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D'y ever wonder how life got like this?

929 replies

FrumpyGrumpy · 12/04/2005 23:06

New to MN but like what I read so far. Struggling to get by day by day at the minute and feeling isolated but not enough to make the effort to join in the 'groups' the whole world seems to think are just what I need!!!!

Have daughter of 4 and girl and boy twins of eight months. Not had time since they were born when all three kids have been well, am I just cursed? Throw in a house move that took 6 months, a partner that works away most of the week and a mother-in-law I can wait another lifetime to deal with and I've ended up the sort of person I used to look at and wonder how life got like that.

Anyone give me hope that when the babes are eighteen months I'll feel better?!! If not, anyone tell me that alternate nights of gin then chocolate is an ok passage through?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
MiladyMarsLady · 12/10/2005 21:57

I do love you frumpygrumpy!

Praying for you tomorrow Kelly. Really hope it all goes well.

I couldn't sleep last night because I keep dreaming about the new house. Then DT2 woke up for conversation. Then when he fell asleep DT1 woke for conversation. 'Allo mummy, 'allo brubber. Beebies? 'Amory?

TinyGang · 12/10/2005 22:05

Just popping in to say hi to FG and all fraught mums on here. Hope you're all doing well, must have a good read through. Just dipping in and out I can see some have been having a bit of a rough time This can test you beyond all limits sometimes, God I know! Then you get rewarded twice/three times with the good bits too which makes me feel wonderful but quite confused and guilty too at having wanted to run off sometimes.

Mine (b/g twins) have just turned 4 (big party, soft play emporium, king sized headache for Mummy!) and don't start school until next year.
If they'd arrived 3 weeks earlier it'd have been this year! I am glad they're not starting very young, but some days they seem very 'ready' (or is that me? lol!)They are tall so everyone thinks they are surely going to school now, but not yet. Have started a thread about whether to keep them together or separate them in class at school when they do start. It's hard to know what to do for the best.

They're firing on rocket power too and I am totally knackered. Questions galore, and into everything. They are so lovely together though and trot around behind older dd (nearly 7) like little ducklings. She mostly likes this and is incredibly good with them, but they can infuriate her too because 'they're copying me..!' or they mess something up and then arguments break out, three being the eternal triangle. I have to referee all this which is very hard.

It must be getting easier(??), but then some days I'm back to struggling with the load. For example, I am terrified one will run into the road and would like them strapped in the pushchair at all times, (preferably until they are 18) but at four they want to (and should!) be walking, so I'm bringing up the rear puffing and red-faced bellowing STOPPPP!! They do stop (mostly) but they never look like they're going to and they move like greased lightning. Heading off potential dangers and crises for three people who appear to have no fear is a nerve wracking and heart stopping business.

I reached a very low point where nothing was funny any more during the summer. I was just shouting at everyone and just felt like hell; very low and run right down. Eventually I gave in and saw the doctor - yup, guess what, I'm finally on the AD's too. I always fought this off - like there was some kudos in dealing with it all myself for years. Well, no-ones knocked on the door with my medal yet, and I can see I needed some help, well for everyone's sake really not just mine, although it was hard to admit it. I feel quite a bit better, but still have wobbly days. I see this is a topic that's been discussed a bit here too and I really hope those who have gone down this path are feeling better.

I think I need a quick update on some salient points on this thread, so will have proper read through to catch up.

MiladyMarsLady · 12/10/2005 22:14

Sounds like you're doing well tinygang. It's a real encouragement.

With regards to school, as they are boy girl I think you can keep them together. They are more likely to be treated as individuals I would think because they are different sexes. I've every intention of keeping mine together (of course my school of choice is one form entry.. so not really a hard decision lmao).

There's a lot to read on this thread. Takes blimming ages... good to see you here

FrumpyGrumpy · 12/10/2005 23:18

Hi TinyGang, sound like its been tough for you and I hope you have felt supported in one way or another. Its all swings and rounabouts isn't it, one minute you're skipping along next your wondering how you fell. I'm not really one for mumbo jumbo but I've been knocking back a herbal tincture twice a day which I thought was doing bugger all until I stopped it......I started again as soon as I could! Feeling pretty ok atm even with the new (ish) stresses of life. Whatever floats your boat I suppose and good luck with it. I was reading your post, comparing your age differences to mine (v similar) and thinking how it sounded ok.... until I got to the bit about puffing along behind as they dart in different directions OH DEAR!!! Mine do that and they're only 14 months - I was so hoping for a different type of red face when they were older !

