What's the most pretentious thing you've ever heard someone say? (lighthearted)

[LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake]

I went round someone's house and they were a shoe less house (no problem) but she airily pointed to a basket of slippers (felted, pointy, bright red, embroidered Tibetanny type like they have in the Toast catalogue) and said 'help yourself to the artisanal slippers'. There were dozens of pairs.

FUCK OFF - why would I want to sit around and look like an elf at your house?

these, but even pointier

I once referred to a dessert I had in a Michelin star restaurant as a 'deconstructed twix' to my b & sil. I think I had been watching too much masterchef, what a twat.

Tess

There is a difference between showing interest in things,eating good food etc and being a first class berk who says things that are either stealth boasting or belittling.

Have you spotted something you've said on here?

My DSis was having a coffee in a posh hotel in Prestbury when she overheard 2 elderly ladies having a conversation about "appalling drivers". She expected to hear them talk about those feckless types who don't use their indicators and tailgating.No, the "appalling drivers" they were chatting about were their own chauffeurs!

At an event run by a homeless charity in Ireland, I started chatting to a guy who was living on the streets in an Irish city.

Me [chattily]: Oh, you're English. I was born there myself. In Luton.

Him [kindly]: Best not tell people that.

So there you have it. Luton is officially so declasse that homeless people spurn it.

Ha i've just thought of another one, which must have sounded highly "up my own arse" at the time.

I was buying something in a store in London, and my UK debit card wouldn't go through, probably because I didn't have enough money on it, and I don't use it very often so it gets blocked.

Half embarrassed about the card decline I said to the snotty shop assistant, "don't worry, I'll use the one from my Swiss account..."

Then I realised what it sounded like.

At a dinner party with some really boring people who went on about skiing....and I am the world's biggest ski bore...

Him: We have just come back from Lake Tahoe
Me: Was it good?
Him: Oh it is the only place to ski.
Me: Really? I must go one day, but to be honest Europe's got a lot to offer.
Him: Oh no, America is soooooo much better.
Me: Have you done much in Europe then?

to cut a long story short, he'd spent a week skiing which happened to be in Lake Tahoe. I had done a season, skiied for the Navy and knew my European skiing. What a twat.

Thought of another one...

I was trying (in vain) to get on the right side of my boss and invited him and his annoying children round for coffee / playdate once.

They pitched up and were pretty dreadful - didn't get on with our boys (who get on with anyone) didn't like lego etc.

Following exchange between his 8yo and my 7yo DS

His DD "I have got an IPAD2"
DS1 (greeen) "Oh. Is it Wifi or 3G"
Her (confused) "Err 3D"
DS1 (distainful) "I don't suppose you know what I am talking about."

Half of me was appalled at his attitude, other half very proud. On reflection, he is probably a better judge of character than I am. Boss turned out to be a lazy useless individual....and I no longer work for him.

Nicknametaken
4yo DS at the ballet rushing back to his seat after the interval. Clapping in a 'call to attention' manner and shouting 'vite vite! Maman'.
We weren't in France and we're not French.

On the birth of our DC3 someone DH knows via work said it was great people like us were having children

I was having lunch with a group of nanny friends with our charges.

Nanny friend 1: I've made sausage, mash and veggies for the kids.
Nanny friend 2: sorry I've had to bring lunch for minty her mum doesn't allow her to eat any meat that isn't wild game... Dont worry have some rabbit stew for her.
Little Minty was about 10 months old.

My sister's friend is widely considered to have married beneath her

At one of her husband's family get togethers, her little 3-year old ran up to her and said "Mummy, may I have an olive?" Apparently there was an incredulous silence.

tess i think you have missed the whole point of the thread it seems lost on you ,

her mum doesn't allow her to eat any meat that isn't wild game... Dont worry have some rabbit stew for her.

I watched a programme a posh chef was telling us what to do with left over venison

One thing I always find a bit pretentious is the use of the phrase 'mummy friends'

Someone on another forum was once saying how they had lots of 'mummy friends' but that they were just for daytime and she wouldn't dream of socialising with them in the evening.

People who use the word "Eclectic" tend to get on my nerves too.

Urgh yes ClippedPhoenix. I also don't like the word 'sourced'.

I hate the words sourced and locally and I don't like when people are talking about food and say foods It really grates on me

and yes to mummy friends my mummy friends this I love my mummy friends please mummies they are just friends

No I don't think I missed the point of the thread MrsJay. Artisanal slippers are Hilariously pretentious and I laughed at the OP. I just found much of the thread following the OP quite snippy reverse snobbery. Explaining nicely why you're not buying cartoon branded spaghetti hoops is not comically pretentious is it?

Anyway. Shall stop pissing on your parade. As you were.

I drifted away from a school friend after these 2 phrases left her mouth:

'oh, houses are dirt cheap here, me and (her hubby) could buy three!' (she lives in a crap part of London. I live in the sticks and boy did she like to remind me at every opportunity)

'x is working the house, restoring the wooden sash windows. He's strong as an ox and does the work of 10 men every day. Getting a master craftsman in is so important. Much better than all that cheapo UPVC rubbish people put in in their Barrat boxes' (yes, we were having new double-glazing installed in our dirt-cheap Barrat box

Ds1 when he was about 3 years old:

Me: Let's get some cheese (at the cheese counter in a supermarket)
DS1: Mummy, what is cheese?
Me: (Pointing at counter) This is cheese!
DS1: Which one?
Me: All of them.
Ds1: No, mummy. That is parmesan, that is ossau iraty, that is Brillat Savarin....which one is cheese?
Me:

That really made me

My darling ds really made in in Morrisons tonight - 8 packs of croissants on offer - asked ds to put some in the trolley so off he went and came back with their finest in store bakery ones. I said no and pointed him in the direction of the ones I wanted.

In the most horrified voice he states " But they aren't proper ones mummy!"

At a friends house for dinner recently...raaather posh (up own arse) couple started retelling THE lengthiest story about not paying their restaurant bill in some haute cuisine french place...and how they couldnt get their huge merc out of the drive quickly enough etc etc... And a few minutes later the wife started talking about 'that recession thingy' !!