What do you think about spouses/partners staying overnight on postnatal wards?

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello

The organisation Birthrights (with whom we've done some stuff in the past) are planning a new campaign called First Night, and wanted to know whether it's something MN could support - so we said we'd ask you lot!

Here's Birthrights' description of the campaign:

'Birthrights is a human rights in childbirth charity, and we will be launching a campaign later this year to ensure women aren't left alone on often over-staffed postnatal wards, but instead can choose to have their partner remain with them overnight. We will be researching what's important to women, partners and staff, the barriers and benefits, and working with units who've implemented this policy to draw up best practice guidelines to use as they lobby for change.'

So please let us know what you think. Is this something you'd like us to swing behind?

Thanks
MNHQ

Just browsing through the Waitrose magazine and there was a bit in there about the "dangers" of eating red meat which started in the 1950s. It now turns out the scientist leading the research totally discounted any countries in the study which didn't support his hypothesis.

Surveys and research are often targeted at groups which are going to give the "right" answer.

Here on MN we have a large, disparate group of women who have all said a resounding "NO". I hope Birthrights chuck their campaign in the shredder.

Yes I would hugely.

When I had my twins after a c/s it was just utterly awful.It was nigh on impossible to pick up and put back my twins unaided,staff took forever to come,bfing was a nightmare,I nearly list one twin down the side of the bed,I felt scared and overwhelmed,I was utterly exhausted and the one person I wanted to help share the load and experience was booted out.

I discharged myself ASAP and far too early just to get home,some sleep and help.

Dads are there for most of the time anyway,staying over night is Niether here nor there.

Fab campaign.

neither

What also concerns me is that if it becomes the norm, there is that additional pressure for men to be at the hospital -not always easy if its not your first child, if you have animals, if they are self employed and need to get back to work etc etc.....

Will those women whose partners cannot stay be overlooked and really struggle because there is even less support available from the midwives/hca's?

Whilst in my case it would have been lovely, I can't help thinking the other 5/6 ladies in the ward may have complained!!!!!!
Yes it would be nice but honestly I think the money is best spent elsewhere

"Dads are there for most of the time anyway,staying over night is Niether here nor there."

I disagree. After 10pm or so, lights are dimmed, communal TVs are turned off or down, people tend to use their phones less etc. If partners were there, even lovely partners, there would be more noise on the wards, more whispered conversations, more to-ing and fro-ing.

Plus there are more staff "about" during the day and with lights on, a better chance of seeing some of the behaviour that's been described on both threads.

I think what they should have however is a mother being allowed if discharge herself for the night without baby, if mother isn't required.

I would have benefited hugely hugely from one nights sleep at home. DH could have stayed over night with LO in hospital.

There should also be an option to allow a person other than partner to stay with you throughout the day.

Fathers wouldn't be necessary on the ward if there was adequate post-natal support. When you've just given birth you need a decent night's sleep and help looking after the baby. This should be part of post-natal care; instead you are left to get in with it, with even less support than you'd have at home. This is cleverly disguised as a chance to "bond" with your baby.

It depends on the question. Most women, if asked directly if they would like their own partners present, would probably say yes, and that it would be a support to them.
However, if the question was if they would like a ward full of other people's partners around overnight, with all that might entail, then the answer might be very different.
Which is, of course, what many posters seem to be saying on here.

Massively bad idea.

Clam I wouldn't have given a monkeys if other partners were there.I was far too knackered and bewildered to care.I also think if I did care it would be a price worth paying.

Not for me. But then, I'm quite self-sufficient and capable, so it wasn't a particular hardship for me for dh to go home. Also, it meant he could get some sleep and be fit for active duty when we all got home.
And, to be fair, both births were very straightforward. But even so, when I was in hospital in a very bad way for a week after emergency surgery last year, it never crossed my mind for dh to be allowed to stay with me. And, as it happened, there was bad weather at the time, and although dh was prepared to drive over to visit with the kids in a blizzard, it was far more sensible to tell them to stay home in the warm.

