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Original poster

The utterly ridiculous / hysterical comments your friends come out with, in which you seriously question if they live on the same planet as you...[lighttheart]

594 replies

daughterofafarmer · 02/10/2013 11:26

My friend said this utter gem last week...

'I'm buying DS a 2nd pair of Wellingtons as I don't have an Aga to help dry out the wet pair....'

Another friend

'I don't think one should children until you can afford childcare'....Que me nearly spitting out my drink...

OP posts:
theluckiest · 04/10/2013 23:42

Ok here's mine....

Staying in California with my lovely friend....we stayed at her family home that came with its own housekeeper. Who was a bit nuts. And had a bit of a drink problem. I met her on our last day, my friend spoke to her for ages then introduced me...' Oh this is my friend Luckiest, she's from England.' Odd housekeeper lady fixed me with a steely (drunken?) stare and said 'Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I've been jabbering on for ages and you haven't understood a word!!'. Erm, no. Am english. From England. Y'know....

DHs uncle told him to buy sun cream when he arrived in another country as they have a 'different kind of sun'.

I honestly used to think that Yves St Laurent was pronounced Yives Saint Lorent. Classy me.

BeCool · 04/10/2013 23:47

My sister picks me up from the airport on a return trip home from Uk to NZ.

I'm dazzled by the light - if's different down there, more intense, brighter. I comment on it to my sister.

"Light!" she says. "Light! It's the sun BeCool, the sun, the same sun as in UK!" she laughs.

I love her madly but it is so weird she doesn't get the difference between light and sunshine.

ScrambledSmegs · 04/10/2013 23:49

About 'biopic'. I think it's a compound word, from Biographical Picture (ie film). So you pronounce each part as they would be in the original words.

I used to think epitome was pronounced eppy-tome though so I'm not entirely trustworthy.

ScrambledSmegs · 04/10/2013 23:49

About 'biopic'. I think it's a compound word, from Biographical Picture (ie film). So you pronounce each part as they would be in the original words.

I used to think epitome was pronounced eppy-tome though so I'm not entirely trustworthy.

ScrambledSmegs · 04/10/2013 23:51

Bugger. It wasn't exciting enough for a duplicate post Blush

PedantMarina · 04/10/2013 23:54

Not sure if this is a cheat, because she never was a friend. During the time of a major upheaval in government, she said "well, [a.n. event] is definitely going to happen [btw, it never did]. Because Nostradamus said so"

I just looked at her and all I could think was "I can't fucking believe you can vote and I can't" (was a guest in the country at the time).

AnaisHendricks · 04/10/2013 23:56

I remember being horribly embarrassed aged about five for thinking that the Justice League of America was pronounced "Lea-gue" Blush

WiddleAndPuke · 05/10/2013 00:11

I only learned how to pronounce the word "paradigm" properly about a month ago. I'd always heard it in my head as "para-dij-um".

Luckily I've never said it aloud due to not having a clue what it means. My ignorance has some uses Grin

I'm loving this thread. Those poor boneless chickens, flopping about the place unable to peck :(

I had a bloke come to look at my flat when I sold it who remarked on the contents of my bookshelf - "Oh I see you like Stephen King. I'm not keen on him. I find his books a bit American for my taste".

Yes well an American writer writing stories about Americans, set in America will tend to have a slightly American feel Hmm

AnaisHendricks · 05/10/2013 00:16

Grin about King being too American.

Didactylos · 05/10/2013 00:20

dear friend, bless her, debating whether it was worth going out and buying chocolate late at night

'So... how late does the 24 hr garage stay open?'

foreverchanging · 05/10/2013 00:29

A work colleague talking about dry white wine:

"Why do they call it dry wine? It's not dry is it? It's runny. If I spilt this, it would all be wet! How can runny drink be dry?"

Yes, she was being serious.

CharityFunDay · 05/10/2013 00:44

Blackberrybakewell

Husband's friend thought the sun and the moon were the same thing.

Yes!

I went to university with a girl who thought the same thing. When we questioned her about it, it came out that she thought the sky just got dark at night because that was the way it worked.

Same girl also soaked her contact lenses in Dettol and was off for a semester with corneal burns.

PedantMarina · 05/10/2013 00:50

OK got another:

Friends were discussing the making of Knight's Tale, how some of the lances in the film production were made from spaghetti. Conversation flows and move on until, about two topics later, one of the friends said "Oh! you mean uncooked spaghetti!"

Yes, dear readers, that person was me.

TeamSouthfields · 05/10/2013 00:59

How much is it in Poundland... True story Smile Smile

TeamSouthfields · 05/10/2013 01:04

family were talking about old sayings, someone said 'a black mans pinch'

Sil said, oh iv never had one of those, I don't have much to do with black people Shock Shock

god knows what she thought one was

TotallyBursar · 05/10/2013 01:07

DH had somehow become convinced that the Yorkshire Ripper was in fact 'Jack The' after he moved out of London. He called bs on a documentary we were watching because 'He's been in prison for years, it was all over the news' 'What? Who has?' 'The Ripper. He's in prison' '...Jack the Ripper is in prison?' 'Yeah, got caught on a traffic stop.' 'Do you mean the Yorkshire Ripper?' 'Yes, the Ripper' 'Nothing about this Northern dress strikes you as a bit...old fashioned? Yorkshire looking maybe a bit Londony? Whitechapel?' 'Don't be silly it was after he moved obviously and it was the 70's everyone wore hats'

DaleyBump · 05/10/2013 03:17

My sister (aged 16) was out shopping me and my mum when we spotted a book about oragami. There were a few versions of the book, things like "safari oragami", "Christmas oragami" and "underwater oragami". My sister was incredibly perplexed at the underwater oragami book but after an initial "that's a bit weird" comment she let it drop. About two hours later, she just couldn't hold it in any longer and said "see that underwater oragami book? How would that even work? All the paper would fall apart!" She'd been having visions of trying to do oragami in the bath and just couldn't work it out Grin

Queazy · 05/10/2013 06:18

This is a hilarious thread Smile A friend was trying to resolve an issue at work where they had run out of paper. She suggested they photocopy a piece to make loads more!!!! Not sure if she honestly thought there was a little paper making machine in the photocopier...

FruOla · 05/10/2013 07:59

That is absolutely brilliant, Queazy Grin Grin

Riddo · 05/10/2013 09:03

I thought Rio Ferdinand was a football team. Blush

NotCitrus · 05/10/2013 09:12

My mum would never let me play my music on her CD player even when she was out. Because computer-things get viruses from CDs and you never know what those heavy metal bands will have.

Yes, she really was worried about getting STDs from Motley Crue, Led Zeppelin etc via their music...

Though it only dawned on me yesterday from this thread that my childhood neighbour didn't actually know Paddington Bear when she grew up. She did come from Peru, somewhere darker than Lima...

Dillytante · 05/10/2013 09:49

Feeling very poorly with a chest infection & this thread has really cheered me up :)

Chants73 · 05/10/2013 09:49

My mum, talking about school lunches and nut allergies said that children could go into prophylactic shock.....

Blueandwhitelover · 05/10/2013 10:12

Well, I'm only on page 7 and so far have learned that maggots are baby flies (didn't know that) and that the Channel Tunnel isn't on the bed of the Channel (!!! Does that mean it is floating?? I'm going to have to google or is that one a wind up??)

KenAdams · 05/10/2013 10:17

I thought it was just me who had got on the Kings Lynn train instead of the Kings X one. Glad to know I'm not alone!