School report 'code' - which ones have you spotted/do you know about?

[PacificDogwood]

Here is my favourite one from when DS2 was 6 (P2 in Scotland):

"DS2 has a very well developed sense of fairness."

Really? I thought, does he? I've never noticed.

Until I realised it translated in to "DS2 feels hard done by very, very easily". That I had noticed

Any other examples? Contributions from teachers also welcome

So when they says DD has an endearing love of animals and people does that mean she collects waifs and strays?

Ds's reports talk a lot about his "unique" approach to his work i think this means he's a bit of an oddball in the nicest possible way.

I loved DD1s Y2 comment: DD1 has been impressive in her determination to be heard in class.

= both 'will tell us what she thinks whether anyone wants her to or not' and 'despite being the smallest in the class will not be shouted down by any fucker'. I think that's a fair balance.

She does have a sporadic stammer, though, so actually that's cheering either way.

Pretty much all my reports translated as "can get away with cruising but as she does everything we ask of her we can't really complain". C for effort for the majority of my school career.

This thread is great.

A friend got the following snippet from one of her teachers.

"If X spent as much time on her classwork as she does talking to boys, she would be Einstein by now."

X is learning to.... = X can't yet .....

e.g.

"Sproinglet is learning to share with others" = there's a tantrum if someone else gets the toy she wants. I know this as we have had the same comment for three years and she is the same at home!

out with, I'd have liked that comment in my school report, would have demonstrated some understanding on the part of the teacher instead of outright hostility to anyone not a natural athlete...

My dm once wrote about an able but exceptionally lazy pupil.
"Uses his brain only when all else fails"
The head, who was ahead of his time on the positive reports insisted she changed it.

I think the relentless positivity of reports has backfired on me. Because now I look at a positive comment and wonder if they really meant it to be positive or whether there is a negative double meaning.

One of my secondary reports in PE said " mrssprout tries her best given the difficult circumstances" this translates to when I wrote"does not try" in her last report you came to the school, reminded me of her serious health problems & nearly ripped my head off

I got belligerent and talks too much. Don't schoolteachers use the equivalent of a shit sandwich still? Good thing, bad thing, good thing? Or does it all have to be positive with decoding required?

'DCMM's results in cookery (it was the 80s) have been down to good luck than good management'
It still stings.

Ahh it's all in code! This is a revelation to me. It explains why ds's report SEEMED so good in the comments part, but his C grade for effort and the fact he's behind in all his subjects bar reading had me perplexed!

My dd is too young for a school report - I remember one from my English teacher in 1st year of secondary "I thought I could talk and then I met everything"

but my favourite is one my cousin got in geography one year "x does well to find his way home" - maybe we're more direct in Scotland

DD1 (5) is "sometimes abrupt with others" = bossy little wotsit?

I think the relentless positivity of reports has backfired on me. Because now I look at a positive comment and wonder if they really meant it to be positive or whether there is a negative double meaning.

I totally agree with that statement.
I would much prefer proper praise and constructive criticism, but I fear (and know anecdotally from family and friends) that there are parents out there who will demand answers if Wee Jonny is not the Most Delightful and Clever Child Ever Taught, Ever

When I left school I had no clue what to do with myself, but I knew I did not want to go in to teaching (like my dad). I am please to say that I was probably no loss to the teaching profession

to all teachers - for their contributions here and for what they do every day. Enjoy your summer!

We got "Very knowledgeable and likes to share her knowledge with the rest of the class" equates to Mrs Know it all and likes to let everyone know it.

What does it mean when they call DD "Quirky" surely that just means "a bit odd". DD reports are generally good "lovely manners" "pleasure to teach " etc but I am thankful for the fact that sometimes they do have a bit of brutal honesty i.e about her worrying and in the early years when she suffered a bit of separation anxiety from her Dad because she wanted to be at home with him playing Mario Cart

It is only primary school that has been this honest though infants was mystifying and always given out last day of term!!

I got for dc4 'miss tiggaa was not what I was expecting. I don't know what I was expecting but I wasn't expecting this!'

Last year I got for dc3 'miss tiggaa is an angel sent down from heaven'

They are quite different obviously.

dc5 is 'stubborn'. Which we know.

I love our school. The affection for the children shines thru every conversation with them :)

Ha, but perhaps proof reading before sending might be time well spent when they are the deliverers of education: Twice DS name was swapped for another word.

Talking of which, this made me smile - copied and pasted exactly from DS's report:

'The only times he slips to an A rather than an A* is when he does not check his work and allows small errors to slip thorough.'

YY agree the demand for teachers to be endlessly positive instead of accurate has left parents mystified. Very unhelpful as they don't know where/how their children need to improve, so can't boot them up the backside gently but firmly encourage where required

I have 2 very different children, I commented to a kindergarten teacher who had had them both a few years apart - (no teachers at the school have had both of them so was interested as she's the only one that has taught them both ) how different they both are ( different sexes, 3 years age gap ) and she said:

"Hmm. I don't know. They both, erm, know their own minds."

And yes, I know what this means.

Ds's (Yr R) captured him perfectly and showed just how well his teacher knows him - both the good and not so good! The words interesting and imaginative cropped up a few times. Dd's on the other hand (Yr 2) did have the feel in parts of being copied and pasted particularly in the different curriculum areas - x is confident at/able to/enjoys/is beginning to*...

*=Delete as applicable

My favourite from a few years ago for DS1 from his music teacher:
"he is working hard to try and pitch his voice accurately"
Translation - he can't sing. No surprises there!

Other spot-on comments for littledepp:

"a real character" - oh yes
"struggles to maintain concentration" - definitely
"tendency to chat" - yup

My favourite from dd's report (she's 6): "She loves to entertain us with her anecdotes" - oh dear

Yeh, my favourite was my ds Steven when he was at secondary...
"Mark is excellent at..."

Thankfully, i thought it was quite funny!

Loving these!

I'm a teacher and there really is always something positive to say. But if a child is being disruptive, or not working hard enough, I will say so quite clearly.

My DC will get theirs next week. DD1's will be glowing (it appears that she can do no wrong at school, but she's a moody little mare at home sometimes). If there's any criticism, it'll be along the lines of telling her to lighted up a bit. DD2 will undoubtedly get imaginative, creative (good at making things but doesn't concentrate), independent (does her own thing and couldn't care less what anyone thinks), and probably a comment about how she needs to learn to control herself. Indeed she does.