D'y ever wonder how life got like this?

[FrumpyGrumpy]

New to MN but like what I read so far. Struggling to get by day by day at the minute and feeling isolated but not enough to make the effort to join in the 'groups' the whole world seems to think are just what I need!!!!

Have daughter of 4 and girl and boy twins of eight months. Not had time since they were born when all three kids have been well, am I just cursed? Throw in a house move that took 6 months, a partner that works away most of the week and a mother-in-law I can wait another lifetime to deal with and I've ended up the sort of person I used to look at and wonder how life got like that.

Anyone give me hope that when the babes are eighteen months I'll feel better?!! If not, anyone tell me that alternate nights of gin then chocolate is an ok passage through?

I was married to an older man, the father of my ds and dd. there was a 12 year age gap, and it was really difficult. I left him while I was pg with ds. I think you must be amazing to be working hard at ur relationship and have triplets! Any relationship takes work, but I think an age gap can add to it.

I had a really bad day yesterday. i don't know if it was the heeat or what, but dt2 was really unsettled all day. It only got to 8am and everythign was on top of me I really couldn't deal with it. I got an email yesterday to tell me that a tma is due in on Tuesday, which I thought I had another week to complete. Bloody OU had a guideline submission date of soemwhere within a fortnight. The house was a s*hole and I had three phone calls to make which is bloody hard with four kids running around. ds is ill again. I ended up rowing with dp in the morning and he turned round and came home again (in a furious mood) but helped me get on top again a bit. It's so easy for it all to fly out of control.

Oh Kelly, poor you hope today is better. Harry has just taken all three down to the beach, the house is an unbeliavable mess so here I am on my coffee break, will end up packing a pidnic and cycling down to them, its not fair on the kids although I notice no-one said is Mummy coming!

hi triplets.

I hope it's lovely on the beach despite all the hard work. Are you sure you can't just drop the lunches off and then pop back to laze in the garden on your own?

Hi all,
Well I went to the beach and at least the children were pleased to see me. It was sooooo lovely, the tide going out, lots of sand appearing and wonderful rock pools. Thomas and I found lots of crabs, he just loves it. So it was worth it for the kids sake, and it is therapeutic there. Tonight he is just as grumpy, so the kids are all in bed, I have asked them to be good and for once they all are. Fathers Day tomorrow, mine died 4 years ago and I miss him so much, he is buried in front of Matthew, so its a double sadness, my Dads not here and Matthews not here for his dad, I just hate it all at times, the awful fact that there is nothing I can do to bring Matthew and my old life back. I am trying so hard but times like this I feel I am losing.

Hi triplets. Sounds like the beach did you some good. I find it a fabulous place for sorting the world out. And its beautiful whatever the weather. Well, except the odd shoe. I didn't know about Matthew and how painful that must be. Is it difficult that your three didn't know him? I sometimes wish for my old life back too and its the toughest thing knowing its out of reach. You sound like such a fab mum, you cycle and everything!! Last time I cycled I went straight into the back of a parked car. Couldn't do hills and bends at the same time!

Hi every1,
Hope things are lookign better for every1. I also find the seaside therapeutic, but it's over an hours drive away now! My dts are still playing me up merry hell, due to the heat - they don't liek it at all. I've been stripping them down to their nappy most of the time, but they like to be swaddled to sleep, which is causing probs. I feel a bit more on top of things now tho. Did a pg test jsut to reassure myself too, which was thanfully -ve.

Hi Kelly, congratultions on the non preg!! How's the OU stuff or should I not mention?? Filled my wine glass to recharge for a quick half hour after getting all into bed and before I start on the clean up. Now DT2 woke - don't you just hate that!!!

ah FG, what happened here was that the DTs were falling asleep, then they got their second wind and are currently awake and loving it! Me I have wine chilling in the fridge and it doesn't look like we are going to meet tonight.

DT1 wandering around crying cos I took the comb away from her. How evil am I?

