Dear *

[OTheHugeManatee]

Dear boss

Why can't you stop micromanaging and let everyone get on with the jobs you hired us to do?

Dear self

Stop procrastinating.

Dear period

Why must you always malignantly wait until I'm wearing pink knickers before you put in an appearance?

How old?

1 year

Oh. I replies to that TFMDV. How odd. Will have to go off in search of wherever it landed.

Dear middle brother,

I am very sorry you are feeling suicidal.Maybe this wouldn't have happened if you hadn't spent the last 20 years smoking enough marijuana to supply a small South American country.Please get your head sorted out and concentrate on being a Good Dad to your children..I will always be there for you if need be,and will drop everything to help where I can.It has probably escaped your notice that I even exist and your input when dp was ill and dying was zero,probably because you were stoned,but I will always be there if you need me,despite wanting to scream at you in frustration,I will keep my mouth shut,but please,think of my nephews:(

love

Mavis

Dear Mummy Mafia,

You are too thin. Why am I okay to talk to last year but now I'm not? Although i don't really care. You strut around the playground like we are still at school. We're not! We don't think you are cool. We don't want to be your friends. Being a size 6 is not the most important thing in the world. Also for two of you your children are bullies and the teachers refer to them as madams. Also dress your ages. You are not teenagers you are in your 30s. Also bleach blonde hair looks and feels like straw!

Kind regards
The loser in the waterproof coat and sensible shoes.

Thankyou pinot .

Dear SIL
I know you don't believe any of us (so we've given up saying it), but you will love your baby far more than you do the dogs, even though you don't think that would be possible. You won't want to leave it with your mum for your honeymoon - it will go with you
Don't let your mum dissuade you from bfing - it's only because she wants to be able to have the baby overnight. Probably my fault, as she could never have any of mine!

Dear MIL
Don't worry! I'm sure SIL will soon get excited about becoming a mum! However, stop telling her she won't cope with bfing

Dear other SIL
Any of my children would be missed a hell of a lot more than one if your cats. How bloody dare you say what you did, even if you thought you were joking.

Love Me x

Very cathartic OP, thank you!

Dear Ruby

Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

Love Shabbs. xx

Dear Man City

I now love you more than ever.

Love Shabbs

Dear DS4 (13 years)

Although I almost peed my pants at your Facebook status which involved the word granny sha**ing donkeys and Manchester United - it is a very good job that your Gran is not on Facebook. I would like you to change your status if possible.....and very quickly.

Love your Mam xxx

Dear HHY

have you tried olive oil on the hamster wheel? Wil stop any squeaking straight away!

sparkle

Dear maternity leave

I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you at the beginning but I'm learning to love you now, why must you cut me off in my prime and force me back to work?

Sparkle

Dear DD

I am sorry for the first two months of your life, I didn't know what to do, I was suffering with PND, I will never get that time back but I love you more than you will ever know now and I hope that is enough. You are my world.

Sparkle

Dear DH

Thank you. For everything. I wouldn't have been able to do this without you and I hope I have made you happy!

Sparkle

Dear work colleague,

I don't care you have put in a transfer request when you heard I was coming back to the department, in fact I am keeping my fingers crossed it works out for you as it'll make my life a whole lot easier.

FM

Dear Very Fit Beautiful lady at the gym/swimming pool,

Why do you always get undressed literally right next to the door so we have to squeeze round you to get past? THis in itself would not be a problem if you didn't get completely undressed and bend over butt naked to talc your nether regions (think touching your toes position). You are clearly funding your waxers' holidays to the Caribbean as your hairless state demonstrates!

Some things I don't need to see when I take my 5 year old to her swimming lesson!

Dear ex
when you have the children please feed them someting other than chocolate (and no an unoppened box of grapes on the pushchair is not going to fool me) so that after doing a 4 hr round trip so you can play father christmas for 5 hrs without any parental responsibility i could actually sleep instead of being awake with two hungry overwrought children. And while we're at it DD1 needing a wee in a shop with no toliet is not an emergancy to ring me about. She's your daughter deal with it yourself. Yes i was at my partners house having sex but ringing me with fake emergancies is not going to make me want you back. Its actually going to make me hate you more. Please grow up and stop using the children like this before they realise what you are doing and hate you themselves.

Dear sparkle,

Thanks for the tip re olive oil .

We probably won't need to try it out tonight as dear hamster has done a houdini and escaped

Love HHY

Dear DS

I'm sorry I used the line I hated as a child on you today but hopefully you'll realise it was done out of love - as I did tell you that.

Dear Friend

It breaks my heart to watch you struggling with your DC's, but please will you put a stop to them hitting you and calling you names. Ignoring it is not working and you deserve more respect than that. .

Dear X

The day you wouldn't take no for an answer haunts me, but I believe in a weird way it's made me stronger,and I hope your rotting in hell somewhere.

Dear Knee

Please stop hurting - I refused the op 13 years ago and would like to keep it that way.

Dear OP

Great thread.

Love Helium.

Dear Internet Dating site,

Thank you for helping me meet my lovely DF who I am marrying in 3 weeks. This is the first time I've been in a relationship that I can be completely myself. You love me warts and all (I know it drives you nuts that I can never shut drawers properly or half screw lids on bottles of any description). It could have easily gone tits up when I got up the duff 5 months into our relationship but thank god it didn't. You are a wonderful, warm and loving partner/dad, and THANK YOU for giving me our two beautiful daughters. I know it has been an emotional roller coaster of a year, arranging a wedding, having our DD2 and losing your dad. I will always be there for you.

