Oh. My toaster has gone missing.

[CauldronsTrulyReign]

There's just a big gap on the work surface well, besides some crumbs.

What the actual croissant?

my mates cat once peed in her toaster. at least she thought it ws the cat (only discovered when toasting a teacake and it went phut with a urine scented puff). I always suspected her dypsomaniac DP.

My god the dedication of that profile.

And we still don't know where the toaster is...

Well...

Hang on. How do we know she's the real Chaos? How do we know that Chaos hasn't been abducted too and she ^ is just trying to throw us off?

I've always wanted to do that synchronised picking up of phones with raised eyebrows.

Here is my opportunity.

Yay.

toaster I can't take it any more. That poor, poor, frightened toaster. I've caved in. I'll pay, I'll pay. Just tell me where, and when.

Oh, and how much.

Ants? They can lift 100 times their own bodyweight.

Apparently.

Randsom note (AKA my demands)

500g naice ham
Orla Kiely handbag
Boden catalogue
Cold sancerre
Babyliss Big Hair
Shred DVD

Ok I can provide Boden cat and babyliss BH.

Who can help with rest rest?

Why would a male appliance napper want those?

I have some naice ham and a Davina dvd.

I have a shred DVD still in its unopened packaging

Davina DVD? Don't fuck about.

Right, I am atking the Chaotics to Youth Club.

I expect it to be back on my return.

No more fannying around.

New picture on profile. Cos I'm serious.

I have a OR handbag but only if you could return my good measuring jug also

I think I can help with the cold Sancerre

This post has proper cheered me up thanks!

YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG. I AM INCREASING THE DEMANDS.

Revised Randsom note

500g naice ham
Orla Kiely handbag (new, not any old tat. Leather)
Boden catalogue
Cold sancerre (big bottle of)
Babyliss Big Hair (Unused. No bits of mangy locks trapped in the mechanism)
Shred DVD (unopened)
Mention in Talk Roundup
Tea and biscuits at The Towers.

In fact, get MNHQ on the phone. I will only negotiate with Justine. Or Carrie if Justine is busy.

Oh I just remembered one of my measuring jugs has also gone missing...

Is that definitely a current picture of the toaster? How do we know it's still OK?

I think we need to see it reading a copy of today's .....erm....Daily Mail....

I wanted to be the hero of the hour. Too late, too late.

IHaveYourToaster: I am sure that MNHQ have a policy against negotiating with terrorists. Justine will be here in a minute and will quote the MN Phiosophy.

"Please do bear in mind how difficult this parenting business can be, and if there's one thing all of us could do with, it's some moral support." That is a clear indictment of holding other mother's toasters as hostage.

The secret service do not comment on procedure.