D'y ever wonder how life got like this?

[FrumpyGrumpy]

New to MN but like what I read so far. Struggling to get by day by day at the minute and feeling isolated but not enough to make the effort to join in the 'groups' the whole world seems to think are just what I need!!!!

Have daughter of 4 and girl and boy twins of eight months. Not had time since they were born when all three kids have been well, am I just cursed? Throw in a house move that took 6 months, a partner that works away most of the week and a mother-in-law I can wait another lifetime to deal with and I've ended up the sort of person I used to look at and wonder how life got like that.

Anyone give me hope that when the babes are eighteen months I'll feel better?!! If not, anyone tell me that alternate nights of gin then chocolate is an ok passage through?

Hiya FG. I wasn't sure if you'd know how to CAT, but glad that you worked it out!

It's not the weather that bothers my two, it's the lack of boob. Actually they are through that now and DT1 is sleeping through consistently. DT2 still getting up at least once, but I have high hopes.

Now that you have my email FG you feel free to moan away lol

Have just moved into my friend's house for the next 2 weeks. We have workman at the back of ours and they are making a heck of a racket... all day! Makes it nigh on impossible for the DTs to sleep in the day... thereby making them a nightmare. It also means that we have no garden. So a lovely friend decided to let us have her house and garden for the fortnight. Wonderful! She gets a housesitter and I get sleeping twins. WIN WIN!

So are they busy making her house look like it has been burgled then, ML? I have been so busy, I haven't been around much, but I will send those clothes off on Friday. On top of everythign else, I've had a couple of website commissions, one down one left to do. The twins are being really good atm though, even the heat isn't bothering them so much this time. Ravi spends most of the day laughing at one thing or another.

Hope you found the kitchen ok, FG.

Glad you're feeling a bit better Triplets. Wish I could give you a hug, it sounds like you could do with one right now.

Hi Kelly, you do so well I am in awe! Found the kitchen but it wasn't very friendly, thats absolutely the last time I treat it nicely!

Sent stuff today Mars, box too small, Post Office had shut down (can they do that!!) but its on its way and its something anyway.

Its weird this life. DT2 is teething really badly. This bedtime is worse than usual because he is in his cot just crying (usually goes down a treat and sleeps all night) and I can't do much about it ATM because I've got to get the girls done and he's had everything I can give him except more cuddles. Think he's getting two eye teeth at the same time. He's such a good sleeper and cried a lot of the night and right now (loud as I type!) since I put him down. About to get the girls on their road. Anyway, the weird thing is today I breezed through (I know its not over). Same set of issues, same stresses, same kids but it all bounced off me and I only had one glass of wine at 5pm.

I wish I understood. Tomorrow could be back to feeling like its all more than I can manage. Its great and its sad. Great it comes along and sad it doesn't last. Why the change and why do I get propelled back down when I least expect it?

Oh well, lets be happy for today for tomorrow isn't here.

That sounds a bit down as I reread and it wasn't meant that way. Wish I could type something extremely witty to expel the dullness but my Tommy Cooper head is having a lazy dinner with my beautiful one.

lol fg.

How do you work that if one is screaming at night? Mine usually go down well, but if one of them makes so much as a murmur at night I have to run to them before he gets his brother up. I worry that I'm setting up a bad habit for later.

Its really hit or miss. When we first moved house they were 5 months and often woke up I think just because everything was different and I'd just moved them to their own rooms and cots. DT1 then teethed badly and cried so much at night that DT2 woke all the time but then I think he got used to hearing her. I ignored him if I knew he was only crying because she woke him. I had to try controlled crying etc in case she was in some habit. He now cries if he hears her but only at certain times of night when he's in a lighter sleep. She's the same. This only works at night though!

At night I tried rushing in so they didn't wake the other or DD1 but I am on my own so much that some nights they were all up at the same time and there was no hope of keeping them all quiet! Now I wait to hear if the crying is going to get serious and I only go in if it does. Its taken time but it seems to be working for now. Last night both DTs woke crying through the night at different times but I just lay and listened and they fell back asleep after a few minutes.

I jumped right in every time with DD1 as a baby and stayed up for hours soothing her if she was ill. She's still a bad sleeper!!! My rule now is as little attention at night as possible and it worked with DT2 instantly and DT1 seemes finally to be getting the message!