Hey Milady! Felt very tearful earlier but am just being a woos who'd had too strong a gin!! Gona shower and make a big cuppa with a finger of Fudge (bought one for the packed lunch and they looked so good had to purchase another and another) and life will be hunkdory again I'm sure.

Which bit of moving house with 5 kids, 2 the same age and under two is getting you sleepless? Pray which bit Milady??? Mmmmm? Mmmmmm?

If you sensible ones are already sleeping, until tomorrow.....

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MiladyMarsLady · 12/10/2005 23:30

I can't sleep cos I'm excited about the new house! lmao

Watching LOST. See ya soon

FrumpyGrumpy · 12/10/2005 23:39

Hey Mars, haven't watched Lost but I know I'd like it purely for the fact that that hunky man (ooo-er baby) from Party of Five is in it. Don't know the name but still looks like he'd look better horizontal..... .

When you're next sitting about with nothing much to do do give us the chat on your new pad. Will you have a room for your new desk? Will you line the walls with bubble wrap and bounce yourself off every surface? Do I need to go out more?

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Kelly1978 · 13/10/2005 20:19

Thanks for the support girls. Read it quickly before I left this morning, and def had the Fame tune on the brain when waiting to go in.

It was a very tough exam, bu the first half went ok, jut the fourth question I'm worried about, but hopefully I've pulled it off. I'm just so HAPPEEE that I'm now on a break!! I am so sick of law atm, it's been hard work this year, but now I've got a few months to move house and recuperate a bit. No more studyign all weekend.

Dp had the kids, he's been really good, had a few days off so I could do some last minute cramming. he looked exhausted when I got home though! I switch off from them pretty easily - lots else to think about but when I get home and see them all pleased to see me it's so nice. I'm never usually away from them for more than a couple of hours so it is a bit wierd.

I so kbnow how you feel about the move, mars. I'm not sleepignproperly, and I should have been worrying abouyt the exam, but all I can think about is getting this move sorted.

Hope your week is going a bit better, fg?

Better scarper anyway, bottle of wine and fish and chip supper calling....

FrumpyGrumpy · 13/10/2005 20:26

Glad for your Kelly, take a well earned break (but not much rest!).

Had a rubbish day myself, all sorts of reasons but probably just feeling sorry for myself and just need to shake myself.

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Kelly1978 · 15/10/2005 21:46

hi fg, hows things been? Is your dp back yet?

I've been busy househunting. Going to choose one by monday but how?? Maybe should pick one out of a hat. they all had good points and bad, so it's really hard to decide.

the dts are up loads at night again now. They getting worse and worse. I can't wait to move, get htem in their own rome and hopfully back in routine. Waiting to move, it isn't worth getting anything sorted. How's urs going, mars?

I'm getting very peed off with dd's school. i don't think she is learnign a thing. can't wait to get her out of there. They are supposed to change books every day, she has had two all week. she obs isn't reading. She seems totally confused most of the time as to what she is supposed to be doing. It feels as if she goes there, wanders around in a dream all day and then comes home. actually, she would do that at home too if she could.

tg, u are very brave. I plan on keeping mine in the buggy til they are at least 10! ds is 3 and he is bad enough. He stops, but always right on the edge, so i'm never sure, and it scares the hell out of me. I wish he could understand stop before the edge.

Kelly1978 · 15/10/2005 21:49

re -read my post and it sounds like such a moan! oh, well a glass or wine or twos what I need.

FrumpyGrumpy · 18/10/2005 21:38

Hi All, dp made it back and he's away again now, back late night Thurs. The DTs are just such hard work right now I think I'm going crazy, I think its going to be like this until they are about 2 and able to understand and chat a bit. They are fun and smart and strong willed which is all good but it makes for a hard time too esp when they are taking mini tantrums now too young SURELY!! Having the DTs have made me realise what a wonderful baby my dd was (and she slept badly!)

