I would be a bad mum... if I still lived in Germany! Or: differences in traditions and guidelines

[dodi1978]

I am German, but have lived in the UK for 10 years. In fact, I had somehow acquired a husband, a house and a baby at pretty much exactly 10 years after arrived on an Easyjet flight with one suitcase . Said baby is now almost eight months old.

But that's not relevant here...

What is relevant is the fact that I am a terrible mum! Yes I am! At least if I am judge myself against German guidelines on weaning.

In the UK, the three rules seem to be:

1. Start around six months of age.
2. Avoid salt and sugar.
3. Don't give honey and nuts (ok, and a couple of other things, but the list is small).

And then, there is of course BLW vs. purees etc.

In Germany, BLW seems to be something that nobody has ever heard of. Even friends who have had babies recently seem to be utterly puzzled when I mentioned that some parents don’t give their baby any purees at all.

I’m doing a mixture of purees and finger food, having the little one eat what we eat whenever possible. But according to German guidance, I seem to have got it wrong, because, apparently, babies should have

• A potato – vegetable – meat – puree at lunchtime
• A milk – cereal – broth in the evening
• And a cereal – fruit broth in the morning

Ahem, fail!!! My pancakes with blueberry compote in the morning (which we only have occasionally, by the way) just don’t pass muster.

There are all kinds of other rules and guidelines as well, e.g. that that you should add rapeseed oil (no olive oil before one year!) to certain foods and how much and, oh yes, no yogurt before 10 months (fail!) etc. etc.

Sometimes, dear MNers, I am glad I am living in the UK! I don’t do well with rigid rules. Even the Pampers website has completely different guidance on weaning, when you look at the UK and the German version.

But this made me think… if you are from another country, or have raised a child in another country, what differences have you noticed in the guidance given and in the practice around birth, food, sleep, toilet training etc. as compared to the UK?

I am just asking this out of interest! It’d be great to hear your stories!

I have an Iranian friend who cannot say no to her DC. She will trawl 4/5 shops to buy her DC the exact toy that they've decided they want on a whim. I don't know if this is cultural but her DSs are definitely treated as kings and are fairly undisciplined. She looks in horror when I say no to DC if they ask for something.

I still remember my Schultuete! It was bright orange. It matched my Schulranzen and to top it off - I was dressed in orange top to toe on my first day! I still have a picture and it makes me giggle. That was back in the 80s...

DS started reception last September and he is August born. I got him a fully coordinated dinosaur set of Kindergarten bag, P.E. bag, pencil case, money bag, umbrella for his birthday ready for school. He loves it and his class friends too.

I can't wait for him to be old enough to waste money splash out on a coordinated Scout system.

I suppose, having read this thread, that's the only German thing left inside me. I've been here too long, not in touch with German family anymore, but the obsession with perfect school gear is still in me.

Germans would definitely tut at me for taking him to school without a coat when it's only a couple of degrees outside. He doesn't want to wear it, he isn't cold and I suppose it's toughening him up. I on the other hand freeze below 20 degrees and wrap up in a winter coat even when most Brits walk around in t-shirts. I was even freezing on holiday in Barbados, fgs! Must be the many layers in my childhood that made me nesh (as DH says...).

DH is half Spanish /half Italian. We live in the UK.

I am always in trouble about the DC not wearing slippers. Last summer near Malaga the themperature was about 38c, DD2 got Bronchitis. MIL asked the paediatrician about the DC running around barefoot, fortunately he told her that unless it was barefoot outside in snow it wasn't a problem!

I was quite an anxious, by-the-book first time mum with my PFB and stuck strictly to the 'rules' on weaning my DS on baby rice and mushed veg. I remember having lunch at a Nigerian friend's home and her 1 year old was chowing down on chicken drumsticks and jellof rice. I was appalled

WidowWadman you might not get Lemsip, but you can buy tea to treat every possible ailment . We not only have Kinder-Erkältungstee (tea for colds) in our cupboard, but also Kinder-Hustentee (tea for coughs). I'm still not sure which you force feed your child when they are coughing because they have a cold, though!

Do other countries put babies' legs in a brace to help their hips set in the correct position? Dd's hips were assessed at birth by ultrasound and we were told to put a folded muslin between her legs over the nappy to keep her legs spread. After a follow-up appt at six weeks we were told she was then fine, but some friends had to have a brace on their babies for three months. I've never heard of any friends in the UK having to do this, is it just a German thing?

Don't even get me started on fecking Nieren- und Blasentee which my mother believes to be the elixier of life and doesn't understand why I don't drink it by the bucket load, and if not that I could at least drink effing fennel tea.

Blasentee? Blow job tea?

blase means bladder.

Frau Englisch - we had that in Romania too, with keeping the legs spread (we were told to put a folded muslin and another nappy on top). Took her back to UK for a check up, asked them to see if there was still a problem with her hips, and if she would have to have a brace - they looked at us as if we were mad and told us her legs were fine (in fact they looked at us as if we were mad when they saw the double nappy and muslin).

Yes there are hip braces for babies with hip dysplasia ("clicky hips") in the UK - my daughter had them for several weeks as a newborn: full-time at first then gradually less and less. Had to hold the bones still while cartilage in the hip socket developed into firm bone. Have hardly heard of anyone else needing it so not too common.

I am feeling very [envious]. I went to. French school, answer had the huge posh satchels (cartables) but no enormous cone of sweets!

WidowWadman - omg - like this one forum.gofeminin.de/forum/matern2/__f2448_matern2-Welchen-Ranzen-fur-Schulanfanger.html nuts and I thought ppl on mn were pfb!

