What do you think about spouses/partners staying overnight on postnatal wards?

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello

The organisation Birthrights (with whom we've done some stuff in the past) are planning a new campaign called First Night, and wanted to know whether it's something MN could support - so we said we'd ask you lot!

Here's Birthrights' description of the campaign:

'Birthrights is a human rights in childbirth charity, and we will be launching a campaign later this year to ensure women aren't left alone on often over-staffed postnatal wards, but instead can choose to have their partner remain with them overnight. We will be researching what's important to women, partners and staff, the barriers and benefits, and working with units who've implemented this policy to draw up best practice guidelines to use as they lobby for change.'

So please let us know what you think. Is this something you'd like us to swing behind?

Thanks
MNHQ

I was a long-term patient on a mixed ante- and post-natal ward when pregnant with DS1. It was bad enough at visiting times - I would have hated it if fathers had been allowed to stay all night.

Please don't support this.

Campaign for better overnight support from HCP.

When I had dd1 I would have benefited from DH being able to stay over. I'd had a very traumatic birth and didn't have a clue what to do. I ended getting ill throughout the night and not being able to cope. I was in a private room as I was on the MLU within the hospital so it would have been great if DH could have stayed. I ended up being moved to a ward after the first day though and I wouldn't have liked it all if other people's partners were there during the night. I was in for 4 days too.

After having dd2 again in a private room on the MLU I was more worried about DH making sure dd1 was ok. So I wouldn't have wanted him to stay. Also as it was my second I was much more confident and it went more smoothly. I loved being alone with dd2 after he left it was a great bonding experience. I was only in one night too.

I think the reasons given above (risk of sexual assault, abusive partners gaining more control) are good enough reasons for it not to be a good idea TBH. I think the risks out way the benefits IMO.

Absolutely not. For the reasons already given.

I really needed my dh after birth. He was told to go home and he couldnt stay on the ward that I was on. They had a ward where he could stay, but I wasnt allowed on that ward.
I was struggling and really needed his support. Stitces, catheter, non latching baby and a buzzer out of my reach, I needed help, and who better but my dh

I'd love my DH with me on the ward but I don't wnat yours! That's the crux really.

No, postnaltal wards are no fun when you are tired sore maybe traumatised and have a newborn to care for but it would be even worse with twice the number of random strangers about. Even the nicest of guys whisper, chat, snore, forget to turn off their phones, point cameras in every direction, wander in and out to for a smoke/snack and use the loo.
So no form me.

Agree with those who say only if each couple has a room to themselves. I do not want men that I don't know staying in the same ward as me when I've just had a baby.

The idea of anyone who is not a hospital employee on the wards at night does not sit well with me. I wouldn't want anyone to have their mother or sister or friend there either. And if they are acting as advocates for the patient, then that leaves those without anyone to help them in an even worse position. And if people were chatting all night...

I agree that more staff would be far more beneficial. I must say the position improved when I had dd, and they put all the "problem' people in a special ward. We got quite a bit of doctor/nurse/healthcare assistant attention.

It's a difficult one - ok if you are in a single room, but in a ward?

I think staff would have to spend alot of time dealing with partners and their needs...and not everyone has a pleasant partner.

I would have liked my DP to be there, but someone else's partner snoring in a chair next to me? texting and phoning friends? Listening while my catheter is removed? Seeing me wandering about leaking everywhere with a bowl of bloody urine so the nurses can check my bladder is working properly? No Thanks.

I would be in favour if the wards were better designed and there weren't 6 women in curtained bays in one room.

However as the layout of most wards stand now, then no. As nice as it would be to have your OH with you, the wards are not big enough for it and I would not feel comfortable with 6 other people (not just men, as it would be outrageous to say that only "dad's" can stay - what about single mothers, women whose husbands are in the Forces etc?) in that small ward.

It was bad enough trying to get some rest as it was, without 6 other people filling that room, people who wouldn't be able to even try and sleep, not with no bed.

I would far rather better postnatal care from healthcare professionals was dealt with. I do understand where this campaign is coming from - but it also smacks of a get-out clause for the NHS to not try and place more HCPs on the wards.

