I would be a bad mum... if I still lived in Germany! Or: differences in traditions and guidelines

[dodi1978]

I am German, but have lived in the UK for 10 years. In fact, I had somehow acquired a husband, a house and a baby at pretty much exactly 10 years after arrived on an Easyjet flight with one suitcase . Said baby is now almost eight months old.

But that's not relevant here...

What is relevant is the fact that I am a terrible mum! Yes I am! At least if I am judge myself against German guidelines on weaning.

In the UK, the three rules seem to be:

1. Start around six months of age.
2. Avoid salt and sugar.
3. Don't give honey and nuts (ok, and a couple of other things, but the list is small).

And then, there is of course BLW vs. purees etc.

In Germany, BLW seems to be something that nobody has ever heard of. Even friends who have had babies recently seem to be utterly puzzled when I mentioned that some parents don’t give their baby any purees at all.

I’m doing a mixture of purees and finger food, having the little one eat what we eat whenever possible. But according to German guidance, I seem to have got it wrong, because, apparently, babies should have

• A potato – vegetable – meat – puree at lunchtime
• A milk – cereal – broth in the evening
• And a cereal – fruit broth in the morning

Ahem, fail!!! My pancakes with blueberry compote in the morning (which we only have occasionally, by the way) just don’t pass muster.

There are all kinds of other rules and guidelines as well, e.g. that that you should add rapeseed oil (no olive oil before one year!) to certain foods and how much and, oh yes, no yogurt before 10 months (fail!) etc. etc.

Sometimes, dear MNers, I am glad I am living in the UK! I don’t do well with rigid rules. Even the Pampers website has completely different guidance on weaning, when you look at the UK and the German version.

But this made me think… if you are from another country, or have raised a child in another country, what differences have you noticed in the guidance given and in the practice around birth, food, sleep, toilet training etc. as compared to the UK?

I am just asking this out of interest! It’d be great to hear your stories!

You've all seen recent pictures of Prince George visiting Wellington, I'm sure. He is in tiny thin cotton summer shorts. Kate is wearing a coat. It's about 15 degrees there. There would be some serious tutting if they did this in Scandinavia.

All the kids here in NZ are still in shorts, no school jumpers until after Easter and shoes, well nobody needs those. Definitely a culture difference from some of the 'wrap them up' nations. Having seen Kate in a coat though, it might set a trend!

I understand the choice of the car seat has raised some eyebrows in NZ as well though?

Yes, and no. The advice group Plunket (a bit like HVs) recommend rear facing seats until the child is two or until they get too tall (NZ children are a long-leggedy lot). Little George is going into a forward facing seat. Plunket shrugged saying it was the parents' choice. A lot less angst here (but good car safety advice in the face of very weak law on the subject) and all advice can get the 'Yeah, nah' treatment.

I was actually thinking; hm, I wonder if prince George has some nice wool clothes or if he only wears cotton

Frankly given the fact that Prince George is surrounded by a massive entourage and cavalcade, they could have him in a vintage 1970s car seat with only one strap and he probably wouldn't come to any harm. They ain't much for them to hit, surely?

homebird8

Another English parent in NZ here. By British standards I am a bad parent because -

• my two DDs don't own winter coats
• I let them go outside wearing next to nothing if they want to, including no shoes
• if they misbehave, I bark at them until they behave
• I don't worry to much about breaking them, or them breaking themselves
• they are welcome to try to solve their own problems before involving me
• I don't think girly pink stuff is an inevitability
• if they don't eat what I give them, they're welcome to go hungry
• I don't expect them to turn into monsters on their 13th birthdays.

It's so much easier being a no nonsense Kiwi parent than a fussy wussy Pommy parent

I absolutely agree Toadin the hole. I'm much keener on the parent by neglect approach. Was obviously born in the wrong country.

I'm Estonian and have 20month old DS (born here in the UK) and here I often feel like i'm the odd one wrapping him up when all kids around us seem to run around with no hats or coats (that would be early spring, which to me still feels cold).
However having just recently been to Estonia DS was the only kid around NOT wearing a hat - in JUNE!! (Ok, it was not very warm, but still not THAT cold).

An Estonian friend recently had a baby and was advised never to put baby to sleep on her back!! Babies should sleep on their side apparently to avoid choking to death.
In the UK I was advised never to put my son to sleep on his side as to avoid him accidentally rolling on his stomach and choking to death.

I was watching a French TV show recently and they had an "expert" come in to talk about co-sleeping. He was very insistent that only breast feeding mothers should do it, because there is something in their hormones that means they don't sleep as deeply and are more in tune with the baby. Surely this is total bollocks?!

Oooooh. Love this thread! Having spent the last 3 months on holiday living with DP's parents in Norway with our DS 7mo I can pick up a few.

• yoghurt : (the packet says " 10 months in Norway, 6mo everywhere else") so DMIL doesn't buy it / I buy it myself.
• BLW : DP and his parents are petrified he'll choke every time I give him something hard. It doesn't help my case that every time he is given a piece of bread he pukes. So DP doesn't like me doing it at all.
• shoes: DS is walking with our help, which is a great pain because in Norway they don't buy shoes until 12mo so all shoes are too big.

The good points are that they are very open about breastfeeding, do it anywhere. They also have the baby in the same room for about a year (he's still with us until we get back to the UK and get a new flat - then he's out!). They also say 6mo for weaning as well.

They also like to let their babies sleep outdoors, we can't do that here as it's a farm and the cats will jump on him, but I do that in the UK - I know from my experience as an au pair in France that this would be frowned upon.

I'm not conceived as a bad parent here though, just relaxed.

Haven't RTWT, but has anyone mentioned that great American baby-care aid, the snot-sucker? It's a little tube with a rubber bulb on one end. Squeeze the bulb, put tube up infant's snotty nose, let go of bulb. Out come the bogeys. Eugh.

The Americans I knew were aghast that we didn't have these back in the UK.

They also had the most wonderful teething gel which numbed the fingertip of the parent applying it, never mind the baby's gum. I think it contained lignocaine. I seem to remember slapping it on mouth ulcers for instant and lasting relief.

e have snot suckers in France. I leave it up to DH, it gives me the boak.

Dinah, glad it's not just me!

I have snot suckers (UK) but this is an actual tube that I suck.

Yeah we're talking actual tubes here too.

Chrome - I've heard that its a lot safer for bf mothers as they sleep lighter - but not sure whether it was a credible source or not!