My tip of the day for you all.

[MissStrawberry]

You can thank me later.

When you want to get out of the car, it is always sensible, and useful, to take your seat belt off first.

You're welcome .

soup I did that this morning. It was an ordeal.

soup I did that too years ago.

you feel quite alive suddenly

It kind of makes you turn operatic to a degree

it is a good idea to check you have put your skirt on before legging it out of the house to the bus stop so you are not late for work.

Turn the engine off before you put petrol in your car...otherwise the new petrol won't register on the needle and you will have to go into the petrol station to complain.

You will look like a tit that should be walking.

Oh and if you think your car needs petrol and you go to fill it up on the way to work make sure your good hearted husband hasn't done it for you the night before and you end up narking at the staff of said petrol station that there is something wrong with the pump.

After filling with petrol, put the petrol cap back on and don't leave it on the car roof. Sometimes you will be able to find it again at the roundabout where it flew off - sometimes you won't.

Don't fill your petrol car with diesel - it will look as though you are driving a small airplane down the motorway and destroy your engine.

Don't throw your car keys in the bin.

Do put the lid of the blender on before blending hot soup (I actually cried over the results over that one....).

Check trainers for cat sick before you put your foot in them. Also turn the light on for night time toilet trips to avoid more cat sick between the toes.

Remove foil from nutella jar if you are going to warm it in the microwave.

Remove new expensive phone from jeans pocket before pulling them down to use the toilet. Smartphones cannot swim.

Do not rinse said smartphone under the tap to remove toilet germs. It does not help the situation at all.

Cars need petrol - that is all.

Oh wait there's more? Oil too and water you say? Well, well, well...

I've done the phone one, then washed it to make sure it wasn't germy, I even used antibacterial hand soap, took a few days, but it did start drying up and working, eventually!

Reminded byAcinonyx

Don't just THINK the pressure cooker is cool enough to open KNOW FOR A FACT it is cool enough to open. I was cleaning lamb and barley up for what felt like forever.

Only pop out to the washing line barefoot late at night for the school skirt you forgot to bring in if you actually enjoy squashed slug between your toes.

Also when painting with toddlers, avoid putting your glass of apple juice next to the glass of painty water. They don't taste the same.

Oh, how could I forget these words of wisdom...

do not Nair your piles

ahem.

Don't fill your petrol car with diesel - it will look as though you are driving a small airplane down the motorway and destroy your engine.

This applies double if you are a police officer in uniform and the car has obvious markings and a blue light on top, it is not the car you do the school run in that is diesel.

Thanx for the contact lense tip, I have warn 2 pairs at once.

when someone (not to be sexist but ime male) and unfamiliar with a kitchen offers to peel potatoes for you do explain to them that the potatoes need rinsing afterwards and the peel putting in the food recycling. leaving in them both in a pan together isn't that much help.

Kittens can survive in a fridge, but you really don't want to find out for how long.

Never ever answer your work telephone less than half hour before you plan to leave. Two hours on a Friday.

You need a swimming costume packed if you want to have a swim.

Sometimes the only answer to s problem is to get steaming drunk.

"Alive" is certainly one way of describing the mint showergel effect! :o It is a mistake I have only made once.

Never eat anything bigger than your own head.

Ah yes, Gin, the soup, the soup - I still shudder to think of it....

Do put the top back on the hot water bottle before putting into your bed. It takes a long time to dry a mattress with a hair dryer.

Before you get arsey with the person behind flashing their lights...check you haven't left your indicator on.

While in a foreign city with different-to-UK taxis check that the car you jump into in heavy traffic is actually a taxi before demanding the driver get you to the bank before it closes. Very nice, but confused man did take me to the bank though, bless him.

Do not spray toilet freshener towards your eyes to see what it looks like when it comes out. It may be the last thing you ever see.

[6yo self. I thought I was blinded for life]

equally do not fill your diesel car with petrol.
these two substances are not interchangeable.

also do not accidentally shave off a fingernail sized piece of skin off your elbow with the non-triple-blade side of a razor.
it fucking hurts.

However, do rescue said piece of skin from razor and after performing successful self-skin regrafting do tell everyone about how you missed your calling as a plastic surgeon.
it will be much appreciated!

do report hilarious threads so they are made into Classics!