School report 'code' - which ones have you spotted/do you know about?

[PacificDogwood]

Here is my favourite one from when DS2 was 6 (P2 in Scotland):

"DS2 has a very well developed sense of fairness."

Really? I thought, does he? I've never noticed.

Until I realised it translated in to "DS2 feels hard done by very, very easily". That I had noticed

Any other examples? Contributions from teachers also welcome

'complex' = usually absolutely fine, able, but occasionally loses her shit for reasons which presumably make sense to her but which she can't articulate?

(I have a complex dd too ).

Ds' (year 2) report said "has an old head on a young body". he read this, then I found him looking in the mirror.
"My head is the same age as my body really isn't it? Or does it look older?"

We got reports today as follows:

"Stickygirl" always takes her work seriously and wants to do well at everything she tries" : aged 10 why the hell does she still cry everytime she gets stuff wrong?

"Stickygirl is a confident contributor but needs to ensure her comments are concise and relevant" : please put a sock in it once in a while baby

"Stickyboy is impressive when working independently and can join in with his peers when necessary" : he still can't work in a team can he?

DeWee

OMG, I've just read this thread and seen DD's report in a whole new light!

"She is always keen to share her ideas with the class" (three times in the one report, I kid you not!!!) and "She is able to write at length" - clearly she never shuts up, either verbally or in writing!

A friends DS had on his report that he spent the lesson in a catatonic state but somehow still did well in tests!

Raven that is exactly right she once yelled the class down as she didn't particularly want to do maths hoping that this would distract the teacher enough to cancel it!

DS2's report includes 'confident' and 'is a very popular member of the class who always has a friend to play with' (there is no doubt at all that this means 'never shuts up' because he doesn't). But he is also popular and confident so the teacher isn't making it up.

DS1's school reports, on the other hand, scream 'who? Oh, I'll just put something generic'. Apparently he's produced some 'pleasing' work in art (which must be the default comment because he's crap at art). They don't even get to the point of writing in code. In fact, most of them just say what topics they've studied this year with nothing about DS1 at all.

My teachers never wrote in code. My parents were treated to unrelentingly negative reports throughout my primary school career. Back then, teachers could really let parents know that they hated their child.

I did once get "Pico's excellent exam result in no way reflects her work throughout the year". I was quite pleased with that.

I want to meet BraveBoy! He sounds great!

Oh shit. DD's report comes out tomorrow. Instead of reading it and thinking how amazing my pfb is, I am now going to be worried the teachers think she is a gobby shite.

One of my colleagues years ago wrote about a particularly difficult pupil "N is trying"

He was very proud.

I once got from my PE teacher 'Rusty continues to take a little gentle exercise' =usually in the opposite direction to where the action is...

DD2's last report

Teacher "DD2 has a strong sense of right and wrong and likes to make it known if she feels another child is breaking the rules"

Head Teacher "DD2 is a popular member of the school"

One of those statements has got to be a lie and I'm putting my money on it being the head teacher

Our music master always put 'satisfactory' on everyone's report except the girl with grade 8 piano, who got good.

We ways reckoned he didn't want to see anyone at parents evening.

DD is very puzzled as to how she made a good effort in PHSE, since she's excused to do exta English.

That is nice to hear mamaTJ, he is a "marmite child" iykwim

I still remember my report from far too many years ago, which said I had "to learn the difference between opinion and fact"!

I'm still always convinced I'm in the right

I've used loads of these phrases on here.

On my own personal reports my form teacher wrote the following comment 'I hope whathave's morning yawning is due to over exertion and not down to boredom' Must've been nice to be able to write what you'd actually like to say!

DD's best bit this year is "she has a friendship group who respect her opinions and wishes" - I presume this translates as "her friends do as she tells them"

She also got "contributes to class discussions with humour" which by her own admission means she cracks jokes that the teacher doesn't always appreciate...

I got has an unique sense of humour once from a form tutor.
We get the boys report tomorrow I will get one good one and one coded one no doubt ds1 has been loved by every teacher he has ever had. Ds2 hates school and makes no secret of this but we are working on it I am dreading his report

Not in code at all but my favourite one for DS1 was, as a five year old, 'Latinboy must learn to avoid collisions in PE.'

DS3's teacher once grabbed me at pick up to mention he was 'quite a character' I pointed out that his father is a teacher so I knew exactly what that meant and she wasn't wrong mini Lost is a little bugger in class but I love him so it's fine

My PE report was blank one year. My teacher failed to believe I had had a year long period and was unable to take part!