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What's the most pretentious thing you've ever heard someone say? (lighthearted)

549 replies

LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake · 21/11/2012 18:07

I went round someone's house and they were a shoe less house (no problem) but she airily pointed to a basket of slippers (felted, pointy, bright red, embroidered Tibetanny type like they have in the Toast catalogue) and said 'help yourself to the artisanal slippers'. There were dozens of pairs.

FUCK OFF - why would I want to sit around and look like an elf at your house? Hmm

these, but even pointier

OP posts:
FobblyWoof · 23/11/2012 09:15

Artisanal slippers, legot and Serenity have had me in tears

FivesAndNorks · 23/11/2012 09:45

Shock merlotor should that be merlo? :o

Taghain · 23/11/2012 09:59

From a very nice lady who is into designer clothes & has a personalised number plate on her Merc.
"Mummy lives near Caerleon in Wales"

which turned out to be an ordinary area of rough industrial Newport, but hey -

SpinningBirdKick · 23/11/2012 10:20

Someone I was with in McDonalds (of all places) was buying Chicken McNuggets for her DS.
As she was not sure of the pack sizes which were available- she said (very loudly)....

"What denomination do they come in?"

....Bear in mind this was a very rough area.....
I was cringing behind the serviette dispenser by that point... (and her DS looked mortified)

ProfYaffle · 23/11/2012 10:22

A small village near me holds a 'Artisan Fair' every month. I went once thinking it would be something a bit more special than a bog standard craft fair.

Nope.

Just a craft fair.

NoPinkPlease · 23/11/2012 10:29

My friend, who has a ds the same age as mine (my ds has speech delay and so you might think some sensitivity may be knocking around) said: I used to tell my NCT friends all about what 'Dominic' was doing and saying but when I soon realised he was so much further ahead than their children, I can't do it now.

Her ds was 9 months at the time Grin, although she still does it now...

Not sure this is pretentious or stupid and insensitive actually...

Mrsjay · 23/11/2012 10:30

I once asked on here what Artisan bread was as i saw Artisan bread for sale AT A SERVICE STATION Grin

Lilymaid · 23/11/2012 10:37

We have an artisan baker in our village - but he doesn't describe himself as such - just advertises the fact that he makes "real bread". Unfortunately it is addictively good!
Heard in Waitrose (posh mother to daughter): "white chocolate fingers are so bad on so many levels" As they were on BOGOF I grabbed two packets from the shelf.

wavesandsmiles · 23/11/2012 10:38

DM still insists on telling everyone and anyone about the time when I, aged 5, was invited to a friend's house for tea. Friend's mum asked me what I wanted to eat, expecting a "fish fingers and chips" kind of response. I replied with:

"blueberry cheesecake and Earl Grey tea please"

Blush

NO idea where that came from - we weren't a blueberry cheesecake or earl grey tea family in the slightest!

Lilymaid · 23/11/2012 10:39

Just in case you think that pretentious use of "artisan" is new, my mother used to chuckle in the late 1960s when the dilapidated terraced houses in our up market village were renovated and sold as "artisan cottages".

Mrsjay · 23/11/2012 10:40

when the dilapidated terraced houses in our up market village were renovated and sold as "artisan cottages".

that is just fab Grin

quirrelquarrel · 23/11/2012 10:47

"I got the entire works of Nietszche on my iPad for nothing. Just essential."

then

"Yeah, I think I've read a couple of his books."

so on and onnn.

19 year olds in uni bar.

quirrelquarrel · 23/11/2012 10:49

And christ my best friend comes out with some crackers, but he has a sense of humour and can be persuaded not to take himself so seriously so I forgive him Smile

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson · 23/11/2012 10:53

I had a friend at college who simply loved herself and assumed that the whole world loved her too! She had a pair of brown leather knee high boots that were, admittedly, fairly expensive compared to the boots the rest of us had on our student budgets, but boy did we hear about them, how much they cost, where they were from etc etc.