God, if kids knew we made up the rules as we go along they'd make mush of us!

I sometimes wish I was alone at night, then I would be able to leave them longer if they cried, DH elbows me awake if they get too loud...he learning to go see them himself sometimes now though. This heat isn't helping, Edward was up all of last night nearly, felt like I was goin insane, had to walk away before I did something I regretted, he'd fall asleep on my shoulder then wake as soon as I put him down, then fall asleep on his front and wake just as I was dropping off. I think baby monitors make you go insane, amplify the noise so you dash in. Problem is with Edward on his front now, (no point putting him on his back he just rolls), I worry about smothering, so I'm straight in as soon as he yells. I think as it gets cooler, they'll sleep longer (I hope ).

Down to my mums tonite, 3 hour drive, hope they snooze for some of it, but not sure what to do about feeds - feed before we leave, and hope they drop off in car seats or feed halfway down motorway, or feed when we get there? So much to think about for one simple weekend away.

My birthday tomorrow, DH and I skint so no pressie from him! Wonder if the boys have got me anything?!

Better do some work, but too hot, and just passing time until I have to go home and finish the packing.

Happy birthday for tomorrow Meely.

I get the elbow as soon as Ravi starts, cos he still wakes up sometimes for a night feed. He makes lovely groaning noises and dp is panickign that he will wake Akshay and so he will have to get up. Akshay sleeps thru. I'm sure Ravi wud go back to sleep half the time if I left him. But he is getting better anyway, he's slept thru the past two nights. I don't think I have anything to moan about compared to you lot, I need to shut my mouth and be grateful!

And so after the high, today I get the low. Was one minute singing and dancing in the kitchen making my kids giggle. Then I shouted at DD for something, she deserved a telling off but I shouted too loudly. Then I realised the window was open and the man next door in his garden . Now I'm in tears with embarrassment because we moved here recently and he doesn't know that I'm actually wonderful inside just dealing with a bit more than I can handle. He just hears the loony that can't handle herself. Kind of had enough and so much don't want to admit that I need more help. I'm so independent. Always have been and it hurts not to be able to do it alone. Worst thing is I will die within myself if I have to go to the doctors and take some stupid bottle of pills to make me ok. Anyone know how I can speak to the doc about all this without them documenting it on my file? I know the girls on reception and my doc personally and it is unbearable. Thought I'd see another doc in the practice but I couldn't bear it on my file for them all to see and know. Quite disgusted with myself and crying . Sorry girls .

hello fg.

PND can be a bugger like that! I really wouldn't worry about the man next door. I'm sure he thought nothing of it. He's prob still in awe of the twins (like most people do) and I'm sure he can understand you letting off steam. Everyone with kids gets like that sometimes, whenever I see mums like that I can only sympathise.

I doubt if you could see another GP without a note neing put on your file. Te only way I can think to get round it is if you went private. Prob be very expensive though. Or try herbal remedies such as st johns wort.

I understand how you feel. My GP was newly qualified when my brother was born (I was 3). He did his 6 week check and my baby brother pissed over he shoulder and down his front. He was my gp from then til I moved away 2 years ago. I just broke down out of the blue one time in front of him, not even intending to talk about feeling low. Before I had felt so ashamed of not coping. I had a beautiful, perfect dd I didnt see how I had the right to feel depressed!

I was very reluctant to take ads but my gp explained to me that it was jsut the same as any other medical condition - you can't necessarily control it and medicine makes it better! So I started thinking of it as some sort of a virus which made me feel a lot better.

You know that you need soem help, and you will feel so much better for getting it. I hope you can find some. You coem across as such a funny and happy person, you deserve to be that person all of the time. x x x x

Thank you Kelly, wise words and beautiflly put.

I'm slowly beginning to feel like I will need to go to the docs. Have been taking St, Johns Wort in my herbal stuff for a few months and thought it helped at the start but not anymore. I will really feel I'm letting myself down to go because I fought so hard against doing it last time and got my own way in the end (I'm just a little strong willed and stubborn!! ).

Its just getting there that's going to be hard. Its so easy to avoid making the call, especially when you know you are going to cry and make yourself feel a fool in getting it all out. I think I said before that once I've been crying I turn a shade of red that Po from Teletubbies would be proud of.