Have you decided on a house? Always think the most important things are (1) how easy is it to get everyone in/out of the house i.e. is there a driveway or at least no double yellows outside!! (2) Is the kitchen huuuuuuge and can you see the main outside play area when you are cooking/doing dishes or checking the wine temperature. We bought this house because I can get everyone inside the house from inside the garage i.e. drive in and unload in the dry!!! (Am very very lucky) and because the kitchen has a family area for playing and watching telly (invaluable).

We practically live in the kitchen so its kind of an roomy bedsit. I do feel like a prisoner there but we can all be together doing different things and thats been great. DD colours, I cook (ahem) and the babes used to roll about (now they climb and empty every cupboard they can reach). I refuse to fit cupboard locks preferring to make my life as hard as I can by taking the mother earth approach to try to educate them about why 'we don't do that'. I can sometimes be found shouting "I SAID NOOOOOO" however!!!! Wish MotherBloodyEarth would pitch up in times of trouble and lend us her merry take on life or at least do the dishes!

I found moving the most stressful part and find myself wishing we were back where we were BUT I think thats more to do with wanting my old life back not the bricks and mortar!!

God, I can talk.

In summary:

DT1 has a wheezy cold and is not happy or sleeping
DTs both had MMR today (AAARGH)
DD on school holidays (lovely and YIKES together)
DP away, again.

Not going to have glass of wine tonight since I have bummer of headache and going to go to bed very soon since it will be a broken night anyway. However, will chill one now for tomorrow night cos Wednesdays are the days/nights I fall apart for some reason.

I'm ranting. Can you tell I'm alone!!!!!

I think a change of school will come just at the right time for your dd. Maybe a new teacher will provide a new eye. Is she keen on the idea of moving?

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FrumpyGrumpy · 18/10/2005 21:42

WARNING, I go OOOOONNNNN and OOOOOONNNNN and OOOONNNNN .

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Kelly1978 · 19/10/2005 18:18

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Kelly1978 · 19/10/2005 18:20

oh and dd seems very blase about the whole idea of moving at the moment. she hasn't said much, either way. I know she is gonna love the garden tho - it is huge!

Also, the lcoal school has a place free, and has excelelnt results and a great offstead report, so fingers crossed.

FrumpyGrumpy · 19/10/2005 20:22

Kelly it sounds brilliant and I'm wishing you lots of luck with it all. Being able to jump in a car and nip out ANYWHERE in ANY weather has been a huge benefit to me although when I didn't drive I didn't miss it IYKWIM. Its a lot to take on but will be worth it. Love the thought of you tippy tappying away on MN at your desk while looking out through your patio doors on a blissfully sunny day at the 4 kids playing together happily. Well, they might be soaking each other and eating crisps but thats the same thing right?

DTs have got the cold so I didn't notice MMR probs(yet!). They each have 2 molars left to get so I'm hoping for miracles once they pop through. ATM I'm still up every night with somebody.

DD has been off school for the hols and I arranged help so I could take her swimming this afternoon. I wish I could relax into it though, I try my best to make it feel like there's no hurry and I'm relaxed but inside I'm clock watching and worrying about whats happening at home. Thats what I miss about it just being me and her, we could take as long as we liked with everything. I miss those days terribly and they are gone forever. I'm trying to move on though and I know one day the adjustment will be complete.

Night one and all and sl*** bairns to you all .

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MarsLady · 20/10/2005 00:30

will tell you about the house tomorrow.

Knackered and off to bed shortly.

Just wanted to say hi!

Have been packing each night when the DTs go to bed. They can't work out where their videos are going lol.

Can't believe I'm gonna be in on time for Christmas. The DTs are gonna be in mini burgular heaven. All those cupboards lmao

Will try and remember to post tomorrow.

Hope the new house works out kelly!

Hi FG and TG!

FrumpyGrumpy · 20/10/2005 20:54

Hey Milady, are you moving soon then? How did it all work out so fast? Last you posted here it was gona be 3 weeks, or am I just not keeping up properly? Xciting and bloody hard work getting it all together eh? I'm still living in a state of semi organisation and it drives me crazy, so crazy I pour a gin when they're sleeping and do nothing!!!! Too much to do alone I'm not the woman I was!!!!

