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Original poster

Ridiculous, embarrassing accidents/injuries..

284 replies

FlouncyMcFlouncer · 28/08/2013 22:05

I have just trapped a nipple between two plastic laundry baskets and almost severed it. Unbelievably painful, unbelievably embarrassing to tell anyone about in RL!!

Make me feel better by telling me your humiliating mishaps? Happy to bask in the warmth of other's distress Grin

OP posts:
JesusInTheCabbageVan · 30/08/2013 19:18

oinkling Just laughed so hard I cried and farted Grin

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 30/08/2013 19:19

Re the octopus, that is...

educatingarti · 30/08/2013 19:29

I super-glued my teeth once! I was gluing something ( can't remember what) and had the lid of the superglue in my mouth between my teeth (needed both hands for the gluing bit!) I tried to put the lid on the tube by pushing the end of tube into the lid while it was still between my teeth. I missed the lid and squeezed superglue all over my teeth. It stuck to my teeth but did not stick them together (thankfully).
I phoned my dentist and he fell about laughing reassured me that it wouldn't damage my teeth but just wear off gradually over the next couple of days (which it did!) Now I wonder quite how he knew this would be the case!

oinkling · 30/08/2013 19:36

Jesus Hehe! I have inspired some strange reactions in people over the years, but that's a new combo. I am taking it as a compliment. Smile

acebaby · 30/08/2013 19:42

I got a bit over-competitive at wii sports table tennis and badly bruised my hand by whacking a wall Blush

Mirage · 30/08/2013 19:43

I have been bitten by a miniature horse.I can confirm that it did not have miniature teeth.Hmm
Have also been bitten by a lamb,that drew blood.

ethelb · 30/08/2013 19:51

Made some delicious belizian chilli sauce if I may say so myself. Made with a zillion scotch bonnets and habanero chillis. Which I chopped. By hand. Without gloves.

It was, my Dr friends who lived with me said, the first time they have heard of someone giving themselve second degree burns with capsasin.

I struggled to sleep for 3 nights I was in so much pain and the burns were all over my very sensitive finger pads.

unlucky83 · 30/08/2013 20:00

My friend worked as a chef (very posh, expensive restaurant) - one of the girls had been chopping chillies and gone to the loo (being naughty - to the customer loos cos nearer and the restaurant was closed). Took a while before they realised she was missing...and then a while to find her... naked from waist down, sat in a sink of cold water - almost hysterical- too sore to get out of the sink, but knew the restaurant was opening soon and a customer might find her!
Another friend - (stupidly) using a big chefs knife to cut the middle out of a cauliflower in her hand - knife slipped - had to go to A&E with a knife sticking through her palm - cauliflower still attached!
Another restaurant - female chef - really proud of her very heavily sprayed straightened and styled hair (was naturally afro) - kept 'forgetting' to wear a hat cos it spoiled her hair .. .she couldn't get a gas oven to light - stuck her head inside to look - as ignited with a mini explosion setting her hairspray alight - quick thinking colleague picked her up and threw her - head first into a sink of really dirty washing up water! (She was fine, just shocked, hair a bit singed ...and did start wearing her hat and using less hairspray!)

ParkerTheThief · 30/08/2013 20:02

I crushed my nipple while using a garlic press.

GinGuzzler · 30/08/2013 20:08

Elaborate Parker... You can't make a statement like that with an explanation! Hmm

Grin Unlucky83

ParvatiTheWitch · 30/08/2013 20:09

A student housemate turned over in bed and accidentally flopped his cock onto the hot radiator right next to the bed. He said it really burnt his bell end.

I also love the story from one of my friends who used to go to school with a famous rugby player. They were in the pool having a swimming lesson, when said friend kicked out in the breast stroke style, scratching the vicitm's penis with his jagged big toenail. Even now, I laugh a bit when I hear his name.

MakeGlutenFreeHay · 30/08/2013 20:12

I've had to stop reading half way through as I am crying with laughter and disturbing dd who is supposed to be going to sleep....

Mine is from 6th form, at a school very close to a uni's student bar. A few of us had nipped out for a couple one lunchtime, and come back slightly wobbly to an indoor PE lesson that involved all the traditional apparatus. I was concentrating so hard on balancing across the waist-high beam that the teacher's whistle made me jump and I slipped off - one foot either side. I hit the beam before hitting the floor..... As I rolled off I remember squeaking that I was ok, but my fanjo looked like a baboon's bum for days. I still shudder to remember!

Can I share one of someone else's? An acquaintance at uni was getting the nets down after a football game and rather than do the traditional thing of sitting on someone's shoulders to unhook the crossbar bits he climbed the side posts. And slipped. He was facing the hooks, which ripped his scrotum top to bottom.....even us girls felt his pain! He was wearing paper pants for weeks - and seemed rather proud of it all! Weirdo.