Love you loads x x

PS I was serious about the vasectomy!

Dear Mum,

I can't believe it will be 10 years in september. It's not until I've become a mum that I appreciate what you did for me and my sis. I know we struggled with money, and you made some poor choices regarding men, but we were loved and you produced two fiercely independent, hard working daughters.

I tried to pretend I could carry on as normal but truthfully I felt so shit scared and alone when you were dying. Now I would give anything for you to be able to have met your 2 grandaughters, and walk me down the aisle.

Thank you and love always,
Your daughter x

Dear Dad,

You were a good dad for the first 10 years but I still don't understand why you fucked off out of my life for so long. No contact. You were lucky that I gave you a second chance at mum's funeral. But life is too short

I know we will never be close, too much time has passed. You are a nice man but I can't help but feel bitter and guilty that you are enjoying your grand daughters, when my mum did all the child rearing and will never meet them. Sorry but that's how I feel. And stop prioritising the fucking dog over your grandchildren!

Having said that I'm still glad you're walking me down the aisle.

Love,
Your daughter x

To my lovely DD's.

Thank you for coming into my life at this late stage. DD1 you are so strong willed and independent. You are like me. We will clash in later life. But where the hell do you get your obsession with cleanliness from??!! Love you beautiful girl!!

DD2 you are only 2 months old but thank you for sleeping through already!! You are gorgeous and smiley and you look just like your sister.

love Mummy x x

That's better. Thank you.

Thank you for listening

Dear DH

Thank you for listening to me today and for hearing what I was saying.

great shag too

Love Me xxx

Dear DS1,

You and I have been on this road for a long time. Side by side we travelled it alone for a while. We got strength from eachother, stood proud of ourselves. Then somewhere we both changed, You became distant and I became worried, I worried what was wrong, where my little boy had gone, why you suddenly refusing all foods, not sleeping along with many other things. You continued to excell at school and were way ahead of your peers in a lot of ways but in the most basic you were so very far behind. It wasn't so bad when you were little, I was able to get you to believe me when I said it didn't matter and that together you and I would get through anything. I promise you my darling we will. This diagnosis is going to help you, I, and daddy to learn how to help you, you are our priority.

I know it hurts you that Ben doesn't want to know you and I am proud of you for saying "he is my father, my dad is the person who cares for me" and I promise you that one day soon Daddy will adopt you and to echo your words "you WILL have your proper dad".

I know you look at me playing with your younger brother and I see from the look in your eyes you wish you could join in, I do too but together with my help you will learn its ok to.

Just remember what we always said
"You and I,
together forever
and noone will break us apart
or take us away"

Love

Mummy x

Dear DP,

You and I have been through our ups and downs mainly because I am an arse and get stressed over silly things. You will never know how grateful I am to have met you, you have shown me just what it is to be loved and I love you with all my heart. You can always make me laugh when I am feeling low. You gave me another gorgeous son, and you gave my son a brother he had always wanted.

I am more grateful than I can begin to express. When I had DS2 you made a decision which I will forever be in debt to you for. Registering him in my surname so that DS1 didn't feel different was a big gesture and I will always appreciate what you did.

I know at times I am a moody cow but never forget I love you.

Love

TLES

Dear DS2,

You came into this world in such a hurry and then gave me 5 days of fear. You were the tiniest little thing I had ever seen and so vunerable as well. I fought your corner from day one and will always do so.

Please don't ever think that I love your big brother any more than I love you, I love you both equally its just sometimes your brother needs me more than you, he needs me to sit under his bed with him without you coming in and wanting to play. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you he is just different to you he needs more of his own space and he is not "stinky pete" because he won't play.

Love

Mummy x

Dear DM,i love you more than anything and you have supported me through a really crap few years.The fact is I AM messy and I AM disorganised.It is my mess and disorganisation.The kids seem happy and that is all that is important to me.I know you think I am too much of a softie..

Dear DF please start talking to me on an emotional level rather than just about football or computing.Love you loads though!

Dear Boss,when you barked at me the other day I was involved in looking after a patient that was deteriorating which in my book was more important than your precious "Catch up time" so bugger off.

Dear Son.PLEASE flush the toilet after having a poo.I have told you this 100000000 times you dirty boy

Dear Daughter,PLEASE can you wake up after 5.30 am,will love you loads

dear neighbours

please get your fecking drains sorted. my DH is not dyno rod, and while he clears out your blocked drain for the 4th time in 2 months please do not jauntily ask him if he is having fun

as next time you may find out how far a drain rod will fit up your arse.

now get it fucking sorted. please.

Vicar.

Dear Baby,

You are now late! I don't know who you get this from as both your daddy and I anally retentative about being on time!

If you could give me any indication on when you intend to make an appearance I would be ever so grateful.

Love
Mummy

Dear Friends, Family and nosey people I barely know from work,

Yes I have had the baby, 3 weeks ago in fact, I'm just keeping it a secret from the world because I thought it would be funny.

Please kindly just wait for the announcement, texting/phoning/FB messages daily will not bring him along any quicker and they are beginning to get on my tits quite frankly!

Yours lovingly
LisMcA