D'y ever wonder how life got like this?

[FrumpyGrumpy]

New to MN but like what I read so far. Struggling to get by day by day at the minute and feeling isolated but not enough to make the effort to join in the 'groups' the whole world seems to think are just what I need!!!!

Have daughter of 4 and girl and boy twins of eight months. Not had time since they were born when all three kids have been well, am I just cursed? Throw in a house move that took 6 months, a partner that works away most of the week and a mother-in-law I can wait another lifetime to deal with and I've ended up the sort of person I used to look at and wonder how life got like that.

Anyone give me hope that when the babes are eighteen months I'll feel better?!! If not, anyone tell me that alternate nights of gin then chocolate is an ok passage through?

Kelly, you've done really well and even got your pc all connected again so we can hear about it all! Happy New House! I'm sending a card in my head for you.

Teething......aaaaargh. When I had dd I blissfully though it was something that they had for a couple of weeks and then it was done, little did I know!!! Just this very moment DT2 has woken crying so I'll have to go (alone all week this and next). His molars I think, 2 in and 2 to go. Bum. Later girlies.

I'm not that good - I'm on a laptop and on dial up (shudder). The dts thinkt hat hte trailign wires everywhere are great fun.

The desk is in bits in the lounge. I should borrow mars' desk The desk wont fit in the lounge. I want a dining table now, so the desk is going to have to be relegated to the bedroom, and I will have to use a nasty lap top in the lounge. I hate laptops. But at least I get to sit in the sun.

I'm sure the first two never made this much fuss teething. Yesterday was great fun. Silly mummy buggered up the lights, had to call an emergancy electrician. dd was hialrious - did that fall down or did u break it, mummy? They spent all day int he garden. amazign how long a couple of biukes could keep them entertained. Plus a bird eating berries, which had them in hysterics for some reason! Oh and the snail brought in to show me - 'mum, i think i've found a snail!' YUCK! it is all so new to them. def spent too long in the city. God knows how long it is going to take me to get used to the quiet and the dark tho!

Oooh I'm on dial up too (or rather turn the handle at the back and hope for the best clockwork). One day I'll get round to broadband and I actually fancied a laptop so it could follow me wherever I needed to be - does it have disadvantages then?

I love when kids are young enough you can fool them into thinking the problem had nothing to do with you. Like when I stalled the car at the lights last week, and on a very steep hill, and under time pressure, and dd said "it doesn't do that when dad drives" (grrrr, it does y'know!). I said it was because we'd been stopping and starting a lot and the car was getting a bit hot and thats why the engine had shut down for a mo!! Nothing to do with getting my pants in a tangle at all .

Had a big huge walk in the sun this morning to get some fresh air and exercise. It was lovely and knackered me. I'm having an extremely frumpy time and just hating how I look. I'm really fine but its how you feel inside and its knocked what little confidence I was getting. Wish Trinny and Suzannah would come and shove my floppy boobs into something more me.

Ah well, must stop moping, nearly school run time. Happy days one and all.

Kelly we have squirrels that play all over the climbing frame and slide and the DTs just adore watching them. Your garden sounds like a perfect thing for your two older ones and I bet it gets lots of smooth snow in the winter which they will just adore. AAAARGH, I said the W word. Don't look and it wont happen. .

noo, not the w word. Mine seem to have had constant colds as it is.

I can't do with laptops as I dont get on with the keyboard or the nipple mousy thing. I can't type as it is without a flat keyboard where I can't feel the keys.

I love that excuse about the caR, that is brilliant. now why didn't I think of something like that. i have no imagination.

also if it makes u feel better, i am sitting here in checked pink pj bottoms, a hollywood tshirt with hair dye stains and uncombed hair stuck back in a scrunchie. I'm just hoping no one comes to the door!!

and trinny and susanna are stuck up cows.

god i sound noody! lol. it is abrupt cos of the keyboard!! I keep typing in caps then having to redo it.

moody even I need to get out of the house!

