Ridiculous, embarrassing accidents/injuries..

[FlouncyMcFlouncer]

I have just trapped a nipple between two plastic laundry baskets and almost severed it. Unbelievably painful, unbelievably embarrassing to tell anyone about in RL!!

Make me feel better by telling me your humiliating mishaps? Happy to bask in the warmth of other's distress

Oooh have another couple.

This one was a friend while we were at school.
She had the biggest crush on a guy a xouple of years above, so seeing her chance to impress him she decided to start doing a stupid dance on one of the picnic tables in the playground. It was summer so she was weaeing a skirt. She staryed twirling around the umbrella pole and caught her skirt and knickers on the bit of metal where you wound the cord up. Got herswlf hooked on there. By this point we were all laughing so much that we could not possibly help her. She ended up teying to lift herself upwards to unhook her knickers butslipped and gave herself the biggesy cut all the way down jer bum cheek.
She had to be taken to the school nurse, skirt ripped etcpast the boy. She ended up with 12 stitches. She was 13. School was prpretty tough for her for the nezt few months bless her.

Ive just writtwn this on another thread but hey ho.
Went to a party in a quarry. ...v v deunk and went into the bushes on my own to have a wee. Pitch black, fell into a bloody huge hole and no-one found me for 2 hours :( came out witj scrayches all over my face and a broken rib. Worst bit was in my deunken state I was convinced there werw monsters in the hole coming to eat me.........
...... I dont drink much any more!

how do you nominate a thread for classics?

Oinkling I will forever remember the Octopus story , I was literally crying with laughter

As a teenager I had a job in a fast food restaurant running food out the drive-through. Customer had ordered a milkshake, so I poured it out, but as I hurried over to the window I slipped on the floor, sending the cup through the air, and a whole pint of chocolate shake burst onto his car window!!!

Also, at the same job...we were all mucking about in the staff room, & for some reason I took it upon myself to show everyone how to do a Russian Cossack dance...I squatted, folded my arms & started kicking my legs out...my shoe shot off, hit a girl in the face, & I slipped back & broke my arse.

utterly People seem to find it so amusing that I'm thinking of writing a play based on the experience. It'll be audience participation and will consist of me in an octopus costume just rolling down a ramp at everyone who attends!

Oinkling

Had a moustache burn from eating pizza.
Fell yesterday, down some stone steps and have a black leg and a black eye.

Oinkling that play would go down a storm on the Edinburgh Fringe. You should do it.

It was the weekend before I started university and was having a few drinks in the pub wit friends, we got a carry out and decided to adjourn drunkenly to another friends house. I swayed down the road with my bottle of wine clutched to me and at that point I decided now was the time to try and jump and click my heels together in a dick van dyke fashiony stylee. My feet got tangled up together and I fell theatrically to the ground, not wanting to sacrifice my wine I made the executive decision to allow my face to break the fall. I woke up the next morning with a black eye, grazed cheek and a bag of smiley faces in bed with me that I'd obviously used in a vain attempt to ice the swelling. Only one person at uni asked me how I got my black eye. They all just thought I was a mad bastard who got into fights...

Balloon Weirdly, that's where I was a couple of weeks ago. If only I'd have thought of it, I could be rich now.

I'm imagining the phone call to my mum, though. Mum, you remember that octopus costume you made me when I was a kid? Well, I need one that's six feet tall...

V important 2 day client conference meeting thing at work, had a few many mingling drinks in the evening not having had the chance to eat properly. Got cab home, all ok.

Flatmate heard me stumble in, then go back out after a couple of minutes leaving lights on etc. Flatmate got up after a while to see what was going on and found I'd got out for a stupid fag, tripped over my own feet been unable to break my fall due to my drunken state and had headbutted the pavement resulting in a broken nose, black eye, cuts and bruises. In my drunken (and maybe very embarrassed) state I refused to go to hospital and just went to bed/passed out.

Morning came too soon and obviously could not attend day 2 of the conference in that state - luckily boss was very understanding! Hardly left the house for 2 weeks while everything healed!

Note to self: Smoking can seriously damage your health! My nose has the scar to prove it!

An exploding jacket spud sprayed my face in molten potato and took all the skin off the bridge of my nose. My friends called me Mrs Potato Head for weeks.

Oh my, this thread has made me laugh for days now

Woohoo, classics!

I can add another one. Walking home last night, I tripped over nothing, absolutely nothing, and kind of skidded along the pavement on my knees and face. Now have a giant bruise on my left knee, all of the knuckles on my right hand are bruised, and very luckily I managed not to damage my face. God I hope that they all clear up before my sister's wedding next week!! Being a huge clutz is a terrible affliction!

I've just been making the cats a bed under my desk, and got up from sorting it all out. I avoided the desk as I'd planned, but forgot there's a heavy wood cd rack right where my head was meant to go.

With sharp corners too!

Bloody cats...

Oinkling I think you should post a re-enactment on you tube. Charge people to subscribe and you will make a mint

Oinkling read your story out to my DH and kids yesterday, they now want it as there bedtime story tonight. Have a feeling I may need to make an octopus outfit for Halloween, might need some advice from your mum, although will remember armholes.

You know, I think there might actually be a photo of me wearing the octopus thing. I looked a bit like one of those ghosts from PacMan. Will have to see if I can dig it out although the chances are not good. My parents have a whole room full of photos.

Oh, and I'd be officially very, very flattered if my octopus escapade becomes a bedtime story.

Well oinking be flattered, read it earlier tonight for my boys who are now tucked up in bed after lots of giggles.

Aww, thank you. I really do love having a story that offends nobody and kids and adults find equally funny.

Some great stories on here, especially the oinking octopus

Anyway, I'm still accident prone into adulthood and have numerous scars and injuries. I'm actually now blind in my right eye and deaf in my right ear, which cause lots of confusion on a daily basis.

Another recent one was getting out of bed in the middle of the night to go to the loo whilst slightly oh okay, moderately inebriated. I stepped on a boot with a metal eyelet and managed to slice open the sole of my foot. I yelped but didn't realise how bad it was in the dark and carried on anyway.

I was woken in the morning by my ex screaming, there were bloody foot prints perfectly formed all the way to the toilet and back to the bed as if made by a one footed person. And the bed sheets looked like the scene from the Godfather involving the horse. Straight to A&E.

Random... that story has just reminded me of another.

A group of us who worked in the same nightclub were out drinking before work . One of the lads got paraletically drunk and seeing as he wasn't due at work that night we thought it best to send him home before we all went upstairs to start our shift so the boys walked him home and put him to bed, then came back to the pub. 20 minutes later we got a call to say he was in an ambulance on his way to hospital having fallen out a window, turned out he'd broken his back in 2 places .

When we finally got to see him a few days later and asked him how on earth he'd gone from unconscious in bed to unconscious on the ground 3 stories below in 20 minutes he told us he'd woken up with no idea how he'd gotten to bed, so he'd done what any 22 year old in that situation does and lit up a fag. He wasn't supposed to smoke in his room (rented house-share) so he'd stumbled over to the window to smoke, leaned too far out and fell, practically landing on someone walking on the footpath below who thankfully rang an ambulance... if he'd not been seen falling I don't think anyone would have called an ambulance as he was plastered and would have been assumed to be a passed out drunk on the ground (we lived in a student city so that wasn't exactly a rare sight)

So yes.... smoking can be very bad for your health!

Roflmao.

But Twlbach, semi accidental threesome?! More info please!