What happens to people after they die in hospital

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I don't know what's made me wonder this morning. A few years ago my DM died in hospital. We said our goodbyes and left her in the room, looking like she was sleeping. The hospital was fairly busy during this time, think it was visiting hours.

What will have happened after we left? Will they have treated her as if she were still alive, talked to her? Do they really cover up their faces? And how are they taken to the morgue?

Just want to know. Really missing DM.

Gymboy

It can be hard for families to see someone immediately after. The tubes and mess that your mum and brother saw were the aftermath of the paramedics trying to help your dad.

I'm glad that your mum saw him at the undertaker and that is the memory of your dad that she takes with her. As I have said up thread the care you provide to someone who has died and their family is your last chance to be kind. I have never met anyone in my professional life who has felt differently.

Op we asked the same question when my grandparent died. We were told the same as you have heard from many others. That the patient was washed, wrapped in clean linen and taken by the porter to the mortuary.
I'm sorry this is on your mind.

Not only do the nurses that I know describe chatting gently and being respectful during last offices but I know and have seen the porters who take them to the mortuary be totally compassionate and caring.

It's horrible to have it all going through your head, isn't it? I hope this thread is helping you.

In a hospice, so a bit different, but when my daughter died they acted exactly as if she were alive. Talking to her, stroking her hair, very gentle and respectful. They removed all the tubes and dressed her in the outfit we chose, and left her in her private room until the chilled suite was ready. Anyone walking into the room while they were dealing with it all wouldn't have known she was dead.

I work with the elderly for the NHS, patients with dementia, alzhiemers, managing violence and aggression, and in the 14 yr I have worked there I have assisted to lay 8 deceased patients out ready for collection from the funeral director.

As others have said, we talk to them through out the whole process, wash them, clean sheets, open the window bit close the curtains. We also leave a side light on and in some instances a radio if the person was a particular music lover.

We often return to the room and we as someone stated, talk to them as we enter the room, walk round the room and as we leave the room, no different as to how we would had the person been alive.

The person is treat with respect and compassion, I have never been it a situation where the person has been ignored as it were, if in the caring profession it is second nature to treat the person this way. I have sat with people as they have taken their final breath and I have had a silent tear, we work with our patients over prolonged time and we get to know the person how they were before they got ill, we get to know the family and the new person the patient has become, so it is a sad time for us as well, a member off staff always attends the funeral as well.

I am so sorry for your loss OP. My Mam died 10 year ago when I was 25, she died at home, alone on her kitchen floor, it has taken me this long to be able to talk about it. All I can say is, time is a great healer though you will never forget, your memories will soon be of the good times and you will stop feeling that raw sense of loss. Take care OP

toospotty

I'm not sure why it's on my mind today. I just woke up thinking about it. And as I snuggled my boy's sleeping body I couldn't get it out of my mind. He looks like her when he sleeps.

A huge thank you to all who have posted from their personal experience. My Dad was blue lighted to hospital from a nursing home and died before we could get there. I've never allowed myself to think about happened. After that and still feel awful I wasn't there.
Your stories about the love and respect are a great comfort even if I am sitting on the bus crying.

I will add that our babies on labour ward are treated very kindly too, like a live baby. I know I am not the only midwife who has tucked a stillborn baby up in their Moses basket when they are away from their family. I have always chatted to the babies as I prepared them.

I have often accompanied the porter to the mortuary with the babies so the family are not handing their baby to a stranger, sometimes the family come to. Our porters when that happened were so caring of the family and us midwives who don't know the procedures to follow in the mortuary.

Bloody hell, 8.15 in the morning and I'm crying.

My thoughts to those that have lost loved ones and thank yous to those who have provided reassurance.

I hope you have found some comfort in the nurses kind words OP. The thought of what happens after can be very upsetting so I hope they have helped re-assure you of it all being respectful and gentle at least.

I'd second KatieKayes thanks you. I'm sitting trying to get the kids washed and dressed, feeling tearful but happy that my Dad and hundreds of others every day are treated so respectfully.

Nhs at its best

shewhodares I'm so sorry. What a shock.

We were prepared and I was with her just a few hours before she died. I wish I'd stayed just that bit longer though. I do think that that's how she would have planned it however. She was only in her early 50s. We're similar ages shewhodares.

Oh OP I hope you're ok. Be gentle with yourself.

I've performed last offices more times than I can count have previously worked in elderly medicine and now in an emergency setting working with all ages.

I always, always talk to a patient when performing last offices. I explain to the patient what I am going to do, tell them things like "you look so beautiful mrs smith" if appropriate and even chat about boring things like the weather although that's more for me than them! Usually last offices are done with two members of staff, sometimes more. We wash the body, lines are removed if post mortem not required, brush hair, try to insert false teeth if relatives request it etc. The body is wrapped in clean sheets and taken to the mortuary by the porters who are always respectful and kind.

With children everything is done much the same except nurses accompany the porters to the patient to the mortuary. If the patient is a young child the nurse usually carries the child themselves accompanied by the porters.

I started nurse training at 18 and am mid 20s now, I have always seen last offices performed with nothing but respect and dignity.

It beggars belief that pirate has come onto a thread which she clearly knows nothing about!

How sad that you come along to upset folk!

Jog along and enjoy the rest of your miserable day.

I have a friend who is a nurse and she has told me the same procedure as I've read here. Deceased patients are treated with care and respect, and are spoken to gently. My grandmother was also a nurse and it was the same in her day. In fact, my grandmother always said that laying out a patient was a great privilege to be honoured and cherished. Your mother will have been treated like she was precious, which of course she was.

It is an absolute honour to be there for someone at the end of their life and to be trusted to support them and their family. I talk to every patient who has died as if they were still there, and so does every nurse I have ever met.

Thank you to everyone who has said that you talk to them. We 'celebrated' 25 years of my mums passing in May this year. I was 4 years old. I feel comforted to know that she would have been spoken to and respected and not on her own.

OP I am so sorry for your loss life just isn't fucking fair! :(

It beggars belief that pirate has come onto a thread which she clearly knows nothing about!
How sad that you come along to upset folk!
Jog along and enjoy the rest of your miserable day.

Seriously?

Is there something wrong with people?

STOP TALKING ABOUT IT!

You stop talking about it then Pirate. Just hide the thread. You don't have to read it.

"Is there something wrong with people?"

There appears to be something wrong with you. You don't appear to understand that apologising doesn't mean everything's fine, and the reason people are still commenting is because you're on a sensitive thread demanding and shouting in caps that people stop talking about your comment.

You stop talking about it then Pirate. Just hide the thread. You don't have to read it.

and again, PLEASE stop.

PLEASE.
it's not helping the OP keep giving me attention is it. Just stop. I realised what I had done, I apologised and i asked for the post to be deleted. But thanks to idiots, there's now reminders of it all through the thread, that's really doing your bit to help the OP forget what an insensitive idiot i had been is it, the constant reminders.

I did ok til i read dayshiftdoris's post. Mess now.

I asked my best friend the very same question OP after she nursed our friends grandfather through his final days on her ward. She told me what nurses really do when a patient passes away and to be honest ive never been more proud of her. The dignity afforded to those passed is very touching. A part of the nursing role that we rarely hear about, i feel.

A

Ask for your posts to be deleted then pirate. Job done.