Kelly you stylish mama! Thanks for sharing and PMSL at T & S comment .

Kids permitting, I'm going to soak in a bath and use a hair mask thing and do lotion after and might even file my raggy fingernails. Its so unusual for me to be this organised (brekkie stuff laid out, school stuff done, wash on etc) at this time of the night so I'm gona take full advantage.

Only prob is my bathroom is right through the wall to DT1's room and I'm sure running water will wake her...... wish me luck.

Sleep well all frazzled mamas.

Hello
I thought I would come on here and introduce myself - I am expecting ID twin girls in February and I already have a dd who will be 2 in December. I have been lurking for a while and your stories about your twins either make me laugh or terrify me!! Hopefully I will be able to pick up a few tips before they arrive.

welcome JuA.

Good to hear that you're all moved in Kelly.... but if I could say just 1 thing...?

keep your hands off my desk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dunno FG...... I just felt I needed to be as one with my people lol.

The DTs are going through an incredibly sweet stage when out in public. At home, however, DT2 is beating up his wee sister. Goes around comes around. It was her bothering him before lol.

Right... babysitter's here and I'm off walking.

Still waiting to hear back from OU about my course. Can't wait to sit and study at my desk!!

Hope we don't scare you too much JuA!

Hey Mars, I'm hoping for an early night so I wake looking like a princess in the morning (HABLOODYHAHA!!) but do tell about your night out, I'm always intrigued to hear what the real world has to offer and always pleased someone has more get up and go than me . Me - I'm home alone AGAAAAIIIIN, however, it pays the bills and we can't have it all ways. My DTs are chasing each other and laughing and its lovely. Nearly always ends in tears but its hilarious while it lasts. How long til your move? (Can I ask how the carpal tunnel [sp?]is, you mentioned it on another thread while back?)

Welcome JuA, how's your belly? I wonder if it looks like mine (just eaten 2 bags of crisps and a Turkish Delight , it was kind of like a rollercoaster, just couldn't get off once I'd started). You can see we talk about big important serious issues on here so no idle chit chat please. And don't even think about breaking down and moaning cos we none of us ever, ever, do that - esp not me . Glad you've joined us.

Going to slipslide off to the shower and bed, peaceful nights all x.

Hi FG

Went walking. One of my friends said that it was gonna rain so after a while we went to the pub.

Then we came home in the pouring rain lol

We had a lovely walk, but then we always do.

hi juA, congrats on the pg. Make the most of your freedom while it lasts!

aaaww mars, but its going to take 5-6 weeks for my dining table to come. I've got a shiny new laptop and no table to put it on.

hello fg, you're not alone - I never go out neither!!

My dts have finally settled down in the new house. They have been a lot happier the past few days. They are both babbling away. I'm a lot happier now they are. Just waiting for dd to start school now, seems to be takign ages for the application.

Hi, how are you all? tried to read back over all the messages but gave up. are any of you going to the christmas do? I haven't been to a christmas do for ???????? 11 years.....

hello,

I'm not going to the meetup, but I wiah I was now!

Me and dp got out thurs, was so nice - only the second time we've left the dts. Just sat in a bar and had soem food and quite a few cocktails.

Plus, Ravi has started to crawl. He is sort of half crawling on hands and knees and half commando style, but he's gettign where he wants to go - to cause havoc. I felt sorry for akshay who has only recently mastered sitting so I bought him a baby walker and he is loving it. Now'll they'll be able to chase each other around the lounge.

also, dd starts her new school tomo, so fingers crossed for her.

Hi kelly, hope your dd gets on well at her new school today. I'm sure she will. Girls love it when a new girl starts in their class, they will all want to be friends with her.

dd had a great first day, she looked really scared when I first left her, but by the time I went to pick her up she looked bright and happy and was running on about the children she had been playing with. Now have to sort out ds.

Glad she had a good day. Where are you hoping to send your ds?

oh good. I'm glad she had a good first day.

