School report 'code' - which ones have you spotted/do you know about?

[PacificDogwood]

Here is my favourite one from when DS2 was 6 (P2 in Scotland):

"DS2 has a very well developed sense of fairness."

Really? I thought, does he? I've never noticed.

Until I realised it translated in to "DS2 feels hard done by very, very easily". That I had noticed

Any other examples? Contributions from teachers also welcome

[stealthsquiggle]

Also "minisquiggle has his own unique style in answering questions"

[stealthsquiggle]

and as for DD's "minisquiggle2 often has interesting stories and things to share with the class", I am refusing to even think about that it means "I know every detail of your home life and every argument you have", doesn't it?

[YourKidsYourRulesHunXxx]

Reports are a complete waste of time, in my opinion. They're always so namby pamby and vague. I really don't get why people jizz themselves over them and brag about how amazing their children are doing- I think that is shown in this thread, that even the worst behaved children are praised for fuck all. There's even been loads of times when I was in secondary that my friends and I compared reports and they were identical for a lot of classes that had the same teacher. Sometimes I was referred to by the wrong name

If a child was struggling in class, they would hopefully bring it up with the parents before the report. If there was an issue with homework etc, I would hope that it would be flagged up earlier. Likewise if they were gifted or exceptional in particular subjects.

This thread is really funny though

[inthename]

oh and remembered one from last term, Spanish again - she wrote that it was a shame that ds chose to spend most of the lesson being 'flippant and contrary' which I suppose is about as honest as it can get!

[PacificDogwood]

Oooh, we're in Classics

I started school when even primary school children got grades - remember them?
There were separate grades for separate subjects and then one sentence which was a bit of wishy-washy "PD knows how to sit still and concentrate shame she does not do it more often".

[OublietteBravo]

Just had a look at DDs report:

"She has some fantastic ideas and a great imagination but needs to ensure that it is appropriate to the task and not allow herself to be swept away on a wave of creativity." = needs to listen to instructions and actually do the work she has been set.

"xxx has adopted a more controlled approach to her artwork and now works more slowly and carefully. This has had a positive impact on the standard of her work, which has certainly improved." = what the f* was going on with her artwork at the start of the year?!

"The standard of xxx's work has improved noticeably since the start of the year. Her personal organisation had also improved." = actually does her homework ocassionally, and sometimes remembers to bring the right books to school on the right day.

[OublietteBravo]

...and DSs report:

"yyy can talk confidently, although he does need to ensure he listens carefully during whole class teaching time." = likes the sound of his own voice, and tends to talk rather than listen.

"He has experimented with different mediums and techniques to make a very creative self- portrait." = made a huge mess, and the end result looks nothing like him (or any other human being for that matter.

(I don't think either of them is going to excel at art).

[Blossum123]

I'm always told my dd is high spirited I take it that means she is a little sod ?! If someone would like to translate !!!

[Blossum123]

Best one for my older child was " concentrating significantly more this year " I took this as meaning - not such a little twat but would still like to throw chalk in that direction !!

[Lucyccfc]

An old school report from when I was 6, said 'Lucy needs to stop being so bossy or she will end up with no friends'. I haven't changed much!

My report from my biology teacher at senior school said 'I can't comment on Lucy's achievements, as I have never met her'.

My form teacher when I was in my last but one year of senior school wrote 'If Lucy does not take this next year seriously she will end up with no job/future! To my face she actually said that I would end up living in a council house, as a single Mum with a few scraggy kids hanging off my skirt! I think I told her to piss off at the time. I took great pleasure in going back to see her a few years ago and told her about going to Uni, managing a huge national team and earning more money than she did. She was so chuffed - I for a huge hug and a kiss. She must have wanted to bang my head on a wall when I was a teenager.

Teachers were pretty honest back then.

Not had this years report from my DS in year 4, but I know there will be some coded comment about him driving her mad with his messing around nd making silly noises.