Triplets, thinking of you at this time. I hope you managed to have a good day yesterday with your trio and DH.

Know what you mean about the heat kelly. Driving my two potty!

Ah, gona refil the glass cos it went down tooo easily but hey life too short. Garden man working across the road again today but I made sure I was nowhere near a window cos he smiles too nicely. Mars, cheers to you honey.

Hi all,
God you lot are my life line at times! Another grumpy evening, it should have been a pleasant one, my neighbours, the childrens godparents celebrated the silver wedding a/v today. The trio were at Beavers from 6-7.30pm, and we had been invited round for a glass of champagne at 6pm. All was well until the trio came back, high as kites and Harry goes off in a huff! Do you think it could be the male menopause because its driving me nuts! Hello Frumpygrumpy, I don`t feel that my three never knew Matthew, I have always spoken about him to them, and they are forever asking me if "Matthew went here, did Matthew like those" etc. Its just so very very hard trying to live this new life but forever feeling that half of me is in the old one still, thinking about it, wanting it, missing it so dreadfully. And no matter how many times I have tried to put my feelings down on here it never comes over as being how very very raw and awful it is. I miss him so much, yesterday Fathers Day, no Matthew, it all just stabs at my heart until there are times I feel I could truly die from a broken heart. I have tried so very hard since that morning, June 2nd 1994, to get on with my life, to not let let Matthews sudden unexplainable death ruin my life. I have battled, I have Rebecca, Thomas and James who are so beautiful and special, but......it never ever takes away the pain, the sad sad memories that suddenly fill my head when I am cooking, ironing, anytime. I know I will never get over it, never, I shall live this new life as well as I can, but I know in my heart that I shall never feel fully happy again, its like having your heart shattered into thousands of tiny pieces, gradually they all start to fit back together again, but they never do fit as they were, and the heart feels heavy like a weight, always edged with sadness, and I get so very tired of it, the endlessness of it all. Because I can never ever have what I want, I want my beautiful Matthew, my first born son. Oh Matthew, how I miss youxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi triplets

I'm sorry that it was so hard for you. And I'm sorry that I have no words of comfort for you. You may find help on the bereavement threads. Not that I want you to leave us here, I just feel so inadequate to reach you in your pain.

FG, the wine stayed in the fridge until after 11pm. The DTs didn't go to bed until just after 11pm last night. Couldn't believe it!!!!!!!!! They were running on empty, but still running. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.... Really enjoyed that glass I can tell you. [weary]

hello every1,
triplets, your post is so sad and beautifully put. I can't imgaine what it must be like to lose an only child. I think it's lovely your family still have his memories in your day to day lives tho, it's wonderful that the triplets have had a chance to get to know their big brother.
I dunno about the male menopause, it sounds like a typical man thing to me!!

hi fg, thanks for the congrats, I'm enjoying every min of this non pg. I got the TMA done, just got a months worth of law to catch up on now. Oh well, will get there eventually.

I think Ravi has started teething (maybe bit early?) He started 4am feeds again, dribbling like mad and a very sore bottom. They are both getting very strong willed at holding out for what they want. I was trying to wind ravi yesterday and he jsut stood bolt upright on my lap refused to bend at all. screamed his head off until I got him his blanket. They are both serious blanket addicts!

well done kelly. I have so much respect for you getting all that done, cos I know it isn't easy.

Hi everyone,
Feeling better today, long may it last.Its so nice to know you are all out there, at least this way I can express myself when I so need to, thank you.

Glad we can be ears for you triplets. I find it a huge help letting off a bit steam here with those who share similar. My mum thinks my dad is having a male menopause by the way, I think it does exist.

Triplets
I think about Matthew sometimes when I look at my DD and think how important she is to me. I can't begin to imagine the grief you must feel. Take what you want, says god, take it and pay for it. Except that some people seem to pay so much more than others...