MakeGlutenFreeHay · 30/08/2013 20:23

Oh yes, and a cricket colleague of my grandfathers' got hit a bit hard on the box, which split and snapped back together trapping a bit of sack..... They are tough plastic, and it took a lot of alcohol and the combined might of the team to remove it....apparently. Truly ouch.

tb · 30/08/2013 20:24

Not me, but dh. He was playing 'horsey' with dd in the garden on the grass. He was on all fours, barefoot, and his feet were almost on tiptoes.

DD slid off his back, and landed on his feel forcing his toes to bend a lot more - the skin tore. He had great fun explaining to a+e that he'd been playing 'horsey'......for some genuinely weird reason they seemed sceptical.

It was how he did it - not some leaping off the top of the wardrobe type of injury.

dubstarr73 · 30/08/2013 20:26

Im in tears here from laughing...keep going.

mrsmindcontrol · 30/08/2013 20:31

I was recently putting the tent up & was at the stage where you clip the fabric onto the tent poles using those spring shut clamp type things. As I snapped one closed, I realised I had a wedge of bingo wing trapped inside. Ouch.

A few Xmas' ago, I was fairly pregnant and was sorting through tree decorations sat on living room floor. Rather than hauling my huge pregnant self up to retrieve decorations from around the room, I was scooting about on my bum. I managed to get a very pointy and VERY sharp decoration caught in my actual bum hole as I scooted across the floor. The motion caused a proper tear. That really fucking hurt.

AlpacaPicnic · 30/08/2013 20:45

Ooh, Parvati... Does the rugby players name rhyme with Bill Darling?

I really hope so! I want another reason to giggle at him :)

ParvatiTheWitch · 30/08/2013 20:50

No, sorry Alpaca.

AlpacaPicnic · 30/08/2013 20:55

Doh!

Any clues? Any teeny weeny clues?

:: bribes with cakes and wine::

MadeOfStarDust · 30/08/2013 20:56

in Y7 at school ran to keep up with friends going to PE in the tennis courts and managed to run into a cable keeping the net taught - right in my mouth - I had an ear to ear smile like the joker in batman for weeks.

2 years ago I managed to fall down the stairs onto my right buttock - it was badly bruised and the muscle shifted upwards so I had one pert purple buttock and one saggy insipid one - still lopsided now!!!

Junebugjr · 30/08/2013 20:58

Fell asleep while completely pissed with my bum up against a boiling hot radiator. Woke up the the smell of my behind literally cooking. I still feel the shame when I remember the resulting GP visit, and having to explain away the obvious stripey radiator marks all over my arse.

Broodzilla · 30/08/2013 21:13

We were stuck in traffic due to roadworks in the city centre. I got fed up, as we were late. Decided to let DH finish the journey an find parking, got out, shouted instructions at him and started running... Found myself flat on the floor.

I'd somehow missed a gigantic, bright orange warning cone, run straight into it and tripped over, cutting my knee open and slashing my trousers. DH couldn't stop laughing... To this day, I don't know how I didn't see the cone.

Also, once, slightly drunk, I was lighting a cigarette with a match. Just as I struck the match, I noticed the box said "sulphur free"... I of course chose that moment to wonder what they smell of (you know, as the "match smell" is sulphur...) and before I could finish the thought, I'd sniffed the match. Which was burning. Wooooosh, said my nosehair... Shock

BikeRunSki · 30/08/2013 21:45

When DS was 9 weeks old I accidentally drank a glass of Milton fluid. NHS Direct sent me to A&E. A&E quickly established that I hadn' t poisoned myself. It then took me 2 hrs to convince thrm I didn' t have PND. I am very pleased that this kind of red flag alert system was triggered, but they really were not accepting that I am just an absent minded Muppet.

mazzi2fly · 30/08/2013 21:51

When I was young, one evening I was bored so started a foot fight with my sister who was sitting in the armchair just opposite the sofa I was sitting on. What I failed to notice was, her bag of knitting next to it....

Yes, I impaled my foot with a knitting needle. I can still remember hobbling through to the bathroom to pull it out through my sock. It hurt for days. Oh, and the knitting needle was useless after that, buckled and bent.

CharityFunDay · 30/08/2013 22:00

I went base over apex on a zebra crossing outside the Arnedale Centre in Wandsworth, because I trod on a banana skin. An entire queue of traffic was watching as I sped across the road on one leg, hit the metal pedestrian barrier, bounced off and landed on my arse. I could hear the laughter as I limped away. Then I had to go to A&E because I could barely walk and had to be laughed at by medics when I told them what had happened.