I would be a bad mum... if I still lived in Germany! Or: differences in traditions and guidelines

[dodi1978]

I am German, but have lived in the UK for 10 years. In fact, I had somehow acquired a husband, a house and a baby at pretty much exactly 10 years after arrived on an Easyjet flight with one suitcase . Said baby is now almost eight months old.

But that's not relevant here...

What is relevant is the fact that I am a terrible mum! Yes I am! At least if I am judge myself against German guidelines on weaning.

In the UK, the three rules seem to be:

1. Start around six months of age.
2. Avoid salt and sugar.
3. Don't give honey and nuts (ok, and a couple of other things, but the list is small).

And then, there is of course BLW vs. purees etc.

In Germany, BLW seems to be something that nobody has ever heard of. Even friends who have had babies recently seem to be utterly puzzled when I mentioned that some parents don’t give their baby any purees at all.

I’m doing a mixture of purees and finger food, having the little one eat what we eat whenever possible. But according to German guidance, I seem to have got it wrong, because, apparently, babies should have

• A potato – vegetable – meat – puree at lunchtime
• A milk – cereal – broth in the evening
• And a cereal – fruit broth in the morning

Ahem, fail!!! My pancakes with blueberry compote in the morning (which we only have occasionally, by the way) just don’t pass muster.

There are all kinds of other rules and guidelines as well, e.g. that that you should add rapeseed oil (no olive oil before one year!) to certain foods and how much and, oh yes, no yogurt before 10 months (fail!) etc. etc.

Sometimes, dear MNers, I am glad I am living in the UK! I don’t do well with rigid rules. Even the Pampers website has completely different guidance on weaning, when you look at the UK and the German version.

But this made me think… if you are from another country, or have raised a child in another country, what differences have you noticed in the guidance given and in the practice around birth, food, sleep, toilet training etc. as compared to the UK?

I am just asking this out of interest! It’d be great to hear your stories!

Melon? Instant death if consumed after sundown.

as to childbirth in Italy;

I gave birth in a known maternity centre in the north and yes compared to the UK it was very medicalised apart from the epidural which I didn't get . After birth I was advised to not have a bath until six weeks as you do have an open wound in your uterus (which made sense to me) so also in the UK I only had showers after birth. No sex until ar least the first 6 weeks or later if preferred.
I noticed also that italians are very wary about foods having influence on your milk, I just ate everything

Norway - I was chastised for not dressing DS in head to toe wool, (Which it turns out is very practical) and for giving up breastfeeding at 6 months.

The kids walk to school from an early age and the nursey is very relaxed quite often turn up when they are outside and get told 'he is around here somewhere'.

Also SAHM is not a thing here everyone 'contributes' to society so no mums and tots classes etc, but the childcare is very reasonable and the working hours are brilliant and very flexible (lots of child days etc)

We love it reminds me of my childhood, more free range then the uk.

In France, epidural is the norm for giving birth, birth pols are unheard off.
No such strict routine re bed times. It's OK for a 2yo to still be up at midnight if her parents are having a meal with friends. Also normal if this happens every other weekend.
Children are keeping their nap much later on (4~5yo) but they also go to bed later than here (7.00pm bedtime is unheard off. makes sense as a lot of women do work and won't be back home until 6.30~7.00pm anyway).
Smacking
Feeding on demand for a bay is again very unusual. babies are fed every 4 hours more or less right from the start. The result is that the baby bottle are actually bigger than here (clearly babies then have bigger feeds less often).
But they will expect to feed their baby until after 2yo so they don't get all dirty. Mines were holding their own spoons by 10months old (and were covered in food from head to toe lol).

Ladyindisguise we are in France at the moment holidaying. DD was covered in lunch yesterday (she's almost 3 and refuses to let me help her- it was spaghetti) but the look we got from the waiter was just..appalled. hehe

I gave birth in Germany and was told I couldn't have a bath for 6 weeks after (and the wards didn't have them). I felt such a rebel sliding into the bubbles back home 5 days later!

Something I noticed when we lived in Cyprus was the lack of horror towards a child drinking juice/squash instead of just water. DD was a water refuser, to the point of hospitalisation and the Cypriot Doctor went absolutely bonkers at me. Proper spitting shouting at how stupid I was trying to push the water issue. He wrote a letter to the British pre-school chastising them and calling them neglectful. They actually changed their rules after we left.

Here (Malaysia) kids are spoonfed mush while they are babies. Babies are any aged kids up to about 5.

Bed time is between 10 and 12. They couldn't go earlier, because the shopping centres don't close until 10.

Children are often beaten :( for doing anything that might lose the parents face. Education is a big one.

Oh, also they add sugar or syrup to fruit juice, and everything is sweet.

I come from a West Indian background

And I am a bad mum because

I cut my sons hair before he could talk
Don't wrapp up my kids in layers when it's like 30degress outside

It's been posted already, but this thread is absolutely fascinating :)

"Bed time is between 10 and 12. They couldn't go earlier, because the shopping centres don't close until 10. "

Yes! Also because it's less hot at night so you go out and socialise then. But lots of them have afternoon naps.

Also very big on being polite to grown-ups. Must call all relatives by the right title.

And about corporal punishment.

