School report 'code' - which ones have you spotted/do you know about?

[PacificDogwood]

Here is my favourite one from when DS2 was 6 (P2 in Scotland):

"DS2 has a very well developed sense of fairness."

Really? I thought, does he? I've never noticed.

Until I realised it translated in to "DS2 feels hard done by very, very easily". That I had noticed

Any other examples? Contributions from teachers also welcome

[FamiliesShareGerms]

DD has a "unique personality ", apparently....

[BlueChampagne]

DS1 has a "big personality" = never shuts up and always wants to be involved, sometimes overwhelming his classmates. A change from my reports which tended to be "could contribute more in class".

[Fatmanbuttsam]

comment by my geography teacher one year...'it's a wonder she can find her way home'..... I shall be reading small persons report with new eyes after this thread :-)

[Didactylos]

Hmm, my mother dug out my school reports a few weeks ago
Age 14: Didactylos 'is acerbic and provocative'
Perhaps teachers have got better at nuance and subtext since then.....

[bibliomania]

Loved the "excellent posture".

A French teacher once offered me up as inspiration to her new class: "Biblio was never a great student but by hard work and the power of prayer, she got her A".

Ah, rural Ireland, 20 years ago, when exam results were understood to depend on how many novenas your gran had done for you.

[dancestomyowntune]

Loving this thread. Ds 2 got:

Kept us entertained for weeks reenacting the pantomime.

And:

Has a fabulous sense of humour

Translates into is the class clown.

Which was a surprise as he isn't the most confident child.

[Whereisegg]

Tone deaf dd got "MiniEgg sings with enthusiasm" for music last year.
Made me

[whattheseithakasmean]

My naughty little one had 'Miniwhattheseithakas is learning to use scissors properly'. I dread to think what she had been doing with them before - running, no doubt.

My report once accused me of 'a cavalier attitude to physics', which I rather liked, although I was not wearing a big hat with floppy feathers and elaborate waistcoat into the classroom, I like the idea.

[PeriPathetic]

One of my favourites was from DDs previous and awful school. A long and detailed entry from the Spanish teacher about DD's work.
She didn't take Spanish

[bumpiesonamission]

"bumpie is a quiet and focused child who has learned well this year" aka " I can't quite remember which one she is!!!"

[edamsavestheday]

My leaver's report from senior school - which thankfully I've never had to show anyone - said 'we do hope edam fulfils her considerable potential in future'.

Think it translated as 'is a lazy arse who needs to pull her finger out'. They did have a point...

[motherinferior]

DD1 was told she sang 'enthusiastically'.

I'll say. The tuneless bellowing of my then five-year-old in the bath used to drive me to drink.

[OwlCapone]

LOL. One of my DSs was an enthusiastic singer too :)

[OwlCapone]

Here is a phrase from a school report to strike fear into your heart: DD is always keen to share her news from home

What has she been saying??!

[SarcyMare]

"X is always eager to contribute to class discussions"= X has to be reminded that other children want to get a word in at some point this morning.

ahh we get this one a lot, now i understand

[dancestomyowntune]

Yes, we get that one too OwlCapone!!!

[MotleyCroup]

DS keen to have adult attention and likes to have a chat whenever the opportunity arises - never shuts up!

We did however have an honest line - DS needs to develop a little more self awareness so that he does not interrupt discussions with his own thoughts and opinions, which may sometimes be inappropriate - when DS told the TA she'd marked all the dc work wrong

[MotleyCroup]

Had that one back in Reception, Owl. Filled me with dread. No secrets in this house!

[CaptChaos]

I got:

I see from other teacher's reports that Capt is an able student. I am sure she would be so in my class, if she ever turned up!

and:

CaptChaos shows a vast knowledge of this subject and should reconsider her choice to take it next year.

(I was taking it as an option, but because the teacher got things wrong all the timeand I corrected her she didn't want me in the class)

ChaosMajor was told that he was opinionated. And he is.

ChaosMinor got:

He needs to learn to appreciate the needs of his listener - roughly translates to, he has ASD and whiffles on and on about his chosen subject while hardly pausing for breath>

[Ericaequites]

I had horrid reports from school. If I had a child, I'd rather hear the unvarnished truth.

[Mercedes519]

Ha!

We have just got the school report "minimerc" is a very lively and active member of the class" which isn't even code as she goes on to say he can often be disruptive you should see him at home love

The one that got me was "minimerc has a relaxed attitude to languages" which i have NO idea what that means as she goes on to say he's done well.

It's a good report though as you can really see it's about him. And she says that she has become very fond of him which she didn't have to. Bless that's my minimerc, a lovely boy really but bloody annoying challenging quite a lot of the time.

[Goldengirl1979]

I used to get "will not ask any questions" every year from my maths teacher which baffled my parents. I was good at Maths - but more more importantly she had really bad breath!!

[slug]

DD in nursery got the charming:

"DD displays a lot of knowledge" Which translates as know-it-all who is always correcting the teacher. DD is now in Secondary school and showing no let up in this behaviour.

As an aside, the first time I spent Christmas with DH's parents, when we hadn't been going out for too long, after dinner, while still quite drunk (they know how to party those two) they dragged down their PFB's school reports for me to translate. I am, or more correctly, was at that time, a teacher. DH is notoriously un-sporty and all his reports had a version of "DH needs to improve his ball skills" MIL-to-be commented "I bet his ball skills are much better now" with a lascivious wink. There was that moment when I processed this little gem before DH went bright red. It was at that point that I knew I was going to get on really well with them.

[illcounttothree]

DS1's teacher (year 2) has put on his report that teaching him has been 'an adventure'.

Suspect this is because that've been doing mini beasts as their topic this term and insects are DS1's weird obsession hobby. He keeps coming home saying things like 'Miss X called scorpions insects today. I had to correct her.'

[Fedupnagging]

Ds2's reports always made dh and I roar with laughter (otherwise we'd cry). Some teachers told it like it was and some were a little more subtle.

'Fedupds2 is an interesting member of the class with some interesting opinions.'

'Fedupds2 has never completed a full race in athletics and will take short cuts when necessary. I can't take my eyes off him otherwise he will behave inappropriately'. ( there is more, a lot more in this report!)

He is now at college and they certainly don't leave any margin for interpretation. Words such as disappointing, lack of focus etc feature heavily