I would be a bad mum... if I still lived in Germany! Or: differences in traditions and guidelines

[dodi1978]

I am German, but have lived in the UK for 10 years. In fact, I had somehow acquired a husband, a house and a baby at pretty much exactly 10 years after arrived on an Easyjet flight with one suitcase . Said baby is now almost eight months old.

But that's not relevant here...

What is relevant is the fact that I am a terrible mum! Yes I am! At least if I am judge myself against German guidelines on weaning.

In the UK, the three rules seem to be:

1. Start around six months of age.
2. Avoid salt and sugar.
3. Don't give honey and nuts (ok, and a couple of other things, but the list is small).

And then, there is of course BLW vs. purees etc.

In Germany, BLW seems to be something that nobody has ever heard of. Even friends who have had babies recently seem to be utterly puzzled when I mentioned that some parents don’t give their baby any purees at all.

I’m doing a mixture of purees and finger food, having the little one eat what we eat whenever possible. But according to German guidance, I seem to have got it wrong, because, apparently, babies should have

• A potato – vegetable – meat – puree at lunchtime
• A milk – cereal – broth in the evening
• And a cereal – fruit broth in the morning

Ahem, fail!!! My pancakes with blueberry compote in the morning (which we only have occasionally, by the way) just don’t pass muster.

There are all kinds of other rules and guidelines as well, e.g. that that you should add rapeseed oil (no olive oil before one year!) to certain foods and how much and, oh yes, no yogurt before 10 months (fail!) etc. etc.

Sometimes, dear MNers, I am glad I am living in the UK! I don’t do well with rigid rules. Even the Pampers website has completely different guidance on weaning, when you look at the UK and the German version.

But this made me think… if you are from another country, or have raised a child in another country, what differences have you noticed in the guidance given and in the practice around birth, food, sleep, toilet training etc. as compared to the UK?

I am just asking this out of interest! It’d be great to hear your stories!

Those Finns are clever

Americans are funny like that...where I grew up we talk about being Finnish and there are parts of the culture that remain and it's a pride sort of thing. Yet it's been a hundred years at least since my great grandparents came here.

Lederhosen surely.... shorts are not unknown in Germany?

I agree about the Germans thinking air changes will make you ill. My next door neighbor is German and last summer when we were chatting I mentioned baby DD was sick. He said "well with this weather, one day it is hot, next day it is not so. Everyone gets ill!" :)

It's not just Germans - Malaysians think temperature changes make you ill too. :) This is especially interesting since it is just hot all year round.

I think the 'wet hair is bad' idea has translated across to the UK. I rarely blow dry my (or my DD's) hair and DH is forever saying we will catch cold as a result.

I'm laughing at the idea of people thinking we dress too thinly in the UK too. DD2 is as tough as her Dad as far as temperature is concerned. She needs to be made to don her coat even in the coldest weather as she doesn't like wearing too much. She's often out in shorts and a t shirt in the cold. She never notices.

I have thought of another one. The Fon. When this warm wind blows, everyone blames headaches on it and nods knowledgeably if a child reports feeling unwell. 'Of course it will be that!' they say. 'It's the Fon!'

If massive temp changes made you sick I'd have never been well as a kid in the winter...going from the 88 degree (your temp) sauna directly into the -30 air and rolling around in a snowbank would have done me in! :o

Was never brave enough to jump through the ice but my dad and brother did all the time.

Is there something in either Malaysian or Manderin culture about sleeping in the bed the baby was conceived in for the duration of the pregnancy - no holidays, no new beds?

I did scoff about the temp change thing but I think there is some evidence that you get a worse flu season when the weather fluctuates a lot during the winter, maybe because the viruses survive better. There's also something about how very cold dry weather constricts the bronchioles so can exacerbate respiratory infections. It's not to do with you going from a hot place to a cold place though. Still not sure how right this is, but in Hk this year we had a really odd winter- big temp fluctuations- puffas to t-shirts overnight and back again. It has been a terrible winter for really aggressive colds and flu. My teacher friends say that some weeks only half the class has been there.

Not sure monopoly I know in China women are encouraged to stay inside for a month after birth and are looked after by relatives. I can't imagine staying in that long! I do think though here in the UK we don't rest enough after giving birth, there is a lot of pressure to look slim quickly and get on with things.

Israel: i think the peanut thing is because hummous is an ideal weaning food especially if home made and made with tahini paste. so not peanut wotsits! also i would refute the poster who said Israeli kids are feral, they are assertive because they have to be. the whole country is assertive. even my shy English (half Israeli) child found some balls to stand up to his cousin last summer. "loh, seh sheli" "no, it's mine" snatching it back. otherwise you just get ignored or trampled on (not literally)

My mother thinks the garlicky hummus that baby DD loves will give her a stomach ache.

Big changes in temperature one day to the next and back again: yy to the Germans forgetting about viruses.

The big downy duvet wasn't in fashion any more when I had my first 15 years ago. She was in sleeping bags of different thickness throughout the year.
Lots of my German friends sleep with their windows open all year round and we like a warm bedroom.

The Pantoffel obsession is very true, but then a lot of the German houses have tiled floor everywhere with underfloor heating, which is off sometimes. Most basements are tiled and have no underfloor heating. Walking on those with bare feet is a shock to the system.

Lots of Kindergartens require the children to bring their slippers, they wouldn't dream of letting the kids run around rooms in street shoes and play on the floor afterwards.
I still find it irritating that children run around the classroom in their shoes and then sit on the floor (carpet) in the dirt.

