WWYD? I am NOT a stalker. I am just waiting for my train!

[OooohHorlicks]

So for three days a week I take a train to work. I stand on the platform and wait for the train and don’t really register anything or anyone. I vaguely stand behind a couple that also wait for the train because they stand in the place where the door stops, and it is just in my nature to form a queue.

Anyway this week I was gazing into space and noticed that the woman in front of me kept gesturing towards me. So I tuned in. “I just hate it”, she says to the man. “She always stands behind us.” "Arse, she’s got a point", I think. And I can see how it must be totally disconcerting, but I never really saw it as standing behind them, just as standing where the doors stop, and they usually get to the platform first.

So the following day I resolved to stand to the side of them rather than behind and I noticed out of the corner of my eye that she had marched further down the platform with the man. Fair enough, I think. Problem solved – you don’t like it, then move. Wait for the train. I turn my head to see it as it pulls in and she is looking at me laughing, and then giving the man a triumphant laugh.

Now I am slightly torn. On the one hand I am thinking she needs to get a life / grip / perspective, is obviously very petty, and for three or four minutes in a morning I am quite happy to ignore the ridiculous behaviour and stand where I please. On the other hand I can actually see why it would be disconcerting to have a random standing behind you every day and I feel slightly aggrieved at being held out to be a stalker when I am barely able to function and just unthinkingly doing what I always do.

So what do I do? It’s a small station and a short train, only 4 carriages. I could wait further along to get on one of the other carriages but they are either ones with a toilet on (grim) or high risk in terms of getting / not getting a seat. But I can’t really be doing with this every morning. I just want a quiet life. Hopefully they will just continue to wait further down the platform but if they get there before me I suspect they will make a point of waiting in their usual space.

So what would you do? Apart from tell me to worry about something worth worrying about?

Nessalina, I am rolling with laughter over picture the OP pulling the ninja cat move on Nasty-hair-flikker....

I've read this entire thread and IMO the very best/funniest suggestion was to stand behind her, lean forward slowly and sniff her hair. Hilarious, worrying and discreet all at once. LOL!

This just has to go in classics!

Shamelessly marking my place for next Wednesday I have no semblance a life.

I would stroll up to her, hands in pockets as relaxed as you can, and in your friendliest, most smilingly polite manner (you know, like Nigel Havers or Joanna Lumley) say,

"Excuse me. I don't know if you realise, but talking about strangers on the platform waiting for the train makes you seem a bit mad."

Then just turn away.

Actually can I do it for you, oh can I, pleeeeeease?

I have been struggling not to laugh reading this. If anyone in the office looked at me they'd have thought i was having a seizure as i gurned and fidgeted trying to hold the laughter in.

I keep laughing at the dressing up as a giant bunny and holding a lollipop which was my favorite. I second that one for a day off, turn up, stand behind staring into the middle distance face straight ahead.
Dont get on the train and keep staring straight ahead just as it pulls away turn to where shes sitting (she'll definitely be near the window) and just wave mechanically, stand there until the train is out of sight (then move house as you'll never be able to go back to the train station)

How are we going to cope with only getting a fix once a week?!

Loving the replies! Get like a walkie talkie and get it it to that cracking noise then talk back into it and give some sort of policey code like sierra tango foxtrot pc "plod" here, yes I have the suspects right in sight now"
Wish I had the nerve to carry out some of the suggestions in similar situations!!

Hurry up next Wednesday!

Ah if it's going to be a week I really have to mark my place. This is hilarious.
Nearly had to take my inhaler after reading about the FIL's horse impression. Bloody Brilliant loon !!!

Shamelessly marking place.

.

This was my favourite thread from last week, so I am very, very shamelessly marking my place so it doesn't drop down my TIO list.

I've reported this thread and suggested it should go into Classics. Would be a shame to lose it.

I am surprised Horlicks managed to keep a straight-ish face when she last saw them, I would be rolling in the aisles, pissing myself laughing after all your suggestions!

Next time she gets in front of you, get nearer with a pair of hair scissors and whisper menacingly "This is what we do to you crazy hairflickers!"

Oh the newspaper with eyeholes is GENIUS!

I love this thread. You guys are all hilarious. I can't even pick my favourite idea. Has anyone suggested taking a picture of her and turning it into a mask, then wearing it to stand in "her" spot?

What a silly bitch she is.

Next time you go stand behind them, get a friend to call your phone and answer it loudly "chief inspector ....insert fake surname.. speaking".
Go on to have a fake conversation as if she is a lower ranking officer who has made a mistake and rip her to pieces, they won't bother you again!!!!

Rofl just seen the mask suggestion this is my favourite!!!

Roll on Wednesday

Play it cool in a fake Moustache and glasses combo. Maybe whisper it is I leclair in a french accent!

The wait is killing me, Wednesday can't come soon enough.

Another shameless place mark. I'll be firing the laptop up early on Wednesday! :-D

Please update this from work - Wednesday can't come fast enough!

Yay it has made it to Classics. Crazy thread- loving all the ideas.

Hurrah for Classics! Hopefully OP isn't affected by flooding and can catch her train as planned....