This is just my experience, but on that first night, being as equally sleep-deprived, scared and emotional as I was, my DP would have been far less help than a qualified HCP.

I'm sure most people would want their own DP to stay but would hate having everyone else's DP staying and that's the problem. Unless you have your own room, I can't think of anything worse than bumping into strange men while on the way to the loo clutching paper pants and hoping to make it before weeing or bleeding on the floor! Or struggling to breastfeed with boobs and baby everywhere and having ot also think about whether the curtains meet in the middle so Mister Next-door doesn't get an eyeful.There are so many practical problems with this as well - where are all these partners going to stay, in chairs on the ward where everyone can trip over them? Who is feeding them - the overstretched NHS? Are they allowed access to the showers? What about people who don't have a partner? Are they allowed their mother/sister/cousin?

DW was given a private room, not sure exactly what part of particular circumstances led to this. Could have been because it was CS for twins. Nurses found a mattress and put it on the floor next to her bed, MIL slept there for a few nights helping out.

I remember a partner shouting outside my door one night while I was in special care with DD1. And then a furious whispered row outside my door. The husband or whatever was furious his wife was separated from her baby, he was shouting "she's done her job now you do yours.." while the nurse was trying to explain the shared rooms were full.

Absolutely not. I understand the benefit of a woman having her loving partner with her etc but I am looking at it from the point of view of the other new mothers. Whilst the woman might be happy for her partner to be there, doesn't mean the other women should as well. When i had my dc, i remember during visiting times, men coming in to see their babies, some staring rudely at other women partially dressed or who were a bit exposed whilst sleeping because they were in too much pain from CS to cover themselves properly.

Some women were waking up to go the toilet and had stained clothes, it was quite embarrassing having men gazing or trying to avert their gaze when they walked out of the room.

I think women's dignity should be kept at all times and not subject to unwanted prying eyes when in such vulnerable position.

I am more than happy for women to have their partner's with them in a private room.

Yes definitely, if each woman/family has a private room. Put double beds in the rooms and let the family choose. Women having second or subsequent babies will probably need their partner at home with their other children.

No definitely not, if women and babies are on wards. Not fair on the other women.

Nope. Men should not be on wards. WOrk on the under-staffing problem. Don't create more problems and more work for by allowing people who don't belong on the wards that need to be patrolled. I've heard too many stories of abuse, felt too uncomfortable and exposed myself.

Dh could have stayed with me for my first birth but certainly not for my second or my third as we needed him to watch the children. Many many more women are having children as single mothers so they won't have a man with them either.

All that will happen is that the majority will be made to feel uncomfortable by a small minority who do want a partner with them.

If some people have an issue with men being allowed at all, then there should be a facility to allow a doula or maternity nurse to stay instead

I'd have a problem with that too. Too many people in too little space.

It's also unfair on anyone who can't afford a doula or maternity nurse.

I've a friend whose hospital has recently moved to all day visiting times and she is finding it a real challenge - patients getting very little rest, trying toi get through the throng of visitors to administer meds etc

I do think having alot of extra bodies on the ward will create work of the 'can I have a glass of water?' kind

Definitely make people pay if they want to stay. And in private rooms of course.

I was counting down the seconds until DH was allowed back on the ward each of the 3 nights I was in after ds was born. So for that reason, I would want to say yes, but on a regular ward with everyone's partners, it would have been awful, for all the reasons mentioned already, so I come down on No.
In a private room, that's different.
The ward was woefully understaffed, so perhaps if anyone had been around to help me, I wouldn't have been so desperate for DH to be there.

No. I thought ours had a good compromise - fathers from 8am to 9pm, other visitors only one hour in the morning and one in the afternoon. Women only overnight.

It was busy enough at it was though and I was desperate to get home for a bit of peace and quiet - even with a newborn!

I know that many women in private wards get very lonely and isolated though so maby fathers should be able to stay in private rooms but not in shared rooms.

I DO think that visiting hours need to be massively relaxed for partners though. My DH could not visit one day because my sister had already been!

I've actually shocked myself - at how strongly opposed I am to the idea.