What do you think about spouses/partners staying overnight on postnatal wards?

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello

The organisation Birthrights (with whom we've done some stuff in the past) are planning a new campaign called First Night, and wanted to know whether it's something MN could support - so we said we'd ask you lot!

Here's Birthrights' description of the campaign:

'Birthrights is a human rights in childbirth charity, and we will be launching a campaign later this year to ensure women aren't left alone on often over-staffed postnatal wards, but instead can choose to have their partner remain with them overnight. We will be researching what's important to women, partners and staff, the barriers and benefits, and working with units who've implemented this policy to draw up best practice guidelines to use as they lobby for change.'

So please let us know what you think. Is this something you'd like us to swing behind?

Thanks
MNHQ

Why are they even considering this? Is idiotic, they're are women being turned away from maternity units because they are full why, as others have said, they need to fix the problem of too few midwives as a priority.

I'd happily back a rival campaign to protect privacy for new mothers.

Agree that the notion that fathers should stay overnight in the ward so that they can bond with their children is nonsense.

DS1 spent his first 3.5 weeks in SCBU due to prematurity. SCBU only had one room where parents could sleep, and that was set aside for parents of babies about to be discharged. So, for almost the first 3.5 weeks of DS1's life, DH and I had to leave DS1 alone in SCBU overnight while we went home to get some sleep.

Amazingly, DH and I have both managed to bond well with DS1, despite this early unavoidable separation.

This thread is giving me a great deal of pause for thought. I've benefitted from Birthrights support in the past. I've never had reason to fear my partner, but have been assaulted by a HCP, and as such would support this campaign without hesitation, although I understand that my position is not typical.
The suggestions about HCPs insisting on seeing women at least once without a partner present to screen for domestic abuse are making my blood run cold. I wouldn't be able to face going.
I would like to challenge the idea that women in my position don't need support to get their needs met in hospital, though. We've had to be very assertive to be taken seriously and I still ended up staying without my partner on the post natal ward after a C-section, which I managed but was not ideal.

Another resounding no here.

Like pp I would campaign against this, it's just the sort of low-cost, ill-judged and poorly thought out idea that this government would jump on as an easy win.

There needs to be a rival campaign, stating strongly that this would be an idiotic idea. Otherwise, this is exactly the kind of big idea Cameron et al absolutely adore, and scarily, I can see it going ahead.

Yes, I totally agree.

I really hope Birthrights listen.

goats

"if we make this a right then the abusive partner or ex might enforce their 'right' to be there."

Yy to that. Look at all the threads we have now about ex partners wanting to be there at the birth and showing off when the mother doesnt like the idea of labouring in front of someone she doesnt like.

Apart from the DA problems mentioned, we then have another potential problem. If it is supposed to be done for the 'bonding' that the father is missing out on, then non-resident fathers will have as much right to hang around as the happily married ones.

Or, if its not actually for 'bonding' but for the assistance provided then WHY ARE YOU NOT CAMPAIGNING FOR IMPROVED POSTNATAL CARE???

I was joking with my suggestion of the "fathers nursery", but actually, why is postnatal care the only care where there are two people who apparently need to stay in hospital, yet one has to look after the other? On a childrens ward, one well parent gets to stay with the child. Perhaps we need to look at it as a joint childrens ward (with one carer overnight per child) and female postnatal ward?

And, as i said about six pages ago - let the women go home who want to without telling them they "have" wait two days to see a paediatrician!

My babies were in icu for 5 weeks. We didn't come home till after a month. Bonding not affected. Ridiculous nonsense.

I would also campaign against this and am cross with birthright they haven't dropped it.

I also support any campaign against this.

I contrast to much of this thread, I'm totally in support of the option for an area in which male partners can stay overnight. I was lucky enough to get a private room from my second nght on in which my partner could saty and it transformed the first few days with my babies. The first night was one of the worst of life, but the next three were much, much better. I had all the medical care I needed on all nights, my partner wasn't a replacement nurse, but he made lonely nights more relaxing, enabling me to get far more sleep than I otherwise would have, was an advocate when I needed it and the best second pair of hands in caring for our babies. We bonded with each other as new parents in those first few days and have lovely memories instead of painful ones.

I absolutely see that women should not be forced into areas where non-patients are staying overnight, but I totally support a campaign to increase the availability of the option.

I'm all for you helping with this campaign.

I had DD1 privately so no issues with dh staying, but with DD2 I was in an NHS hospital and Dh Couldn't stay. Due to the fact that I had had too many drugs in labour, I could barely keep my eyes open and was extremely nauseas. On top of this DD2 had breathing difficulties so after they sent dh home they sent a consultant in to gain consent to do something and I couldn't even understand what she was saying or what was happening. I literally couldn't hear or see. On top of this, dd wouldn't latch as she was too sleepy as well and I was given a small pot and told to "express"....by hand. With the inability to open my eyes. It was a complete disaster and u had no midwife support, i really needed my DH. I have no idea how I got thru that first night other than my consultant gyn. And to check in me and put the mw in their place and eventually they helped me. I think that first night would have been far better if dh could have stayed.

That first night would surely have been better if you had had midwife support.

Men staying overnight in private rooms = great.

Men staying overnight in wards = absolute nightmare.

When I had DS, before DH came to the postnatal ward he said, 'you should stay in as long as you can to recover." Once he came to the ward he said, "Jesus, you've got to get out of this place." And that was without the visitors staying overnight.

I think Birthrights really need to think about what they want to campaign for. Having heard that many, many women experience postnatal care that is inadequate, unkind or unsafe, do we want:

Better postnatal care? More midwives, HCAs etc? Better, cleaner facilities?

Or private rooms for everyone so they can have as many visitors as they want for as long as they want without disturbing other people?

Or for men to be able to stay all night on already overcrowded wards full of vulnerable, sleep deprived, bleeding, ill women and newborns in the hope that for some women they might provide the care that the NHS isn't?

Midwife support would be great but the sad fact is that midwives are overworked and understaffed. I can't see that changing. It will cost nothing to allow partners to stay on the first (and on,y the first) night.

Genuinely, I would urge birthright and supporters of this idea to spend just a few hours in the postnatal wards of hospitals in some more challenging areas. Not all DH's are charming, respectful and helpful.

So instead of campaign on the actual issue, we go for a cheap fix that might help some women but will be damaging for many more. Excellent.

Sorry, how exactly will this be damaging? It's not a law that they have to stay, it's a choice, surely?

Have you read any of the thread allisgood? Can you not imagine why some women might not want random men hanging around all night while they are trying to breastfeed/being examined/having catheters changed, poking there heads round the curtains, being abusive to their partners/other women, being loud/disruptive.

It might be a choice to have your own partner stay (though not everyone is in a relationship where they could ask their partner not to stay) but what about the choice to not have other people's partners there? I'm sure your partner is lovely and helpful but not all men are.

What about the women who don't have a man to stay and help them? So not only do they not get decent midwife care, they are also left feeling vulnerable, alone and unsafe in an overcrowded ward full of men they don't know.

It is damaging because a vulnerable woman doesn't want to be in the same ward as five men pissing around, having a laugh, getting drunk (yes!), playing with the tvs all fecking night long.

Allisgood

Aside from other arguments, it would cost money to accomodate more people. Do you imagine it is free to launder bed linen?