DT1 was always 2 weeks behind DT1 with crawling, walking etc. However, he always looked like he had just started whereas I think she took the 2 weeks to study well and to perfect her moves. She has always looked as though she had been crawling and walking since birth lol

Don't bother reading the whole thing toomany... just jump right in!

How goes it FG? and Triplets?

I haven't sorted a place for ds yest. I've got the hv comign to see him, and then he will prob get referred to be assessed or something, I'm nto really sure how it works. But I think it is best to find out what help he does need before starting nursery. He isn't quite right.

my dts seem a lot further apart. I think maybe ravi has the brawn and akshay has the brains. Akshay sits there like a little old man, legs crossed, blanket in one hand waffling away to himself or anyone who will listen. He sat a good month or two behind ravi. Ravi is gettign really good now, up on his hands and knees properly. He is all jerky - looks so funny scuttling across the floor.

Hi girls, Kelly whats up with ds? Glad your dd had a good start at school and hope it keeps going like that.

Have sickness and runny bottoms in my house. DD1 a very mild case, DT1 spouting both ends regularly and her poo is bright yellow (!!!) and so strong it can almost remove the hair inside my nostrils!! Anyone have experience of this? I blame teething for most things but this....... Trying to keep DT2 healthy as I don't think my washing machine can take much more .

I'm a bit worried (not like me at all!). I have always been fairly strict with DD1 and since the babes came along I have expected her to do a lot more for herself. She is really a lovely, lovely kid, very compassionate (at 4.5), very caring and thoughtful. I hear myself narking at her sometimes and I know its because I'm p*** off with myself (e.g. having 10 extra minutes in bed and making us run late). I hear myself shout at her when I'm really just wound up with the demands on me at the one time. She seems to get the brunt of all my frustration and I just hate myself for it. In truth there is very little she does that deserves a telling off. I heard myself giving her a telling off yesterday for running all over the muddy grass outside school and covering her shoes in mud. Lying in bed last night I could have just cried thinking about it. She's just being a kid, thats what school shoes are for. I get my knickers in such a twist about the smallest things. Today on the way to school without any prompting she said that if one of her friends ran on the grass she'd say "my mum says......". Inside I crumpled and felt like saying "darling go an run in the mud and enjoy it". I'm a frustrated old bitch who is sad that I have zero patience and sad that I never have the right moment free to spend with her.

At parents night her teacher said how great she was doing and what keen a learner she is. I asked what she was like around the other kids because she's always been more comfortable with adults. She said she mixed with the quieter kids and was not the sort of girl to push in. I have always seen her as that girl, from a little baby. At home she sings and dances and larks about and makes us laugh but with other kids she is the opposite. I know her school day exhausts her because of all the concentrating and thinking she does around the other kids - the school work comes naturally, the social time is hard for her.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel responsible for the way she is. I'm sitting here with tears pouring down my face because I feel responsible for her being cautious, not as confident as other kids, not being the kid that says "hey, its my turn now". I try to tell myself it doesn't work like that. My mum was adopted and we always laugh about how you can see that her mum is not a blood relation, that no matter how she was brought up there are things that her mum does that my mum would never do.

Does any of this makes sense? Are any of you still awake? I'm typing quick and not reading what I'm writing.

Inside I hurt a lot about our relationship and how its changed. I used to have so much time and patience and now...... I miss our relationship and I feel I grieve for it. Then when I do make time to do something with her I still feel under time pressure and then feel I shouldn't have done it since she'll feel that.

I feel when the DTs hit a more settled age 2.5 or 3+, DD1 will be an older girl who maybe doesn't want to have a silly mum again who'll lark about at the pool or the ducks or play on the swings. I feel I'm losing her.

So sorry to go on. Gotta go an get a tissue or the keys on this keyboard will get a snot shower sometime very soon, have worked myself up into a big cry now.