Anyway, one day another girl on our course came in in a pair of boots similar to the ones that the I-Love-Myself girl had, and I-Love-Myself girl sauntered over to her and said 'Your new boots are lovely, oh you've got such good taste, they're just like mine. Well obviously not as expensive as mine, but cheap doesn't have to mean nasty'

She also said to another girl on our course 'I don't think you're very pretty, but I do think you've got a nice personality though so don't worry, it makes up for your looks'

Strangely everyone took these nasty comments from her as she had this weird knack of delivering them in a sweet, sugary, syrupy way, so that it would leave the recipient a bit confused as to whether the comment was nice or awful, until they'd thought about it.

quirrelquarrel · 23/11/2012 10:54

"white chocolate fingers are so bad on so many levels"

Haha! I can only think of about two of these levels before descending into the immature.....

quirrelquarrel · 23/11/2012 11:01

^^ Ahh I have a friend who does this all the time- deliver nasty comments under the guise of being all innocent and words slipping out before she can stop them......she can't quite carry the effect off, I know her far too well, but other people just take it.

She doesn't to me, because I know her game and I've told her clearly....we know too many of each other's tricks.

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson · 23/11/2012 11:03

Ah yes quirrelquarrel they get away with it by pretending to be all sweet and innocent and 'whoops me and my big mouth' don't they? The college friend of mine used to say very brutally honest, ie bloody rude comments to people. Very personal things such as commenting on a spot or saying she didn't like their new hair colour, and then would say 'oh sorry that sounded terribly rude didn't it?' in a light airy tone with a smirk on her face.

Alisvolatpropiis · 23/11/2012 11:05

MrsMangel I knew a girl like that. But she was blonde and angelic looking,so she got away with it.

quirrelquarrel · 23/11/2012 11:30

I'm afraid I also went through a phase like that Blush
I never said nasty things. But things like "I think you could be a model" and then carried on to explain precisely why, which SOUNDS nice, very nice, but is pretty embarrassing for the person involved, and which you just wouldn't say normally- and I knew that it wasn't done, but took advantage of my ditsy, weirdy "ah QQ's a bit different but that's okay" reputation. Also just stuff I was genuinely curious about, but which I knew I shouldn't say in company. If I'm being really honest, this new way people were seeing me was much better than any other I'd had (which was just "bad type weird, steer clear"), so I was trying to keep it up. I recognise that totally in my friend too- she wanted to be seen as someone who just doesn't think, who's completely spontaneous, which is something I think everyone would like to be seen as....
It's a very easy trap to fall into. Quite manipulative in a way too. You grow out of it.....

Jingleflobba · 23/11/2012 11:44

We have a playroom but only because it's a parlour house (2 downstairs rooms) and we only have enough sofas for one roomGrin
It triples up as a dining room snd drying room at odd times of the week...
We've only just moved in from a tiny terraced house and DH keeps calling the teeny porch at the back door the Conservatory....

Mirage · 23/11/2012 11:48

It's funny,horse nutrition,hunting,eating game is run of the mill around here.I could cope easily with that.It is when folks start going on about skiing,designer clothes,jewellery,cars,perfume,make up ect that I go blank.I know nothing of those things.

When DD1 was about 4,she was taken to a party by a friend.I'd dutifully ticked the boxes of what she'd like to eat and thought nothing of it.When my friend dropped her off,she looked a bit embarrassed and said to me 'We gave DD1 her food and she didn't know what a chicken nugget was'.Blush.It hadn't occured to me that she'd never eaten one before.She has made up for it now though.Grin

GailTheGoldfish · 23/11/2012 12:20

Another vote for legowith a silent 't' Grin

frantic51 · 23/11/2012 12:28

Jingleflobba That's exactly what we had at the time of my meeting with posh mummy, mainly because we only had 1DC and she was only 8 months old so not really needing a, "playroom" as such. Thing was, she only had one DC aged 10 months at the time too! But she still had a huge dedicated playroom, even though her DD was too young to be left in it to play alone, as I discovered when I was favoured with an invitation to tea! Grin

ClippedPhoenix · 23/11/2012 12:34

Round a friends once who's husband had been caught out cheating "again". He's got his own solicitors offices and they're minted. I said isn't it time you carried through with the divorce this time, she said the maintenance won't nearly be enough as I like to feed my boys prime steak a couple of times a week.

TessTing123 · 23/11/2012 13:32

This is a real Know Your Place thread.

Don't speak foreign.
Don't encourage your children to eat good food.
And Definitely don't ever show interest or knowledge of anything.

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