Think I will try to take one step at a time. I am beginning to accept I need to go, next I must build myself up to the visit and it will have to be when I'm at my strongest.

Thanks Kelly, the bit about deserving to be like that all the time got me in the throat but I try to convince myself its just hayfever eyes .

Anyway, how are you and your brood of funky chickens?

Hello,

We're all fine thx. Akshay has turned into a Klingon - won't let me put him down for a minute, jsut starts screaming. Ravi is lovely tho, smiles and laughs loads, very content. They are 4 mnths soon, got to start seriously thinkign about weaning - going to be so much fun! I'm really looking forward to the summer break now, no more school runs and will be able to take the kids on days out.

I check in most days if you ever want to chat or CAT me. Take care of yourself. x

HI FG

I have made the step that you want to take...I made an apt with doc for next tuesday. I have no idea what I'm going to say or how to even start to tell her what I'm feeling, but we'll cross that bridge when I get there. Important bit was picking up the phone. i realised finally I needed to yesterday, we'd just got back from a weekend away - had a lovely time, really relaxed, boys got spoiled by family, but yesterday afternoon, was building up to feeding them, bottles on to warm, and I was just quickly dashing about to get a load of washing on before I started, plus got them some clean bibs out, been up and down stairs a few times, when I realised I'd forgotten to bring the bibs down on the last trip....I got that mad with myself for being forgetful I thumped both fists down on the stairs on my way up and let out a loud yell. I now have a bruise on my right wrist which hurts and is a reminder of how stupid I was. I know thats not normal behaviour, so what if I forgot the bibs, no big deal, but at the time it really wound me up. I wonder if it's PND or just anger management issues. I feel ready to go at anytime, someone just needs to flip the switch.

I will let you know how I got on. Dh being a bit better too which helps, but also means he isn't completely to blame for my mood swings....he can be being great and I'll still have an outburst, so maybe the issue is depression. Horrid to admit it as I'm usually such a strong person and was so in control before the boys came along....I wonder why motherhood is so beyond me - I wonder if it's because I was so independent and organised that I have fallen to pieces because babies don't just slot into your lifestyle, maybe the chaos of having them around has upset the way I used to live and so the way my body is responding is to panic....messy house ahhhh! less than 8 hours sleep ahhhh! I wonder if disorganised women cope better with being mothers as their lifestyle has no routine to be upset, the baby is just another aspect of their life which creates more mess and chaos, so they cope.

maybe I was actually quite an uptight person before and didn't realise!

Anyway the point of that whole post was to say FG, do it, we are all behind you, make the call, talk to someone get it off your chest and begin to feel the pressure releasing....

Kelly and Meely, ah girls, the power of the female! Totally supportive and understanding. Madly today I feel great, plenty energy, cheery, kids making me giggle, me making them giggle. I think its maybe the nature of the beast, you feel great and think you were just making something out of nothing and then it crumbles.

Meely, good for you honey for making the appointment. Let us know when and how you get on. When I had dd and suspected I had PND about 7 months later I bought the book "Surviving Post Natal Depression - At Home No-one Hears You Scream" by Cara Aitken. (Off Amazon so I didn't have to go out!). It was good for me because it clarified that I was not alone in my feelings, that my feelings were PND and its written in a way that makes it easy to just read a little at a time in almost any order. I often have no concentration when I'm at a low point and this made it helpful. It was self diagnosis but I just armed myself with the book, kept my head down and pushed through. It might help Meely.

I still read it but I could do with a version that included having more than one child - it says to sleep as often as possible but when my babies sleep my dd is desperate for me to do something with her alone and she so needs that. I jump on here for a quickie though and that really does help.

Anyway my sleeping babies are coughing and not sleeping so I best run about applying lipstick, baking apple pie and making the house a home, er sorry, that should read take the pooey nappy sacks downstairs, decide if my kids are nutritionally challenged if I give them frozen fish fingers and not home made and do a wee that I've been meaning to do for a couple of hours .

By the way, can anyone else do that? Hold on to a wee for aaaaaaages? I mean hours. Is it normal? I'd love to think I have a most beautiful pelvic floor but I suspect its lack of water........

I hold onto wee's for hours too, but it's not good for you, I'm prone to cystitus and can kick it off sometimes which would not be good with two little uns to look after. Have you tried feeding while sat on the loo!

