My tip of the day for you all.

[MissStrawberry]

You can thank me later.

When you want to get out of the car, it is always sensible, and useful, to take your seat belt off first.

You're welcome .

Ok this one isn't me, its the person who I bought my house from:

Don't apply for new buildings & contents insurance costing £600 using your old address. You may find its not valid as you last lived there 6 years ago.

When nervously lying in the dentist chair and being told by the dentist that "he's going to do some impressions now", don't start launching into a monologue of "Oooh. What you going to do?! A bit of Jimmy Saville? "Now then. Now then" Oh no. We can't do him anymore can we? How about Columbo? "Jussht one more thing...""

It will be met by stony faced silence and leave the impression (no pun intended) that you are clearly quite mad

You're welcome

haha, this thread has had me giggling all the way to town with dd2

My own personal tip.....

hairspray and deodorant do NOT live in the fridge....or pantry.....or under the sink!! It took me four goes the other day to get them back to the bathroom shelf where they DO live

don't ever expect your children to be ready on time in the morning.

I hear you say "but what about a 12-year-old?"

sorry? are you actually mad? don't you know that ALL children have selective amnesia when it comes to the simple routine of breakfast-bathroom - clothes on?

Also don't use the word "hurry" as they will only hear "take your time, no rush and best if you wind your brother up so he doesn't get ready either"

so don't fight it and just accept it that they have the upperhand and you will never win the game of "Morning Rush"!

When carrying out your pre-bed beauty routine in the dark, make sure you put toner on your face and not nail varnish remover.

a car key is a far superior tool to a breadstick or a pencil when you attempt to turn the engine on.
just sayin'

Zing, are you the oracle?

don't cut off your eyelashes

don't wash disposable nappies in the washing machine. it doesn't end well

when you have fallen over and smashed your knees up 2 days ago try to actually avoid kneeling at every opportunity because it hurts now and will every time

Remember to press end call, when leaving a message on schools answer phone.

Zing I have done that so many times. I had to hoover the drum of the washing machine out contless times. The mess... It gets EVERYWHERE!!!

there's no such thing as "child-proof"
it's a con

Never wrap your comb up with your fringe. I am still the butt of everyones jokes at work 5 year later after a colleague had to assist me to cut it out. I lost my fringe and my pride that day. My fringe was a mere tuft about 4mm long. I could do not a thing with it except get another cut in using hair from further back but I had to wait 2 days till my days off to go the hairdresser...

Loving these I feel more normal now

Zing's Laws of Motion (of children)

1. the louder you shout the slower they get

1. the less time you have the slower they get

1. the more distracted/busy you are the more active they get (making mess, fighting etc)

in summary whatever you do you are fuckef

fucked even

Mine is a driving one, ensure when reversing out onto your road that you do not do so into the path of a police car who was (slowly) driving out of the farm track opposite.

Not my finest driving moment.

< has warm glow at helping so many people >

I have thought of another one. Always check you actually put the kettle on to boil after flicking the switch to filter the water through. .

Don't try and flush a poo down the sink.

Don't put your dirty knickers in the toilet.

Don't think that icing sugar will be an adequate substitute in your coffee.

It is recommended that you don't use After Sun as hair conditioner.

The deodorant instead of dry hair shampoo actually works though

If you piss off a cat, it gets revenge by waking you at 4am
Hth

Slow cookers are brilliant, especially when you go out for the day and come home to a lovely cooked meal ready. This is generally more successful if you plug the slow cooker in.

When making tea is usually helpful to put the teabag in the cup, not just boiling water and milk.

red paint is not a good substitute for ketchup.

When you get changed always remember to take your clothes off before you put the clean ones one. Similarly, ensure that all items of clothing are removed before you get into the shower or bath.

Food cooks quicker if the oven is on.

When doing a urine sample remember to not drop the pot down the loo. You will only end up having to explain to the midwife where your sample is and will get faces.

telephones/remotes/keys/the newspaper don't belong in the freezer.

Always make sure you have both shoes on before you leave. Noticing when you are already on the bus isn't helpful.

one last thing. When a recipe asks for an egg, remember to crack the shell and then throw the shell in the bin. do not crack the shell and then crumble it into the mixture. Egg shell isn't a nice texture...

These are not things I have done. Not at all. Nope. Just things I have heard others do. I would never be so foolish...