Haven't been seeing the counselling woman because I felt I had nothing to say after 10 minutes. I don't think she has kids (you can just tell) and therefore, I felt, no real understanding of the daily stresses (e.g. while cooking dinner you are doing laundry and making a phone call with DT1 crying and more runny poo, DT2 crying because he wants a cuddle too, DD1 wondering where she fits in and the noise level going upwards).

OH I don't know where all this came from. Feel free to skip this conversation, I'll wake up tomorrow and pretend it didn't happen.

Girls, take a deep breath before you read my post, pour a drink and visit the loo......

If you want to wake up tomorrow and pretend you never wrote it you can, but your thread brought a tear to my eye.

I think I know exactly what you are talking about. DD and I had a very special relationship which has changed so much since ds was born and more so since the dts were born. I've had plenty of times when I've gotten ratty at her, and not allowed her to do things because I'm stressed or because it creates more work and I don't have the time to deal with it. She had to grow up so quickly when ds was born, and then he did when the dts were born.

dd has said the exact same sort of things, we musn't do... or whatever. Your dd sounds lovely though, and I think you should be proud of her, not worrying about her. SHe may be a bit quiet, but I don't think you can blame yourself for that, it will be her personality - especially if she has always prefered adult company. as she grows older and children form more lasting friendships she'll prob be the kind of girl who has a few close friends as opposed to a child surrounded with many casual accquaintances.

It's scary seeing them go off to school, and watching how they cope with ups and downs. I miss the relationship that I had with dd when it was just me and her - jsut being able to do things with the two of us and the freedom of it all. We were so close back then. But now, she has three brothers she loves, and I know she wouldn't want it any differently. I feel guilty that I don't have the time or the opportunity to do a lot of things, but I don't think it will be too late once the dts are a bit older. I can't wait to have four kids runnign around playing in the garden together. I imagine the footy games, the water fights, etc. She would never have all that to look forward to if I hadn't gone on to give her three brothers, even if it has been a bit tough on her when she is still young.

should have posted that sooner - I'm sitting here with my legs crossed. saving the drink for later tho!

FG you daft apeth............ you're a great mum. You just have limited reserves that's all.

So.... how possible is it for you to have special one on one time with DD1:

Once a week?
Once a fortnight?
Once a month?

I ask because what I try to do is to take the older kids out separately... but it's a busy world. So once every 6-8 weeks I take DS1 out for supper. We order steak and icecream (separately you understand). He tells me how school is going, what the latest footie statistics are, what him and his mates are getting up to (well the bits that he knows I won't freak about lol). I take DD1 shopping, cos she's 11 and likes doing that. Then we have lunch which includes chocolate brownies and chocolate and banana milkshakes. DD2 is a cheap date... KFC all the way lol

Sometimes 12 weeks will go by before I take them out, but you get the drift.

It's the only way that I get to spend some one on one time with them without stressing about it. They understand that the DTs are small and take up a lot of time.

I hope that helps in some way. It's how I deal with it. So if you can work once a week/fortnight etc into the schedule... then go for it.

Oh yeah........ I'm always yelling at mine not to run about in the mud and in puddles lol. Don't think the washing machine could take it.

Kelly: I got my OU registration stuff through today. Will be sending it off tomorrow and starting Shakespeare:text and performance AA306 in February. Best start reading the plays now lol.

The twins start at playgroup in January, so I'm gonna use the 2.5 hours a day to study (or at least that's the plan.)

Am still trying to pack. I went to Southampton for the weekend and DH got the girls to pack boxes in their bedrooms. Not so good. Now I have to unpack them, throw away the crap and pack them again. Like I have the time grrrrrrrrrrr.....

So.... all well here. Lots of tissues being used, snotty noses and bright red cheeks. Ah the joys..............

it would be too long a post, so i'll just say I know exactly how you all feel. I love my dt's to bits, and I feel awful & guilty, and loads of horrible things for even thinking this, let alone saying it, but why did I get 2? things however do get easier, i feel that I wish their time away, and the big 2's time just flies by itself, I don't have to wish theirs away. I wish time could just stand still with them until the dt's are older. sorry is this doesn't make sense