Odd thing you've done, and then thought 'WTF did I do that?!'

[ChickensHaveNoEyebrows]

I once found a white disc in the washing machine after a load had finished. Couldn't for the life of me work out what it was. So I licked it. Turns out it was a lemon scented bleach block for the toilet cistern. I'd scooped up the packet with the dirty washing. I don't usually lick random objects. It tasted a bit lemony, and not particularly fatal in case you were wondering.

I've been guffawing at these! Hilarious.

DS was helping me to make some yorkshire puddings. I asked him to measure the milk, and went out of the room to do something. Came back and he had put the milk into the (cracked) weighing scale basket thing! m

Eek posted before finishing....milk was pissing out all over the place. This is the boy who got mainly A's and B's in GCSE and A level!

Oh, and at work, I did a really stupid thing - took a call and put it through to a vip person, put phone down and said something to colleague about her...except the phone hadn't disconnected! Cue very angry call about my unprofessionalism (hmm is that a word)

ummm I carried an egg arond the house for the good part of an hour - I got a message on ebay asking for postage costs to another country - so I took the solitary egg that lives in my scales and weighed the item.....went back to my laptop and sent the message ......carried the egg upstairs while I had a piss ....took the egg into my daughters room and tidied up ( whilst thinking ....there is a fucking raw egg lying on the bed ....picked up the egg and carried it to my bedroom , put it on my bed while I tidied my wardrobe ...picked up the egg and carried it downstairs where I laid it in the scales thingy - WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ALL ABOUT????

I think I am going to have one of those dreams tonight where I wake DP up with my laughing.

Not me DH. The other day he left his phone at home. I was out.

He proceeded to call me 12 times from friends phone, leaving irate messages that I wasn't answering.

It was only when he got back and listened to his voice messages that he realised that he had in fact been phoning his phone the whole time.

No wonder I didn't answer!

Why on earth have you got an egg that lives in your scales CarnivalBizarre?

Ooh not me again.

I was once in a club (a looong looong time ago) and there was a cardboard cut out of the statue of liberty in the corner.

A very, very out of it guy spent over half an hour cuddling and talking to it.

The bouncer/dj/several others went over to say 'mate you do know that isn't a chick right?'

He told them to 'go away I'm in here' and proceeded to snog it/cuddle it for the rest of the night!

QueenZombra - Thats just where the eggs live !!! And eggs should not be kept anywhere else

Bwahahahaha at parakeet interruption. How rude of them :o

Queen Stromba - yes I am 8 months so am doing loads of nappy brain things. My DH calls them 'vodka bottle moments' as when I was with my class I told them all to put their hats and vodka bottles on the table, I meant water bottles and have no idea why I said vodka.
I once asked an ex to measure out the milk for a recepie. I thought he would check the recepie and use the measures on the jug - erm no! I came back into the room to see he had poured milk into a cup and used a tape measure, was very confused when I was told there was 5cm of milk
Keep these coming guys they are hilarious

I laughed so hard at "5cm of milk", coffee came out of my nose

I have been having hysterics at these. My dh has just rung from work, on his break. I answered the phone, but couldn't speak for laughing and crying at the same time. DH said "My God, what's wrong? What's happened?". I still couldn't answer for crying with laughter. "That's it" he says "I'm on my way home" and puts the phone down. I have had to get dd to call him back and tell him we are all OK and explain it's just mum reading Mumsnet.

Ohh we made it into classics

-proud-

Last night I was walking around upstairs trying to find where I'd left my baby. The thing is I'm 23 weeks pregnant with my first child and the baby is inside me.

These are hilarious. But 'nine' is so funny it made cry with laughter hahaha

Classics! Now, I can die happy.....

The Angela Hernandez story made me weep with laughter the first time I read it. Time hasn't made it any less funny!

Tipped a brimming (think "Royle Family") ashtray directly into my own face.

I was lying flat in bed, didn't have my contact lenses in, couldn't be arsed to sit up and thought the ashtray was the alarm clock.

Rescued a hedghog in the middle of the road at night in the pouring rain, realised it wasn't a hedgehog but a large lump of mud, but was so embarrassed (fairly busy road) I made a big show of placing it tenderly in the bushes at the side of the road.

Am howling at tenderly placing the lump of mud by the side of the road

I hope you gave the lump of mud a little stroke before leaving, gingerly.

The lump of mud story is killing me. I had to step outside for a minute to try and calm down.

PIL took me and DH out for a meal. We were discussing table manners and they were saying how you should squash peas onto the back of your fork.
So I said 'but I like to feel the pea-ness explode in my mouth!'
I didn't realise what I'd said until I saw their faces and played it back in my head

Several times at the playground, when I've briefly lost sight of DD my first instinct is to call her.

She's 3!

The Doh! Moment of realisation astonishes me everytime.