What's the most pretentious thing you've ever heard someone say? (lighthearted)

[LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake]

I went round someone's house and they were a shoe less house (no problem) but she airily pointed to a basket of slippers (felted, pointy, bright red, embroidered Tibetanny type like they have in the Toast catalogue) and said 'help yourself to the artisanal slippers'. There were dozens of pairs.

FUCK OFF - why would I want to sit around and look like an elf at your house?

these, but even pointier

Wow eating wild game at 11 months.

Hope it was professionally cleaned of shot, or they checked that it wasn't killed by lead shot.

Or perhaps that's why eccentricity runs in the family - lead poisoning?

probably the lead, they were very much fox hunter types so I could see them traipsing around the countryside each weekend hunting for their PFBs weekly dinners. Or driving up country lanes looking for road kill....

I bet they "blooded" the first born with the kill too....

From the same year 9 girl in a meeting about a school trip:

"How on earth am I going to function without my morning Macchiato?"

"Shoes for walking? Can I bring my Dubarries?"

I hope none of you lot were in our local country store this afternoon (half of Dorset seemed to be!)
DH and I were looking at clothes much to DS's disgust and I stumbled across a pair of store brand jeans. They looked OK, were the correct measurements and crucially were only £10 so off I trotted to the changing rooms.
At this point I should point out that my slightly odd shape coupled with my intense dislike of shopping means I only buy Levis jeans as I know they will fit and last, therefore making them worth the money.
I tried the jeans on, found them not suited to my odd shape and left the changing room. DH raised his eyebrows to indicate interest in if they had fitted, to which I in an unfeasibly loud voice said "Oh no, they were no good. And do you realise, that is the first pair of cheap jeans I have ever worn?" (this is not strictly true which makes it even worse as my pretentiousness WAS A LIE :o)
In the name of all that is holy, why would I say something like that? I may never show my face in there again :o

We all eat wild game from the time we eat solids...but again, 'cause we're rednecks and shoot our own food. :o

But at least I'll have something to be pretentious about if I ever need to. "Ah yes, Daddy shoots pheasants on our estate..."

Wait...how much land constitutes an estate? Maybe my parents have actually got one!

I like pointy slippers! But "artisanal slippers" was a step too far, yes.

A few years ago, there was a topic of "What do you do when you're not quilting" on the quilting newsgroup I read. Most just put "gardening", "cycling", whatever, but my favourite was the woman who posted "I have to admit, astrophysics is just a hobby for me, now that I have children..."

Sometimes I try to drop that into conversations. It's too good not to use.

cheerful it was much more off " we need to go to daddies estate to catch some dinner..." rather than taking responsibilty for catching your own food. TBF I think they were very well meaning in an eccentric way.

Email from oldest DS's rugby club coordinator: "no practice today because the pitches are waterlogged and it's pouring with rain."

Response (copied to everyone) from S.O. Meone: "My son's still up for practice session."

My sister is always adding in the brand name too. And she once said, "I aways get VIP treatment these days: I wonder what it's like for people who have to queue for things"

Bless her. I love her anyway.

I'm amused at people seeing eating game as posh.

I'm rural working class (probably) if you have gamekeeper / estate worker mates then free game that the wannbe posh folk shot, but cant dress / darent eat is a good winter staple round here.

I can get free meat from November through till April in a good year

Well obviously they're not talking about game like that are they?

"Most of my stuff is deadpan" - My husband the accountant discussing his comedic genius.

I know Thix. When I went to visit my uncle in Manhattan a friend of his was talking loudly so others could hear about a dinner party with "wild duck and pheasant" etc, etc...which is what we eat all the time. Either shot or hit with the truck. :o

It's just interesting, the cultural differences. :)

I don't really understand that Occult. The horse nutritionist was just telling you her job!

Love the little boy saying he was impressed with the baby., Reminds me of when we saw a very little boy- 5-6 perhaps holding on tightly to the lead of a little dog. I said to him 'what a lovely dog you have!' and he replied in a very serious and intense tone 'Yes. We are delighted with him'.

It was really sweet!

"Most of my stuff is deadpan" - My husband the accountant discussing his comedic genius.
Skang there's a novel in that post, or a sitcom. Or a really sad short story.

Exactly cheerful

Natures free larder rather than an expensive upper class hobby.

In a particularly skint year it was the oly meat we ate.

We have land...well you can walk all round our house, as long as it's single file. That counts, surely?

Mine ate game from being babies too.You can make a good spaghetti bolognaise from woodpigeon.Quite often we have a 'guess what meat this is' dinner.

Cheerful our local hunt regards 200 acres and under are farmers,over 200 are landowners.

Brilliant thread nothing to add

I agree with the posts about eating game. We eat pheasant, grouse and quail regularly in season because it's really plentiful and cheap where we live (lots of farmers/shoots), and more interesting than chicken. I can never understand why so many people think it's pretentious/"posh" to eat it.

Because lots of people live in towns and cities where farmers and shoots aren't quite so plentiful, perchance?

I myself eat nothing but roast polar bear and steamed Greenland halibut. Doesn't everyone? Why, tis common down our way.

Ah, if it ain't local, it's posh. By that token, Maccy D's ought to be considered exotic out in the sticks

That's right. But not as much as Burger King.