There no Angst like Ranzen-Angst

That's another interesting topic, foreign mumsnets. The main discussions in the Estonian one seem to be 'What are your babies/children wearing today' and there's usually a bunfight between people who use winter snowsuit and others who are still/already using spring/autumn overalls.

Totally agree with dranksangriainthepark. Moved to Italy when DC were 2 and 6 weeks. So I was already a bad mother for travelling with such a small child. I am also a terrible mother becauses DC's bed time is 830. Apparently we arepunishing them with such an early bed time.

I am Danish (or Danish/Italian, Luxembourgish) but brought up in Denmark. But have been living for some years in the UK, so here is my
UK compared to Denmark.

UK gives fare more antibiotic out, so easy to get, and often its given in a bigger amount than needed, just in case or for future use.
UK thinks children will freeze to death if they sleep outside in winter time,
in Denmark, children sleep outside in their pram, gives them fresh air. We use different duvets, so the child is covered in connection with the year.
in UK the school thinks, they know better what you child should be served, like white toast, fries and fried food and all these weird little bags of crisp. In Denmark we give our children homemade lunches with them,
made of rye bread, veggies and water/juice/lemonade.
In Denmark, children bike with their parents, siblings or alone to school, parents do not need to drive them around all the time.

my dc have 'ranzenenvy' but then the children in germany have to carry their textbooks with them and they often walk to school, sometimes a mile or so (on their own). so it makes sense that they are ergonomical. still too bloody expensive. dc's school backpack cost 10£ and is fine for the reading book, lunchbag homework book.

I'm a bad mum because

• I don't make my dc wear slippers (we get given at least 3 pairs per year as they are essential
• t-shirt in march is fine when it's 20 degrees
• my dc don't get warm drinks (herbal tea or milk) they don't like them
• they don't have to clear their plate
• I don't give homeopathic sugar pill for any ailments

oh, and I get berated about the early school start. can't I defer? family just doesn't get that the system is different.

What a great thread!

I am Dutch.

My English friends think I am strange because I put DD in a play pen like this: www.babyzaak-online.nl/Coming-Kids-Basic-Shine-Baby-Box-p-19480.html one friend asked if DD didn't feel like a prisoner

They also think we are nuts for teaching our children how to ride a bike at a very young age and not putting helmets on them.

My one friend always comments on how DD's clothes are so different to the UK. Her DD is always in soft shades of pink or lilac. Mine wears bright colours and only a small amount is pink.

My Dutch friends hadn't heard of BLW, but it is starting to gain some popularity.

They are also a big fan of the up your bum type painkillers, however you only give them if really needed as having a mid fever is good. It is a sign that your body is fighting off the infection...

Sids is not such a big deal. The risks are quickly explained but the guidelines are much more relaxed. Yet our Sids death rates are really low.

Young children walk to/from school or cycle by themselves and leaving your dc home alone for a moment is not considered a criminal offence!

HoneyandRum- the children all get the seats at the Sunday Mass because it's the Messa dei fanciulli (children's mass) It's done in a special way to make it more accessible for them, and of course to prepare all the catechism classes for their Holy Communion.

Our church is teeny tiny and all the adults end up standing up and the shouty catechism teachers get very cross if a grown up sits down when there is a child standing.

In France it is considered normal to put some 'cereals' in a baby bottle rather than spoon feed them the same mixture (well it is more runny of course!).
In the UK I have been told that I was 'giving mixed signals' to my child and 'force feeding him' by doing that. And that said child will grow up to be obese. I pointed out to the HV that in France that's what people do and people in general are slimmer but she didn't have any of it ....

And playpens yes.

But interestingly enough, anyone using reins in France would be frown upon 'as you would be treating your child like a dog' ....

In Norway, we are also quite fond of play-pens, it keeps the young child safe while mum or dad goes to the toilet, does some cooking or other. If I'm handling hot pots and pans I don't want to have my one year old running around me in the kitchen, for safety reasons. I think he actually really enjoys it in there, he sits reading his books or talking to his teddies. Sometimes he will go in himself, close the door behind him and sit down with a book. Are playpens not ok in the uk? I have heard that they are not to keen on them in the us.

DXB I am in the Netherlands and arrived 2 months before DS1 was born. I LOVED the idea of a "box" (the playpen) as it gave me somewhere to put the baby away from the dog and nice and high (to save my back) but still very safe. I can't understand why everyone doesn't use them.

And everybody is very concerned we don't use cycle helmets. I had one on DS1 when I first got a mamafiets (a mum bike) because I wasn't confident of my ability but it wasn't long before I had 2 kids, shopping and school bags on my bike (and no helmets).

Play pens used To be used in the UK but I think as some parents would leave the DCs in it, or a Walker, or fabric swing type seat hanging off a door frame, for most of the day they bécame kind of demonised.

My mother had one, we all used it and I remember a nephew only 6 yrs younger than me being dumped in the play pen as my sister arrived and wasn't acknoweldged To again úntil she went home, however long they stayed. MIL knew a child who didn't learn To walk as they were in a high chair all day every day úntil school age, would have been better off in a play pen.

I also had a one for my twins for when I was cooking, answering the door/phone, using the loo etc.

Some people use play pens in the UK - we certainly did. I put all the noisy toys in there so it was the most exciting play zone in the house!

Twunk well done of mastering the art of cycling while carrying babies and shopping. Have you graduated to cycling while holding an umbrella yet?

I have understood that play pens used to popular in the UK too, but up till now nobody could tell me why they have fallen out of fashion. Thanks for the info AdoraBell Do think that if you think that way you might as well get ridd of all places to put a baby including prams, jumperoos and the lot. Makes me sad actually as I think that a child really benefits from learning to entertain themselves alone in a safe environment.