Last she we got 'Little Lucy is very enthusiastic when telling the class about the interesting places he travels to'. In other words 'We are all sick of him bragging about the places he travels to and wish he would shut up'.

[Mushypeasandchipstogo]

I remember this being pinned up on the staff room notice board.

A rather solitary child = has nits

[nicky2512]

DS is now 8 and very happy and settled at school but when he was just 5, at the end of P1 he got "finds it hard to control his emotions". He used to have to be peeled off me screaming at the door! He is now "a joy to teach".

[deste]

I worked in a college and colleague wrote on a students report that "his confidence out-weighed his talents", says it all really.

[StairsInTheNight]

What is 'developing an interesting writing style'?

What is he writing?!

[Jux]

Mine mostly said "distracted and distracting" which wasn't fair as I kept to myself and never distracted anybody. I did gaze out of the window in a dream for almost the whole time I was at primary, though, so the first bit was reasonable.

[babybythesea]

DD1's report this week:

She certainly keeps me on my toes.... She is always keen to further her understanding with endless questioning.... She is a great leader who can get the whole class doing something if she so wishes..... She keeps us all in check if we have got something wrong or forgotten to do something as timetabled...

Translation: She's very bossy and the endless 'but why?' is beginning to make my brain ache. Well, it's not anything we didn't already know I suppose... But she is only in reception, it'll only get worse!

[ThomasLynn]

"Tommy chooses to work and rest at leisure." Y6, having noticed that I spent rather a lot of time staring out the window.

"Tommy has great potential and huge enthusiasm for History..." Y12= Tommy loves History and could get an A* if she stopped staring out the window.

"Thomas refuses to respond to her name. I have put Thomas on report 7 times this term alone." ...which would be because I've never been known by Thomas. Ever. And I kept staring out the window.

"Tommy is a bookish girl, who prefers to read during Form. Despite this detachment, when she deems it necessary she can be very witty and acerbic."
I loved that report. My parents focused on the last sentence which was something like "I find it hard to comment on anything else as her attendance is fairly sporadic."

[PoirotsMoustache]

.

[CalamitouslyWrong]

I often have call to write that essays were 'confused and confusing' on student feedback. Far more often than I'd like.

[SE13Mummy]

I don't write my reports in code - if they're not straightforward they run the risk of not being much use! Mine say things along the lines of, "X appears to feel that punctuation is optional..." and "X produces as little work as s/he feels s/he can get away with...". They say lots of positive things too but I see little point in pretending that X is working towards producing a decent amount of work when, in actual fact, X has shown very few signs of working towards that particular outcome in literacy lessons!

Having said that, the reports I wrote and the reports that were sent out weren't the same . The new Headteacher deleted all the results sections from them (even though I'd used her template which had included levels, a progress grading etc.) and I only found out by chance. It makes me wonder if it's something to do with the fact that she doesn't want Y6 parents made aware that the children have made excellent progress during their time at the school (which she took over after a disappointing Ofsted earlier this year) .

[owlbegoing]

DD had "She is aware that she needs to take care when using scissors and cutlery." Heaven knows what that means

"XX is aware of the class rules and knows that some behaviour is unacceptable...XX is a good role model and always does the right thing. XX loves the class rules!" That was their exclamation mark
Obviously that means she's the class snitch!

[Mercythompson]

Ds1 has a good sense of humour and shares it with those around him

= ds1 is constantly telling jokes to the teachers which he then askes them to explain to him.

[Whereisegg]

So this year ds had ' can distract others and is easily distracted ' plus ' needs to remember to let others have a turn at answering questions '.

So he won't shut up, thinks he knows everything, and has the concentration span of a gnat.
Tbh we are not .

Dd's report just ignored her singing efforts completely this year

[appealtakingovermylife]

What about being called a "buffoon" ? Seriously.
Ok it was in my dad's last report in primary school, he's in his late fifties.
Can't imagine a teacher writing that now:)

[jeee]

When I was at school a friend's music report simply read: "Should shut up".

I was jealous..... I would have loved that on my report.