Odd thing you've done, and then thought 'WTF did I do that?!'

[ChickensHaveNoEyebrows]

I once found a white disc in the washing machine after a load had finished. Couldn't for the life of me work out what it was. So I licked it. Turns out it was a lemon scented bleach block for the toilet cistern. I'd scooped up the packet with the dirty washing. I don't usually lick random objects. It tasted a bit lemony, and not particularly fatal in case you were wondering.

[acsec]

Ilovebags that made me remember - I have tried to open my front door with my Oyster card before...surprisingly it doesn't work!

[PurpleLostPrincess]

ilovebags me too!!

[RedAmberGreen]

I was decorating in a confined space, I'd put my paint pot on the top of the ladders. I climbed down the ladders and picked them up to move them along and the pot of paint slid off and whacked me on the face right on my nose.

It really hurt and I was about 8 months pregnant, what a complete tit!

[LesserOfTwoWeevils]

Not me but my mother:
I was driving her somewhere when her phone started to ring.
Me: Mother, that's your phone.
Mother: (astonished) Oh, is it?
Reaches into handbag, takes out my TV remote and attempts to answer it.
Another time I asked her to open the car window a little bit and she opened the door.
While the car was moving.

[FayKnights]

Lesser - your mum's antics made me snigger in a very unladylike fashion!

I called one of my senior managers at work 'babe', i work in a very staid bank and earlier on today I caught myself giving my poorly cat a double thumbs up, he looked at me scathingly!

Loves these threads, will try and think of some more WTF moments.

[b1uebells]

I once checked whether my hair straightners were hot by closing them around my fingers. They were as hot as they ever get, the burns were awful.

[partystress]

Tonight. Met up with an old friend who I have known for years, but had never met her DH. Hadn't seen her for about a year and was probably a bit overexcited about all we had to catch up on. She took me into the living room to introduce me to DH, who stood up to shake hands and I said "God, you're big!". I meant tall, but wtf? Have no idea why I thought this was an appropriate conversational opening gambit. Started muttering in a continuing-to-dig-hole way about how I'd got builders in at home and they were all really short, which is true but just felt really

[partystress]

My other mortifying moment was years ago when I was 20-something and a bit overawed by the grandeur of the ancient old English bank boardroom in which a signing ceremony at which I was a very junior bag carrier was taking place. It was pre-mobiles and I needed to phone back to our office for something. I asked one of the grand old English bankers whether I needed to dial anything for an outside line. "Nine" he replied, grandly. I dialled, got nothing. Sorry, I squeaked, did you say I have to dial anything? "Nine" he replied, grandly, but also a trifle irritated. Out of my mouth, not bothering to visit my brain en route came the words, "Oh sorry, I thought you were speaking German." We were in London. Everyone there was English. I do not speak German. and

[AmaraDresden]

I had a friend round for a cuppa, and we went outside for a crafty smoke, DS2 was furious that we didn't go out the backdoor and randomly I shut the front door with DS2 in the house. Yes, it was a yale lock, luckily DS was playing happily while friend and I broke a panel of glass in the back door to be able to reach the key and unlock it. DP worked a 40min drive away at the time, but I guess DS2 was right... We should've gone out the backdoor!

[AmaraDresden]

I had a friend round for a cuppa, and we went outside for a crafty smoke, DS2 was furious that we didn't go out the backdoor and randomly I shut the front door with DS2 in the house. Yes, it was a yale lock, luckily DS was playing happily while friend and I broke a panel of glass in the back door to be able to reach the key and unlock it. DP worked a 40min drive away at the time, but I guess DS2 was right... We should've gone out the backdoor!

[AmaraDresden]

Oooh, and another locked out the house story, I had left my keys in the house and rang DP upset, so he said he'd drive back when his boss kindly offered to bring the keys instead. 30 mins in I had to ring DP back and ask him to call his boss as I'd found the keys at the bottom of my bag... Ooops!

[LordOfTheFlies]

Many,many years ago my mate and I went to the loos at Glasgow Central Station.(Had to pay 20p but they were clean)
Heard very loud peeing from next cubicle so called out in sing-songy voice
"I can heeeeeeaaaaaarrrrrr you".

Left cubicle to see my mate leaving another at the others end of the row.

Complete stranger in next loo. Gave me a right WTF look (or as they say in Glasgow A Whooer of a Look)
Pre MN or I'm sure it would have been judgy.