I'm a bad Chinese (or maybe just my particular background) parent because I let my children argue with me, I let them go in the rain and get wet , I let them eat cold things in winter, I let them eat cold things when they are ill (not instant death, like someone posted about consuming melon after sundown, but close), I let them drink cold milk in the morning, I let them drink cold milk in the evening.

Actually just avoid the cold stuff.

ha ha I let mine eat ice lollies when sick with sore throats, parent fail in japan.

tanukiton

My DD was brought up in Turkey and I was thought very odd because I didn't dress her in 6 layers in the middle of august, because I put her in a car seat rather than let her crawl around the front of the car and because I didn't give her loads of sugar in everything, including milk. Also I used to put her in bed at 7.30 rather than 11pm!

They don't send children to school until they are 6 there.

This thread has just cost me £5.71 to buy the book mentioned upthread about the changes in customs over time. Dream Babies.

Parents and grandparents are Italian.

Don't know about the masturbation one (probably because I had a girl,) but everything else, spot on. Esp wrt to baby slop, wool for all seasons, and napping. Oh, and the rules about babies outside. My grandparents are horrified that DD loves playing out in the snow for hours. (We're in Canada)

I must pierce DD's ears, but she simply cannot be wearing an amber necklace. She could choke!

Though my DGF was wholly supportive of breastfeeding. He let me have the Lazyboy!

Upto you let them drink milk??? .
You DO know this is the worst thing ever to do too don't you?

I know a few Chinese medicine practitioners (who aren't Chinese!) who would completely agree with your family. Anything cold is bad. So are dairy products and raw foods.
Also I know that Chinese women would never accept to have a fan on when they are giving birth, even if it's 35C outside and they are overheating.

Purées rule in France and baby/toddler diets are very regimented - have heard mothers discussing how many grams of protein their children have per day. My child's paediatrician was horrified by me giving finger food at 7-8 months.

You are asked constantly if your baby is sleeping though and are considered freakish if he or she isn't by 3 months or so. Not sure if babies here do sleep for longer stretches or if everyone just lies because of the social pressure, although leaving even young babies to cry is much more acceptable than in the UK.

Also great enthusiasm for putting babies and toddlers in loads of very warm clothes inside/outside/in bed and much scolding by old ladies if you do take your baby outside without 5 layers plus snowsuit plus blankets when the temperature drops.

In the hospital where I gave birth no-one except me even knew what an epidural was. I became a bit of a sleb, and went round the ward telling them all that next time it didn't have to be either a c sec or no pain relief at all, they could have this jab.

My American friend (the same one as before) however gave birth in a different town where the first so many to ring a special number on a special day got an epidural (paid for of course) while everyone else just had to bite on their husband's hand and get on with it.

Thanks for all those replies! This is great stuff!!!

Yes, Germany with its fascination of rectal temperature-taking... I remember these from my childhood! When I looked up the stuff on weaning yesterday, I also found exact amounts for the meat - vegetable - potato - puree... like 50g of this, 20 of that... Excuse me? When I liquidize our roast, I just throw a bit of this and a bit of that in the machine without measuring... otherwise my dinner would be cold by the time I'm done!

The one thing I do miss is the fact - also mentioned - that kids are given more independence... such as walking to school etc. I cycled to my best friend's house when I was seven (about 2 miles away) - the only rule was that I had to call when I arrived. I also cycled to school (4 miles away and crossing an A-road) when I was nine, despite there being a school bus. I just fancied it.

And as for being left on my own at home, ahem, I probably was six when my mum popped out to the local shop and eight-ish when she would leave me alone to go to the supermarket. Ok, what helped was the fact that my grandma and aunt were just a stone throws away in case there were any problems.

As for birth - my mum was shocked that a cousin who gave birth just a few weeks before me (in Germany) was left to labour for 11 hours before being given a cesarean. Ahem, I was told that the average first time labour is 18 hours! A couple of my NCT friends certainly were in labour for longer! Lucky I did it in 5 hours, or my mum would have told the doctor his fortunes!

Generally, things around birth appear more medicalised in Germany - Gas & Air is apparently not used at all so the first measure of pain control is an epidural. I kind of liked my Gas & Air...

Oh! My SIL also weighed her (perfectly well formed, non preemie) baby after every meal until she was about 2. And kept a chart.

Same SIL's husband (dp's brother) is a vet (so kind of educated in medicine stuff, albeit for animals) and they give both children antibiotics from October onwards, once a month "in case they get flu".

Same for France. They really don't rate either gas and air or diamorphine (well it's morphine) so they will not use it routinely for birth.
gas and air will only be use in case of emergency (eg someone who is completely panicking and in dire pain waiting for a 'proper' pain relief so only for a very short time)

Oh yes weighing babies! they did in France before. I remember my mum saying that she was supposed to weight me before and after each (bf) feed so she could tell how much milk I had for that feed.... Thanks fully they don't do that now.

Also seeing a paediatrician and not a GP for children health problem (I would be happy to do so tbh) and following the advice of the paediatrician to the letter (otherwise you are likely to get told off by said paediatrician who knows better than you)

I'm glad I gave birth in the UK albeit 10 years ago. I think the only thing I agree with is sending the children into formal education later. On the whole I think few children are ready for formal education at 4 or 5. I know that reception is mainly play centred learning but there is still some formal learning of phonics etc.