As the name suggests, I am sadly (but not that sadly) doing a shiney penguin....

[sadlydoingshineypenguins]

Quick potted history. With boyfriend 9 months. Not that serious but we had had the exclusive talk. Met on a dating site.

About a month ago had a feeling something wasn't right. Few nights he was supposed to be here and cancelled for dopey reasons that set my spidey sense tingling.

Looked on the dating site and lo and beholdy there is was, active, having logged in in the last 24 hours.

But I am not as stupid as he thinks I am.

I set up a profile called thisblokeliesandcheats (it's been taken down) with all his details except photo and spelled out what he'd done (thanks whoever that was who suggested that one) and I will probably do it again

At this point he's said he's coming here Thursday night to stop for the weekend (he doesn't work Friday)

BUT he has also arranged to meet "Anna" off the dating site at a lovely new restaurant for lunch on the Friday about an hour away from here (half an hour from his house)

Obviously, I am Anna.

So, how long do I keep this going. My teeth are itching I want to tell him so much

Am also a little upset, but I had nothing invested in the relationship, so my pride has taken a hit and I feel a bit of a mug but other than that am grand.

the me and anna photo is a gr8 idea that would make him sweat!

Mate will be over around 8, she is bringing chinese and I have the wine in the fridge so no doubt his ears will be burning and the air will be blue.

Bellend Boy will be getting his comeuppance tomorrow

I think more than anything I'm disappointed in myself. i thought my wanker radar was better than that and I feel like a fool to have been taken in so my pride has taken a bit of a beating but hey ho I'll get over it

fails

(1) Send him a text saying you have met someone else on your night out, who is really 'much more in tune with you'
(2) Send him another text from 'Anna' saying you have met someone who you never thought you'd go for but you just want to explore possibilities with. Hint strongly it's a girl.

Muwhahahahhahahah!

Think that you DEFINITELY need to have Anna do the walk by and move on with a "sorry hun but ur nothin like ur phot, really I hate it when guys do that and they are mingin do u think i'm stupid or somfink laters Anna"

As for you you need to meet someone (tonight) who has blown you off your feet and you just have to give it a chance. You would HATE to two time him as your just not like that but really sorry can't go on with the "relationship"?

Would that work?

Firstly, sorry you're feeling crap and I hope you feel better sooner rather than later. Everyone has met someone who's taken them in - that's important to remember, nobody has foolproof bullshit radar - you had the bad luck for it to be someone you were having a relationship with.

Whatever you do, it has to mean you come away from it with a self-satisfied, smug glow. How about Anna stands him up, texts him saying she saw him and recognised him as the boyfriend of an acquaintance? Perhaps she texted her friend to ask if you and he were still together, friend confirms, so she ran a mile and how could he etc?

Then you go cool for a bit. He'll be crapping himself that she's told someone who'll have told you. Dump him next week by text, don't give too much of a reason. Leave him with unanswered questions all round.

valetude - that's a goooood idea but I really don't think I could stand the sight of him at the moment. And I don't think I can keep a relationship (even if only a fake one) going for another week.

To be quite honest, I never ever want to set eyes on the slimey shitty bellend git

Oh no don't see him! Make some crappy excuse about the weekend (then use the weekend to have some fun). Say you've got d+v or something.

And reply coolly to texts, don't answer the phone, text to say you were busy when it was ringing then don't reply if he texts you back - nothing specific but at the same time don't show any real interest in him. Don't talk to him if you can help it.

The double dumping is definitely the way to go. I wouldn't make any connection between you and Anna- it's a bit contrived.

If you want to rub a bit of salt in his wounds, make sure you dump him by text just before he is due to meet Anna. Then you get to imagine his further crushing when twenty minutes later, Anna hasn't turned up, and he gets a text from her saying he is far less attractive than she had been led to believe.

I agreee with the lack of connection leave him wondering, I like the Idea of the pre dump maybe in the morning really good night with friend re-evaluted your life and it's not going in the right direction atm sorry bye.

I don't think you should say it isn't working out for you. I think you should say Knobhead, I don't want to continue a relationship with you as I don't like you. Then block his number.

He's going to be wearing

Are you ready for this ladies??

Tan shorts and a red polo

Anna will be wearing a beige stripey top with capri pants and a leather bag

I know that red polo.

It would make good dishrags. It's faded. And cargo shorts. WTF??

When i used to email as 'jessica' i would be shaking. Like shivering really violently. I felt so angry and hurt and incredulous. I played him like a puppet the stupid moron. I kept it up for a couple of weeks! One evening he was killing time in the pub, and i know on his laptop, as i was putting kids to bed and 'jessica' emailed him to say she was free that evening, he replied saying he had a boring works do to go to. 15 mins later he was round at mine! It took herculean strength to keep it to myself.
But all that aside, i would just learn what you can from this episode, remind yourself of who you really are and concentrate on finding yourself someone really nice. Men aren't all bastards, but some of them do this because they can. The internet makes anything accessible to anyone and it just prooves too tempting for the weak.
Fill your day tomorrow with positives, get yourself some flowers, see friends and do lots of smiling.

He really thinks he's god's gift and so doesn't need the clothes to be good ones does he?

He's saving those for the second date!

Aw couldn't find a photo with a red polo, will a <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=wearing+rubber+ring&um=1&hl=en&client=firefox-a&sa=N&rls=org.mozilla:en-GB:official&biw=1024&bih=456&tbm=isch&tbnid=KmOtEFZ5b1K_WM:&imgrefurl=www.superstock.com/stock-photography/Rubber%2Brings&docid=s6GfD2PTq3nlBM&w=124&h=170&ei=xKhWTpcphLeFB9vbxKMM&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=707&vpy=125&dur=745&hovh=136&hovw=99&tx=86&ty=52&page=7&tbnh=136&tbnw=99&start=61&ndsp=11&ved=1t:429,r:4,s:61" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">green one do??

Good luck Sadly, been lurking so far, but I'll be tuned in tomorrow for all the goss!

Poshbagirl made some very good points be kind to yourself however much this helps you have still invested something into him, but look for the positives.

Just keep thinking that by this time tomorrow night he'll be out of your life and do as posh says and treat yourself tomorrow.

Well the first date he had with me he wore a t-shirt and jeans but the jeans were nice black ones

Stupid fucking wanker is going to get such a shock tomorrow when I text him around 12.45 to say I've been re-evaluating my life after my night with my friend and I'm really just not that into him.

And then Anna dumps him about 45 mins later.

Fuckwit.

Don't mention your friend. He will think you have been influenced and might be able to be talked round. Also, did you see my text suggestion?

what a twunt.
this thread is hilarious.hope it all works out op.

Lets create a visualisation of OP's lovely nooooo man!
Me first! Ok, he's got a cute slightly spikey hairdo.
He's nice to his Mum.
Has an interesting job that he's good at and loves doing.
He's very funny.
Smiles alot.
Has cute imperfections......

Anyone else like to add any detail?

poshbaggirl go on.....I'm a listening

This is team work girlfriend! Who else is seeing OP's man? Where is he right now? What's he doing? Mending his car? Having a drink with a mate? Seeing his sister's new baby? Doing his ironing?

Dear God woman if he does ironing send him over right away