WWYD? I am NOT a stalker. I am just waiting for my train!

[OooohHorlicks]

So for three days a week I take a train to work. I stand on the platform and wait for the train and don’t really register anything or anyone. I vaguely stand behind a couple that also wait for the train because they stand in the place where the door stops, and it is just in my nature to form a queue.

Anyway this week I was gazing into space and noticed that the woman in front of me kept gesturing towards me. So I tuned in. “I just hate it”, she says to the man. “She always stands behind us.” "Arse, she’s got a point", I think. And I can see how it must be totally disconcerting, but I never really saw it as standing behind them, just as standing where the doors stop, and they usually get to the platform first.

So the following day I resolved to stand to the side of them rather than behind and I noticed out of the corner of my eye that she had marched further down the platform with the man. Fair enough, I think. Problem solved – you don’t like it, then move. Wait for the train. I turn my head to see it as it pulls in and she is looking at me laughing, and then giving the man a triumphant laugh.

Now I am slightly torn. On the one hand I am thinking she needs to get a life / grip / perspective, is obviously very petty, and for three or four minutes in a morning I am quite happy to ignore the ridiculous behaviour and stand where I please. On the other hand I can actually see why it would be disconcerting to have a random standing behind you every day and I feel slightly aggrieved at being held out to be a stalker when I am barely able to function and just unthinkingly doing what I always do.

So what do I do? It’s a small station and a short train, only 4 carriages. I could wait further along to get on one of the other carriages but they are either ones with a toilet on (grim) or high risk in terms of getting / not getting a seat. But I can’t really be doing with this every morning. I just want a quiet life. Hopefully they will just continue to wait further down the platform but if they get there before me I suspect they will make a point of waiting in their usual space.

So what would you do? Apart from tell me to worry about something worth worrying about?

Ooh, I am LURVING MartinSheens idea.

This thread is hilarious

If I was incredibly rich I would pay people to dress up as you and be all over the platform and on the train, like in The Thomas Crown Affair.

I'd have loads of fun if I was rich and would probably waste it all and get arrested

notso I wish you were rich too!

Liberal Well it is lottery night so we might be in luck!

I don't think that was an anti-climax but I am another one wishing notso was rich.

It's the execution of the kipper plan that would flummox me. I would have to walk onto the platform actually carrying it. And what would I do with the empty bag once I have made the drop?!

Anyway I'm almost scared to tell you that I won't be getting the train again until next Wednesday!! I am slightly concerned as this gives them an entire week to get used to standing where they please so she will be even more miffed next week. But I intend to brazen it out again!

notso I wish you were rich too!

OP if you're free this afternoon. Can you not just go there for the sake of it?

I think you should go and wave her off in the mornings!

I would simply blow her a kiss, everytime she looked over. Perhaps give a cheeky wink. She'll stop, soon enough.

Pass her a note that says " The squirrel flys at midnight and lands at dawn"

Tap my nose

then run away

Loving this thread, you have to do some of these ideas though

Well done for standing your ground OP, but disappointed in your commitment to the cause not being there for the rest of the week

I like that vegetarians wants you to tap her nose ... That'd be ace

Start with raisins, smarties - work up to the fish

ffs op!!

Has anyone said "classic"?! Because it is. Some very creative ideas. Brilliant. Roll on next Wednesday. In the meantime practice being flicky so you show your ability to learn platform culture

This. This is why I love MN.

ooh, ooh! >waves arm in air madly<

instead of kippers why not start with pom bears and/or naice ham ?

Loving the t shirts!

tryingreallytrying : all the wonderful ideas on here but I know i'd do as you do and do my famous hard-faced staring. I'd not speak as I go squeaky with stress and it ruins the effect.

I once really freaked someone out just before a uni lecture started by informing him, wide eyed & slightly awed tone, that he was "one of them". He stopped me in town about a week later to ask what I meant! I'd completely forgotten but it'd been bothering him since! I felt bad & explained it was just a silly game I was playing with my friend. She recorded her BF on her phone asking to be "let out" because "it's dark in here" & he's "scared". She then set it as her alarm tone & arranged for it to go off at odd times in her bag!

I'm pretty sure just standing behind her & giggling at the memory of this thread will be sufficient to freak her out! If she asks what's so funny you could smile sweetly & explain that you're just remembering your friends' suggestions for what you could do if she continues to act like she owns the platform!

You do really need to go down every day whether or not you actually have to catch the train. We need updates!

In fact, that would be even better. Be there every morning. Stand in your usual place and don't get on the train. Just stare her out, wait till she's on and then visibly turn and walk off. That'll mess with her mind.

Yes, go every morning, in a variety of poor disguises. Then walk away as the train arrives.