Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

My vagine is itching like mad.

651 replies

BupcakesandCunting · 16/01/2012 13:01

Namechanged for obvious reasons. :(

My minge is itching like buggery. No discharge/whiffiness, just a very itchy vulva (as per namechange Wink) Have done a Caneten pessary on saturday and been applying the cream but nothing is working.

Suggestions please? And don't say "wash yer minge" Wink

OP posts:
ViviPru · 16/01/2012 16:31

UCM?

BupcakesandCunting · 16/01/2012 16:34

You'll have to explain then, FruitShoot. My itching vagine is obviously sending me doo-lally.

Didn't that happen to Marie Antoinette? the dirty pouffe-haired slag.

OP posts:
VikingBlood · 16/01/2012 16:36

I'd love some brioche please!

NooneLikesAGreyjoy · 16/01/2012 16:40

I was in a really, really bad mood and this thread has cheered me right up.

cuntworms.

Maryz · 16/01/2012 16:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fruitshootsandheavesupafurball · 16/01/2012 16:44

If DH takes his inhaler and then gives me a kiss it seems it can and did cause thrush.
I am starting to itch just thinking about it.

Vagine sounds like it should be on a Baby name topic. Like a modern form of Virginia. Pronounced Var Jinn ee

loopylou6 · 16/01/2012 16:53

Grin at 'bathed me flaps'

SantieMaggie · 16/01/2012 16:55

only if he's kissing you on the vagine fruitshoot ;-)

thank you so much for cheering up my day ladies!

sleepymammary · 16/01/2012 16:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

CalamityKate · 16/01/2012 17:17

I absolutely LOVE Vagine!

I too am hearing/saying it as a rather exotic "Vah-zheen".

My parts are being called nothing else from now on.

Anyway, I agree with others that the Femfresh wash is nice and mild, and smells lovely. However a couple of friends have had thrush/otherwise bothersome Vagines in the past, and have been advised NOT to use Femfresh by their GPs. Apparently it isn't necessarily as mild as it's meant to be.

So, you know, that was a helpful post from me.

fruitshootsandheavesupafurball · 16/01/2012 17:27

I might namechange to VagineVajazzle

NooneLikesAGreyjoy · 16/01/2012 17:44

I have to say, I love the fact that you were more embarrassed by mispelling vagina that your nc fail!

DharmaCeutical · 16/01/2012 17:53

um.. with the yogurt, do you have to eat it or slather it directly onto your gorilla sandwich?

I have honestly never had the courage to ask anyone as I feel like it's something I should know Blush

JazzAnnNonMouse · 16/01/2012 17:54

Ingrown hairs?
Cunt worms?
Tea tree flaps?
Is there no end to the madness of the vagine?!

AWimbaWay · 16/01/2012 17:59

Slather it on Dharma, or dip a tampon in some and put it up for a few minutes.

oldmerryolesoul · 16/01/2012 18:16

If you have been feeling knackered as well I would go an get your blood sugar checked

Sparklingbrook · 16/01/2012 18:20

Just read the whole thread, MN has turned into the Inbetweeners. Grin

Sorry to hear about your vagine Bupcakes. Sad

chocolateyclur · 16/01/2012 18:24

Cuntworms. Ace. Could have done without that knowledge.

Also, Bunty's "I do hate paying premium to wash m'muff, though ..." i read as "perineum". Which was an interesting visual.

GleamingHeels · 16/01/2012 18:37

Vagine - classics - now!

garlicvagine · 16/01/2012 18:49

When they begin the vagine,
It brings back the sound of fliss-flaps so tender,
It brings back the night of fanjorial splendour,
It brings back a discharge evergreen!

I scratch it once more under the stars,
And down by the minge an orchestra's playin'
Even the cuntworms seem to be swayin'
When they begin the vagine!

To wash it again is past all endeavour,
Except when that itch clutches my quim,
And there we are swearin' to cream forever,
And promising never, to scrub it with vim!

What moments down there, what raptures serene,
'Till germs came along to disperse
the joys we had tasted . . .
Now, when I hear people curse
the namechange that was wasted,
I know but too well what they mean!
So, don't let them begin the vagine,
Let the itch that was once a fire remain an ember . . .
Let it sleep like the dead Bupcakes I only remember,
When they begin the vagine!

Oh yes, let them begin the vagine, make them play!
'Till the flange that was there before returns below you,
'Till you whisper to me once more, "Bupcunt, I know you!"
And we suddenly know, what heaven we're in,
When they begin the vagine!
When they begin . . . the vagine!

kokomo.ca/pop_standards/begin_the_beguine_lyrics.htm

JustHecate · 16/01/2012 18:54

STOP using the bloody shower gel, oh incompetent namechanger Grin

Get a flannel and give it a (gentle) scrub. Shower gel will not be helping the old gal! You'll be mucking up your ph balance. or summat. It's not good, anyway. Cease and desist.

Do you shave/wax? could you have roughed the poor bugger up too much?

Go fling it out at the GP. Let them have a rummage.

FabbyChic · 16/01/2012 18:57

You could be allergic to the shower jel, you don't always get discharge with thrush. I've had this when I got too much soap in it, just keep rinsing.

I'd never just use water, it wouldn't be clean would it?

Sparklingbrook · 16/01/2012 19:03

Definitely no shower gel with tea tree in at all-horrible sensation.

MrsSnaplegs · 16/01/2012 19:10

I so need to give up going to work I miss all the funWink
Bupcakes I hope your vagine is soothed by the tea treeWink

Sparklingbrook · 16/01/2012 19:12

Noooooo tea tree. Sad

Swipe left for the next trending thread