[HotSummerNights]

Not me, but exDP. We had gone out for a couple of drinks one sunday afternoon then fell asleep when we got home.

Come 8pm he woke up thinking it was 8am and late for work so he quickly got showered and dressed and headed out only to get to work and realise it was still Sunday night.

[TottWriter]

I once squeezed a spot too hard and bruised the skin. It looked like a love bite, on my chin, and I had school the next day (secondary school, so nice and bitchy).

I think I swallowed what little pride I had left... nd told everyone I had walked into a wardrobe!

[alphabettyspagghetti]

Made some stock out of the left over lamb, then proceeded to "drain" the stock right down the sink leaving me with just the veg and bones I didnt need at the bottom of the soapy sink because on top of that I failed to use the strainer.

I've locked myself out of the house more times than I care to remember.

Went shopping while then dp waited outside in the car, paid for shopping, loaded it into the back of the car, put the trolly back and got into the passenger seat all the while moaning about the queues and people in general and turned to face DP.

That's right people...it was neither DP or his car. DP was in the car behind us looking at me as if to say "WTF?" then proceded to wet himself laughing as did the poor bloke sat next to me.

XP drove to the shop for some bit I was missing for dinner, came back, got in the door, put shopping on the side and walked stright back out again without saying a word. 15 minutes later he was back with a sheepish look on his face. He'd left the car at the shop.

[EuphemiaMcGonagall]

I worked in Edinburgh Tourist Office when I was a student in the 80s. A visitor asked the best way to drive to St Andrews and I directed them ... via Stirling!

They pointed at the South Queensferry area on the map and said "Could I maybe just go over that bridge?" (That would be the Forth Bridge, opened in 1964.)

I replied "Yes, I suppose you could, if you were in a hurry."

I was young and nervous, okay?

[ChickensHaveNoEyebrows]

Arf at the German/English mix up

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

My aunt was out having coffee with my mother and her mobile rang in her handbag. The bag was nearest my mother so my mother had a rummage but couldn't find the phone. Passed the bag to my aunt who also had a rummage and couldn't find it. She threw the bag in disgust and said "damn, I must have left it at home" :o

[kittensliveupstairs]

I was driving DD and her friend home from somewhere. As we came round the corner to go into our flats, I decided to stop and throw some rubbish into the outside bins. I jumped out of the car and left the engine running so the A/C didn't stop. The car was so aged the doors locked and two six year olds were inside a running, automatic car. DD played silly buggers and wouldn't touch the key 'because you told me not to'. I had visions of them knocking it into gear and flying off somewhere.

[Conflugenglugen]

I was driving along a busy lane with parked cars on both sides and decided to squeeze through a narrow gap between a car waiting on the side of the road - complete with man in the driver's seat - and the cars parked down the other. It was too narrow, and I heard my car scraping down the side of the car with the driver.

Did I stop? Noooooo! I kept edging forwards until his car lifted off the ground. The weird thing was that he seemed unconcerned about the whole thing, casually waving me back. I beat a hasty retreat.

Another one: I was at a safari park one day, looking at a swarm of baby grasshoppers. I had a bit of a crush on the warden, and was trying to impress him with my insight: "So, x, at what stage of a grasshopper's life does it turn into a butterfly?"

Oh ffs.

[cumbria81]

The other week I locked the house as I was leaving and then proceeded to POST THE KEYS THROUGH THE LETTER BOX, thus locking myself out. I have absolutely no idea why I did this.

[Threaders]

I was half alseep on a long haul flight once years ago. Got up and went to the toilet for a shit. Mid way through, someone tried the locked door of the toilet I was in - in my half alseep state, I leaned forward and unlocked the door. The poor old lady was confronted by me with my trollies round my ankles and a god awful waft of shit smelling foulness. As were the 2 stewardesses stood behind her.

As I was barely awake, I was lucky that she had the presence of mind to immediately close the door again as I was just sat there staring into space in a trance.......

[iklboo]

When I was about 10 I heard my dad moaning that his razors were rubbish & blunt. So I went upstairs & ran my thumb down the blade to test it. Still have the scar.

[onehellofaride]

love this thread! can't think of anything to add at the minute

[MummyDoIt]

I was watering the garden. Did the back garden then carried the hose through the house to do the front. Doorbell rang as I approached the front door and it was DS's speech therapist. For some unknown reason, I turned the hose on as I opened the door! The bloody thing had been off for me to carry it through the house but I turned it on and sprayed the poor woman. I was mortified!