My vagine is itching like mad.

[BupcakesandCunting]

Namechanged for obvious reasons. :(

My minge is itching like buggery. No discharge/whiffiness, just a very itchy vulva (as per namechange ) Have done a Caneten pessary on saturday and been applying the cream but nothing is working.

Suggestions please? And don't say "wash yer minge"

*sheer genius

Bups hasn't posted for a while
She's obviously scratched so hard she's turned herself inside out soaking in a bath of Canesten, tea tree, Johnsons and Simple soap

I hope you've taken a fork with you for your bath Bups, to kill all those cunt worms, they can swim you know.

This is a momentous day. The day MNers finally agreed on a name for their, well, their vagines.

You read it here first. When the OED compiles their 2013 version, they'll have to site Bupcakes and MN as the first written source.

Bupcakes we thank you

I hope you've taken a fork with you for your bath Bups, to kill all those cunt worms, they can swim you know.

snorted so hard I snot-rocketed the screen!

scout crossed posts

Oh God. The thought of Buppers sitting in a bath, furiously stabbing at cuntworms will never leave me.

I've tried to avoid this thread, but I've sniggered every time I've read "Vagine".

Just brilliant!

This is truly the best thread I have ever read. Never have i seen such a perfect variety of funniness. Thank you bupcakes, and I hope you feel better soon.

Oh bloody hell, I've been saying vagine for years, why didn't I use it on here for comic glory?! Damn your hilarious wormy nethers, Bupcakes.

Bupper's DH calls through from the bathroom:

"At least clean the sodding bath out after yourself, you slovenly baggage!"

Bloody hell, that's a cuntworm and a half.

no moire!

The level creative genius that is required to come up with a fork as the weapon of choice for waterborne cuntworm dispatch is just astounding

Better than one of those <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=pooter+insect+collecting&hl=en&sa=X&biw=1280&bih=685&tbm=isch&prmd=imvns&tbnid=ojKzTFfUNNtzcM:&imgrefurl=www.sciencephoto.com/media/79061/enlarge&docid=R8vnx9qDAs55QM&imgurl=www.sciencephoto.com/image/79061/large/C0014659-Collecting_insects-SPL.jpg&w=530&h=355&ei=16sUT6KmD8eN8gPHvejuAw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=965&vpy=188&dur=266&hovh=184&hovw=274&tx=198&ty=123&sig=117764065921598841677&page=1&tbnh=146&tbnw=182&start=0&ndsp=17&ved=1t:429,r:16,s:0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">pooter jobbies they had us using at school, to collect bugs.

Mumsnet again sits at the cutting edge of fashion

Yay ladies! Now we can all live there!

Things go from bad to worse in the Cunting household

Talc you sod I just laughed so much at that photo! My cheeks are killing me now. Thank you Buppy for a wonderfully random and hilarious fred.

Ok now I've got Bups legs akimbo in the tea tree bath, stabby fork in one hand, pooter in the other and a quadrat flung on the offending vagine for good measure. There's always time for accurate scientific observation.

OK I get what the last pic is, but WTAF are the tentacles?

Nope, no tentacles there.

Loving this thread, vagine is just perfect! Sorry op, hope all is calm down there now!

I'm marking my place just so's I can come back tomorrow and have another laugh!

Sorry Bupcakes. Fab thread. You have a vair' Gallic-sounding foof.

Cold water, you numpty. NEVER EVER perfumed shower gel or anything else. Simple Soap if you must. Might be thrush, which can be a bastard to shift sometimes. Live yoghurt (not on nethers, in gob) might help. Those very expensive live culture thingy capsules you can get in health food shops probably will help a lot more.

This might be the funniest thing I've read on MN ever. I am laughing hysterically (yet fondly). You've made my day.

We've all been there, Bupcakes. Take a Canesten pill. Worth the extra expense.

They're not cunt worms, they're arse worms without SAT nav!

I very nearly nearly feel out of bed laughing (got stupidly lost earlier today and wished I had bothered to program said device)

Hope OP who didn't mean to be called Bupcakes feels better soon.

This is truly the funniest thread I have EVER read on Mumsnet and I've been around for nigh on 5 years. It tops the UCM one. I've had tears streaming down my face with laughter. And will now be coughing all night thank you very much (laughing is not something that's good for me apparently).

Many things to answer, many things but most pressing are:

THIS
"um.. with the yogurt, do you have to eat it or slather it directly onto your gorilla sandwich?"

Made me have a laughing/coughing fit, so thanks for that.

Secondly, great to know that anyone Googling "itchy vagina" will get directed to this thread. If I'm lucky, my dad won't see it. :(

1. I HAVEN'T GOT CUNTWERMS