You daft apeth

[Kasterborous]

No, not you but I heard this phrase yesterday and haven't heard it for ages. We used to say it when anyone had done something daft, but in a lighthearted way.

Another old favourite is 'crosspatch' as in 'don't be a crosspatch' when someone is being -well - cross.

We had 'daps' too!

Looking like a wet weekend

Bloomin' heck

Your necks so dirty, you could grow potatoes

Cat got your tongue

Running around like a blue assed fly! (No idea where that is from)

Going to see a man about a dog

You must think the sun shines.....(out of his arse)

I'd never thought of it like that BalloonSlayer suppose it makes a kind of sense. Don't think I'll use it again though!

These have bought back some memories.

I love 'well i'll go to t'foot of our stairs!' My dad and grandad used to say that all the time. I've got some odd looks the few times i've said it though.

I'm definitley familliar with the 'barm cakes' conversation. I've not lived up North since i was barely walking but still say barm cakes and can never think of the 'proper' word to explain to people what I mean.

One my mum always says is "He's all there all there with his lemon drops." Meaning someone is mentally competent and able to understand things Never understood it and don't think i've ever heard anyone else say it either

We say " It's coming down in stair rods" to mean it's raining hard...
Heard someone say "it's coming down in steroids" which is not the same thing at all!

"what's for tea mum"
"windmill pie"
"eh"
"if it goes round, you get a bit"

makes ABSOLUTELY no sense, that.

Standing there like a tin o'milk.

Like a pimple on a knicki ( looking ridiculously ineffective)

Wild woman of Borneo (that's me that is )

Spare prick at a wedding?

Standing there 'like one of Lewis's'

Someone on MN said today (perfectly reaonably) "fuck that for a bag of toffee." I love that and am going to struggle not to say that to someone at work tomorrow who is asking me to do something pathetic and pointless.

Have googled both wiggle on and wriggle on and both appear. So who knows.

Pretty sure my dad said wiggle. Sadly he's not here to ask.

He also used to say when you were really tired you could "sleep on a hatpin" which I still say.

Ooh also Dad used to say "tuffies" for sweets - but any kind of sweets, not just toffees.

I was delighted when I met my husband that he said the same (a bit random - they were not from the same area at all!)

"What's for tea?"
"Iffits."

If it's there you can have it, if it's not you can't.

Another one I remember is when someone tripped up you'd say 'nice trip, where's me rock'.

We were always being told to stop being "gormless' and to "stop standing there like Clem" - still no idea who or what Clem was...

If we asked my mum what was for tea she would always say bee's knees and spiders ankles. The first time I said it to my ds he cried and said I don't like them.

'I'm that tired I could sleep on a clothes line'

'You're not as green as you're cabbage looking' meaning you're on the ball / not as thick as you look.

'Mind your beeswax'

Going to see a man about a dog we got told that all the time, I swear to god we never got told what was actually happening/where anybody was going.

Pick us a winner

(For the dirty nose-pickers out there)

"Were you born in a barn?" (if you'd left the door open)
"What's for tea? Bread and pull it"
"She was giving him the glad eye" (flirting)

Our family always said they were off to 'spend a penny' when nipping to the loo.

My gran used to say the woman across the road was 'no better than she should be' (what does that even mean?) and 'all fir coat and no kickers'.

I should cocoa

You are a gannet

A Lancashire phrase of my mum's, to be said if someone was rude about something of yours:

'It's clean and it's paid for.'

As useful as an underwater hair dryer
Face like a wet weekend (both fairly self explanatory)

However I always thought it was "There'll be wigs on the green" as in olden days when men wore wigs, if they fought, the wigs would fall off?

Neck like a jockey's bollox (I.e. a hard neck - the nerve of him)

I could eat a nun's leg through the convent gates with no salt or pepper on it

I haven't laughed so much since me mammy caught her diddies in the mangle (ouch!)

When putting makeup on "two of sand and one of cement"
Referring to (usually my) skirts "will you put the pelmet back when you've worn it?"
When you're hungry "I could eat a scabby donkey"
I recognise most of these especially piffy and mithered

Who's she? The cat's mother?

Describing an unlucky person - 'if it was raining soup she'd be out with a fork.'
If you were looking for something and couldn't find it my mum would say'It's up in Nelly's room behind the wallpaper'. Who is Nelly!!!!
A sally rod is a rod made with twigs from hazel I think.