show that I know AND like thier kid!

[EatingMyWords]

In the '70's they didn't mince their words, I was always day-dreaming, talking too much and rubbish at PE!

DS got his report and I think 'he is able to investigate and can use a variety of materials and processes to communicate his ideas and meanings by designing images and artefacts' translates as has used all the sellotape and boxes in the entire school.

I love 'he particularly enjoyed some expressive dance sessions outside'- he ran around like a loon (DH once described his dancing as like a chimpanzee needing a wee).

Does 'he is able to sing confidently and expressively following the shape of the melody' mean he bawls his head off totally out of tune?

[Pico2]

Surely "x is growing in confidence" implies that there is some change going on and x's confidence is greater than it was before. Same for "has started". If the child still won't say boo to a goose then it is a lie to say that they have started to answer more questions.

[OnIlkelyMoorBahtat]

I've got a question one of my reports from my then form mistress (shows age) said "OnIlkey is a very robust young lady."

Now I can hazard a guess what that means, but if you as a teacher wrote that, what would you mean?! I've always wanted to know!

[KittiesInsane]

Tone deaf dd got "MiniEgg sings with enthusiasm" for music last year.

This must be standard usage! DS had the slight advance on that of 'sings with enthusiasm and some sense of rhythm...'

[dilbertina]

Apparently DD2 (R) "is starting to understand the value of negotiation over 'meltdown'. " We are hoping this might become apparent at home one day too...!

[dibdobs]

Haha just reading my two ds' in primary school reports now after reading these posts on here and peeing myself laughing! They ve only been there a short time and its obvious theyve worked out one is totally quiet and the other is a noisy monkey! Lol

[Sleepingbunnies]

I was always 'independent' and 'spirited' I was a fucking nightmare :)

[PacificDogwood]

DD is always keen to share her news from home

OMG, I know! I live in fear every day.
Not helped by the fact that DS2 sometimes Makes Things Up in his 'News' after holidays:
"This Easter holiday we went to Disneyland (we didn't) and I went of the scariest ride (he's never been on anything beyond a kids' carousel) 25 times (in his dreams). My mum was sick (I never!) and my dad cried ()"
I decided not to attempt any kind of correction in case it was felt I protesteth too much….

[Adikia]

DD (Reception) came home with a report saying 'x contributes enthusiastically in class but does need to learn when it is appropriate to be talking and when it is not' and then later in the report 'x needs to practice being quiet' clearly they felt subtlety was wasted on her

[APipkinOfPepper]

Great thread!

We got "minipepper has an enquiring mind" which I assume translates as "asks lots of questions all the time"!

[Ohwhatfuckeryisthis]

Little miss fuckery got "keep up with the netball" from her form tutor. She never ever played netball.
Thing one and thing two (twins) got each other's reports. Eg-thing one "was a valuable member of the rugby team" er no. Thing two "has a lively interest in history" again no. They both had a "relaxed approach to learning." -idle little fuckers.

[TheGrandHighWitch]

I got DS's report home today. Some of my favourites include:

1. With support xxxx will respond to what others have said but usually only if it is a topic he is interested in.
   

1. Xxxx is always willing to put his hand up in whole class discussions and his responses are becoming more relevant.
   

I feel sorry for the teacher and the ta's who have had him this year as it has been a real challenge for him to adjust and we have had a few problems. He has however apparently been a pleasure to teach this year suspect the teacher may have been pissed when she wrote that bit.

I expect DD's report (nursery) on Monday. I am willing to bet that 'sings enthusiastically and often' features on it. Also 'confident', 'popular/has a wide group of friends' and 'needs to learn how to handle disappointment' will be present as well. I.e she is a noisy little madam who won't shut up, will play with everyone but can sulk with the best of them when she doesn't get her way.

[OutwiththeOutCrowd]

From DS's PE teacher this year:

"has worked exceptionally hard to alleviate the difficulties he experiences with spatial awareness, bodily control and co-ordination"

Somehow the fact that it's dressed up as a compliment makes it even more depressing. I'd be happier with a straightforward 'not good at PE'.

[notnowImreading]

My own report from PE read 'Notnow needs to concentrate on controlling her own limbs,' which sounds bad enough but actually means 'Notnow has hit the teacher with a hockey stick more than once this term.'

[SueDoku]

I can remember being very pleased when my usual C- for PE (yes, long, long ago) was C+ one year - with the comment 'Improved' next to it..! Says it all about my sports career....