Yes, I do feel as though I have paid for it, I always dreamed of having a daughter, I am one of 5, 4 brothers! I remember saying to a friend one day a long time ago, "the biggest regret of my life will be never to have known my daughter". Well afer 20 years of marriage I have my Rebecca, I canot tell you how much I love her. But I am also so aware of the fact that if Matthew had not died she would not be here. Its strange too that Rebecca was always the name I had chosen if ever she came along, and I cannot remember ever making a point of telling Matthew that. Some of you may remember that Matthew had written a poem 4 months before he died, it was about the stages of a mans life from birth til death. In it he says
"you have a few children called Rebecca and John
who go on the journey that you have just gone"
At the time he wrote that it didn`t really bother me much except that I thought he saw life as perhaps not being all it was cracked up to be. Four days after he died I remembered the poem and when I re-read it it really really got to me,also Matthews best friend was called Jonathon, but he always called him John, and John read Matthews poem out at his church service. All seems such a very long time ago..........

Hi girls, anyone want my legs? Could maybe swap for something handy like hoover bags, strepsils, or wine. Never liked them and we're just not getting on anymore. Bit wobbly in the upper thigh region but they try hard.

swap your legs for my belly?

I need to swap my legs and my belly, and prob my boobs too by the time I've finished feeding these horrors. I don't really care any more, I'm a size bigger but I just bought a new wardrobe and keep everythign covered up.

How is everyone anyway? My dts are geting more fun by the day. They are paying a lot more attention to each other, if I hold them up facing it each other they smile and 'talk' to each other. They seme to have shouting matches - see who can be loudest. I'm tempted to get a couple of bumbos and leave them to it.

DP has taken them with him to get the car fixed today, I'm doign another tma due in next week, and I really don't understand it at all. I don't want to study!!

kelly, don't know how you manage to study and look after your children. my dt's are now 2 1/2yrs and I still have trouble staying awake every evening. Certainly couldn't manage to study!!! well done. Am wondering if my boys are having a growth spurt as they have done nothing but eat and sleep since thursday. they usually eat very little. Oliver is also getting very stroppy. He is throwing tantrums and stropping all the time. Am scared that he is just copying his older brother, as he still screams like a 2yr old! aargh!!!!! sorry to ramble on....... hope you are all doing okay

Hi all,
its 04.30am, up since 3am, can`t sleep. Lots on my mind. Kids have been such a handful this last week, not going to sleep til gone 10pm every night, Harry doing lots of shouting, aaghhh!Been feeling very low, not good at this time of the year. Now I feel sick!

I could fall asleep most of the time if I put my head down, so I jsut keep going instead! TMA all done, that's 9 done 5 to go. I'm getting there. Got another driving lesson 2n too, really lookign forward to it now. Dreaded them at first, but been allowed out on the main roads so becomign a little more confident. I had a s* week last week, but hopefully things are getting better.

The dts have learnt the meaning of 'bedtime' I've got a little routine going and been able to put them down awake for the last three nights and they've gone to sleep in their cots at a reasonable time. It's been heaven to watch a bit of telly and eat tea in peace again. I'm jsut desperately hoping it will last. They are quite nice at the moment, at the nice interesting stage of playng but not actually being able to get anywhere to cause havoc and destruction and thankfully too young for tantrums. ds1 manages enough of them for me to deal with.

Triplets, are u ok? I spent a whole night last week throwing up. There is somethign going abotu and it isn't nice.

Hi Kelly,
Still feling sicky but have not thrown up...........yet! Very tired, just having 10mins on here in peace and quiet as my trio have gone to Beavers until 7.30pm, then they come home starving!

kelly - highly recommend a pair of bumbos. we have them and the boys love them, and like you say they can sit facing each other and smile. Not had much use recently, both boys had chicken pox, edward a lot worse than arthur, but we over the worst now and on the mend.

Triplets, sounds to me like u need a holiday, on your own....I'm still dropping hints to my DH that for my 30th next year he sends me to Scotland for the weekend alone to be me and read books and enjoy a four poster double bed to myself....sounds selfish, but I spend my life thinking of everyone else, thats going to be my weekend.....