I shall look out for that book, would you say it would be helpful for DH to read it too? I know he doesn't understand at any level how I'm feeling, so would be nice if I could leave a book lying around conveniently for him to see and perhaps read when I'm not looking. He may at least the get a taster of what I'm going through and perhaps realise I'm not making it up.

Yeah Meeely, it has a section for what its like for partners. Maybe if he feels he has a part to play he might come round a bit. Not that we want him feeling like he's in need really!!!

You still around Mars or are you living the high life in your friends house!!! Does she have floors that don't crunch when you walk over them and handles that aren't sticky and dry toilet seats? Does she? Does she? ......

Night all, peaceful nights all round I hope.

Hi FG.

That's what her house was like before we moved in lol.

Thanks so much for the clothes. Gosh but they were/are rather lovely. She'll have them next week.. Very generous of you babe.

Hi Kelly, how's it hanging?

Hello Meely.

Am off on my hols on Sunday. Looking forward to a couple (more) weeks away from home. Popped home today and the noise of the drills etc drove me bonkers. I was there about 5 mins collecting my mail.

Kisses to all the twins.

You're welcome Mars, tried to pick out the best of what was there. Might be falling apart at the seams personally but thats something I can do and its always good to focus on the positives (blah blah bl*dy blah its what the books say!!!).

Well girls, did I not just build myself up to a great height and with great difficulty to make the call, and I made the call, and I couldn't do it so I arranged a smear test (which is massivley overdue so thats a plus!), and the voice in my head said "bl*dy well do it" and I asked for an appointment and the only doctor I thought I could possibly talk to IS ON MATERNITY LEAVE FOR 6 MONTHS!!!!

That leaves me:
(a) my female doc who is so-so, business like, and I don't want to because I know her
(b) the male doc who is grumpy and business like
(c) the female doc who is panicky and mouselike
(d) do nothing again

What do you reckon?

I could say this is so typical of my luck but that would be negative so I'll settle for 'it happened for a reason'.

FG - surely talking to any doctor is better than none? My apt is with a recently qualified doc, who has, on the last 2 times I've seen her with the boys, called in another doc to take a look too as she 'wasn't sure'. I'm dubious, but just want to get my feelings off my chest to someone willing to listen and who can possibly help. I wouldn't worry about the doc 'knowing' you, these are professional people - she's hardly going to sneak off to talk about you behind her hand - she will have seen situations like this ALL the time, she will not judge.

Let us know if you decide to make that all important call again...

DH cleaned out the kitchen cupboards last night! Admittedly while i was trying to prepare baby dinners for the freezer, but hey they have to start somewhere!

Meeely girl you are talking sense, I'm in the mood to call now!! 2 glasses of wine have helped! I'm bl**dy gona call tomorrow. Having a tough night hence the wine. When is your appt? Your DH aint too bad then! How long have you been married?

My apt is on tuesday in the morning, may try and work from home afterwards and get some peace and quiet.

We been married nearly two years, been together for 4. He's younger than me too and our boys weren't planned so think he's still struggling to give up his freedom and realise he's a dad now.

He's great with the boys, loves them to bits, but when they are difficult he doesn't cope very well, much like me, so when we both getting wound up we tend to take it out on each other.

Hope you didn't have TOO much wine, hows the head?

bump, anyone around?

FG - made the appointment yet?

Ooooh haven't made the appointment, seems when I have the courage they're always shut and when they're open I'm convincing myself not to. I'm such a moobag.

Anyway, how did it go today?

went well - I did cry, which I wasn't expecting, I thought I'd go in and just reel off a list of things that have happened or a list of things I've been feeling and she wouldn't be convinced there was anything wrong, but the minute I started to talk I burst into tears!

Anyway, she wasn't convinced I had PND, more stress and a mild depression caused by the stress, so has referred me to a local support group who will contact me direct to arrange an appointment where I can talk to someone else about everything at length, plus my HV has contacted me to arrange a home visit so she can work with me to improve my routine with the boys and hopefull take some of the causes of stress away.

However DT1 has started being sick with every milk feed in last few days and thats stressing me out, as I'm really worried he's going to bed hungry and therefore will wake in the night again, when I've only just got them both sleeping through.

I thought I had their routine sussed, but spanner well and truly in the works now...