I just remembered another thing: when DS was just born my dad asked me in a very serious voice to check how much 'Elektrosmog' the baby monitor is emitting! He was very worried about his first grandchild's tender brainwaves being disturbed.... oh yes, Germans are worried about that kind of thing! I was a wee bit busy with bf, expressing and trying to sleep at the time, so did none of the checking and just said that I'd looked it op, and that our monitor was emitting at non- dangerous levels the next time he called ....

Oh yes, all children in Estonia would change to either slippers or clean indoor shoes - and not only in kindergartens, also in school, up to university level.

I worked for a British family as a nanny for a few years in Germany (moved across with them). They had a child with profound sen. She went to a regular kindergarten, they went out of their way to include her in all activities including a residential trip where one lovely lady slept on a mattress on the floor with her to keep her safe. The attitude was 'how do you know what she can do/will enjoy until you've tried'. It really challenged my thinking- I found that beforehand I had looking at the diagnosis instead of the person. I'm a far better nanny now.
After kindergarten she moved to an sen school, they operated on the same principle. Very positive, refreshing experience.

I asked my jamaican dp about the difference between there and here.

He said over here you have a baby and your house is packed with everyone coming over and wanting to meet the baby. In Jamaica (he's country so even worse) no but the inner circle of immediate family come in your house for the first couple of months so not to invite spirits in.

Also your with your baby constantly for the first year, yes you might go out for a few drinks but your mum/sister stays at yours with the baby you would never have someone have your baby overnight.

and plenty of smacking and no car seats goes on as well.

There's a few conflicts over when you should cut their hair, dps dm says don't cut it till they can talk or they will have speech problems and others say till they're two. dp also is a snot sucker LOL.

Mil is German and Austrian.
She is lovely but my fails so far have been
Not putting the children in vests at all times - they will get pneumonia
Not feeding peppermint tea with honey in from 2 months
Not leaving them to sleep outside
Not making them walk miles when very little
Not knitting all their clothes
Not giving schnapps to aid teething
Not hoping to the docs regularly even if they aren't actually ill
Not analysing every poo

"The one thing that has struck me here is how stupid we are about letting our kids walk to school alone or in little groups. The roads around me are identical to how they were when I was 6, yet if I let the DCs walk to school along at that age as I did in 1974 I would be considered unhinged. I wish we could change that. "

Boffin-are the roads by you really the same as 1974?? I find that very hard to believe tbh. There isn't loads of traffic on the streets between us and school, but the difference between now and when I was a kid is that the cars are about 3 times the size! Every other person is bombing down the road in a frickin Range Rover tank type thing, and they can't see anything out the windows that is lower than 5 feet tall.
Every curb is also parked, making it much harder for a small child to see properly both ways before they cross.
Anyway, I doubt many roads in the uK have the same volume of traffic as 1974.
I do think the German (much mocked) thing of always waiting for the Green man is brilliant actually. I am training 7 yr old to do just that. Children can't accurately judge distance until arund 11, so teaching them " green man or don't cross" on a major road is just right!

I really wish children in the UK could have the freedoms we used to have, and that Scandi kids have still.

My kid is certainly going to die of piles because I let her sit for half a minute on a park bench in spring. (Living in Russia.)

Somebody mentioned "lørdagsgodt" for Norway, I believe that is still the norm here. Loosely translated it means "Saturday-treat" which is to say that on Saturday the children are given sweets, pop and crisps as a treat. Usually given in the evening while watching tv. The idea is that you only get this on Saturdays, and of course on other special days like birthdays, for Christmas, Easter etc. I think nowadays this is not practised as strictly as when I was young. However I think most Norwegians would be shocked on hearing about UK lunch box treats, if this is true...? :-)

Over the years, I've visited families in Ireland but not often enough for all the kids to know each other well. Imagine my initial surprise when my kids would be warmly welcomed, handed an OJ, a packet of sweets or crisps and allowed to choose the DVD or telly to watch! This is middle class families in the smartest parts of town. I would be run out of my circles of friends in the UK for doing similar.

I thought it was most strange but actually it's a splendid idea. The kids bond over TV then run around having a great time with their new best friends (full of sugar too) while the parents have peace to catch up.

And best of all - NO-ONE mentions how their child is doing in school, boasting is unheard of unless genuinely pointing out a real achievement (e.g. first prize in something) and there is no competition over whose children are "best". Ask how an Irish child is doing at school and you'll be told "grand" unless there is a genuine problem they want to share.

in Sweden kids have lördagsgodis which I think is the same idea as in Norway. It is still really common, you see kids choosing their sweets on a saturday and there certainly are no sweets/chrisps for lunch (apart from pancakes, they somehow count as a ballanced meal once a week) people are shocked that English kids are given chrisps and chocolate in their school lunches, they are also shocked they get given sandwiches for lunch, all kids get a free hot school dinner in Sweden, they only have packe dlunch when they go on school trips, then the kids have extravagant lunches involving different foods in plastic pots and thermos flasks.

LePetitPrince I'm going to seriously consider this idea of welcome for kids!

In Norway we are, at least I am very envious of Sweden and other countries that serve nice warm meals at school. I believe France also have some good traditions when it comes to food at nursery and school. Or I may just be brainwashed by Pamela Druckerman's book "French children don't throw food"?