You probably would care Retropear if you were kept awake by those other partners talking or couldn't use the toilet because there was a partner on there or if you had to listen to an abusive partner trying to coerce a woman who has just given birth to perform a sex act. Or if you were having your catheter changed and a partner put his head round the curtain to tell the nurse his wife needs more water. Or if you had one of those partners watching you while you tried to latch your baby on and do skin to skin and then heard him talking about your attempts to breastfeed in less than supportive tones.

I suspect then you would care very much.

I definitely needed help but I still wouldn't want my partner there overnight.
I needed rest and help, not fussing around.

Well it never happened in the day soooooo why at night?I've been in hospital a lot over the years and never once has somebody poked their head round my curtains.I'm guessing the nursing staff wouldn't all buggar off over night so would be there to oversee this den of iniquity- like they are in the day.

Retropear, the problem was 'staff took forever to come'.

If you had had responsive, kind staff who saw their jobs as doing their utmost to help new mothers who have just had major abdominal surgery to recover from that surgery and at the same time take care of newborn babies, then you would not have had a terrible experience. What is stopping the NHS from tailoring services in maternity care to the actual needs of the patients who use maternity services?

What you had instead of service tailored to your medical needs was the experience of having those needs completely overlooked and you yourself treated as some sort of nuisance.

In no other post op situation would patients be expected to get on with taking care of newborn babies, lift them, feed them adequately -- or take care of anyone else, on their own, in the hospital.

You are simply not allowed to bring your breastfeeding baby with you when you go for removal of an obstetric sponge left behind after birth (happened to my exSIL), gallbladder surgery (my mother), appendix removal, or any other abdominal surgery, and for good reason. You need rest to recover. Yet women who have had surgery (including episiotomy or tears, with resultant stitches) and have gone through an average of maybe 12 hours of labour before having the CS or the massive effort of pushing, and the stitching up, are expected to perform miracles.

Either hospitals are being far too soft on patients in other departments maybe they should be given mops and buckets and put to work cleaning, or maybe they should be put on a cooking rota or hospitals are putting post natal patients through some sort of nasty hazing experience, completely without regard for their actual medical needs.

And dads are not there all the time. After the first baby, dads are often needed elsewhere.

Look, hospitals are not hotels. They are there to care for the sick, not for perfectly healthy partners. With the best will in the world, extra people would be asking for mattresses, extra pillows, water, a place to charge their laptops and so on. I'd rather that the nursing staff were putting their energies into women and their babies.

"I would have benefited hugely hugely from one nights sleep at home. DH could have stayed over night with LO in hospital. "

If you were well enough to go home, unless baby was being observed for something, chances are you both were.

If you then want to book into a travelodge and let DH take the next night, go for it,

And I suspect even with the best will in the world, some dads are about as much use as a bicycle would be to a woman on a post natal ward.

I'll be honest - the one birth I had in hospital, it was all very straightforward. Overnight DD1 slept well. I was able to move around by myself, I only changed one nappy and started breastfeeding.

My very lovely and hands on DH would have stayed if other partners were (and I would've definitely wanted him if there were other partners around, but as it was with no visitors allowed I felt totally fine alone) but he would absolutely not have been needed in any way. Just an extra person using the loo and making noise and taking up space.

So I think you have to add in the partners staying that don't need to be there, just because other partners are there to the list of issues.

Love dh dearly, but I would NOT have been happy to see him elbowing me out of the way for attention. He's a notoriously bad sleeper, and would have wasted no time in letting everyone know about it. I would have almost certainly wanted to whack him round the head with a shovel. Better for all that he wasn't invited!
As it was, after dd arrived, he was saying how he'd have to get home soon to get some sleep, as he was knackered.

Haha, Clam. DD1 was actually born in the morning so DH wasn't kicked out until much later - he spent most of the day's visiting hours asleep on the floor next to my bed!!

At least he was on the floor, and hadn't commandeered the bed.

I had to prise the gas and air nozzle from dh's sticky paws too, as he was having a great time inhaling it!