My muscle rippling (not really muscle or rippling but smiley in a can't put my finger on it type of way) gardener man is back working across the street and up a bit and it does wonders for a frump! I'd never touch but its soooo lovely to look...... Hormones, hormones ...........

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MarsLady · 20/10/2005 21:26

am moving mid November. Packing a bit each night when the DTs are in bed. Have been making up colour boards for the rooms. Gonna have Christmas Drinks as my house warming. Kids are really excited. Not moving to the original house. CLosed that door. Now moving down the road. 10mins walk from school. Gorgeous road. Lovely house!

FG there's a guy at salsa who wears skin tight t-shirts. Rippling muscles everywhere. I also do not touch... but looking is a true delight!

Kelly1978 · 21/10/2005 14:32

Hello girls,
I've jsut a few minutes ago heard we got the house. It's been the most nerve wracking thing ever. So i'm off to pack and dp is gettign the van at 6. It is going to be a total nightmare. I've only packed a few bits.
What are colourboards mars?
FG - waaay too many hormones, girl!!

MarsLady · 21/10/2005 16:56

Congratulations on the house.

My colour boards are huge pieces of paper which have pictures of different bits I want for each room and colours and fabrics stuck on.

I know..... but it keeps me happy in the wee small hours lmao

Get packing girlie! Hope the move goes well!

Kelly1978 · 21/10/2005 17:45

colour boards sound like fun - I guess u making good use of ur new desk then? {smile]

We've jsut about doen the kitchen, and the kids room is pretty much sorted. Lounge is bit done, dp has gone to get the van and I'm feedign dts. It looks like we will get packed in time, but I'm dreadign gettign it all down to the van - four flights of stairs Aaaghh!

harrogatemum · 21/10/2005 18:10

hello fellow mothers of twins...sorry to hijack the colour boards convo (sounds like my scrapbook of cuttings from interiors magazines which never ever make it onto the walls of my house which is a riot of beautiful woodchip....), but as the DTs are nearly a year old would you believe my thoughts are turning to whether to have another one....trouble is what if it turns out to be another two...? NOt sure I could handle it, did any of you have another one AFTER your twins?

MarsLady · 21/10/2005 20:10

harrogatemum.......... the DTs are babies 4 and 5! There is no way, no how that I'm planning another

However, you go for it girl. The worst that can happen is that you have twins (or triplets ) and you already know how it goes with twins.

Good luck babe!

FrumpyGrumpy · 25/10/2005 14:29

Hi girls

Harrogatemum I think if I'd had my DTs first time round I would have eventually tried for another (and hoped for no more than 1 !!!!!). I know a woman who had her 3 that way round and she loved the feeling of freedom having 1 gave her. She liked that her twins had an extra someone to take the pressure off the twin-ness. Having said that, be prepared, I know of someone else who had twins and is expecting quads . Personally I'm done. My dd was 3.5 when the DTs arrived and she has coped with such a lot and done it with such love and good grace, helping and taking care of them and bossing them about. Partly for her sake, when life settles down a bit I'd like to start doing family fun stuff for her and them.

Kelly! Have been thinking about you and hope you have NOT been thinking about us! Wishing you well with what will have been a traumatic time and hope that you have at least got the beds made up and the wine open! Well done and if you feel like screaming and crying, its normal .

Mars Milady, you come to us stripped of your title! How does it feel to be getting down and dirty with the ruffians?

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Kelly1978 · 26/10/2005 14:15

twins and quads

my twins are no3 and 4, so I'm not planning ne more, although i would love another girl. The idea of more twins is jsut too scary, and it isn't really pratical or financially viable to have ne more now. If they were my first I would have wanted more. Even if it is another set of twins four is a nice round number .

It has been a mad weekend, but we're in and mostly unpacked. New wardorbes are being delivered friday then I'll be ablke to finish unpacking. Def a screamiung kind of day today. dp has gone back to work and I'm stuck here in the middle of nowhere. kicked the older two outside, and they are loving it.

The dts are both teething. akshay been having the screaming fits, and ravi is having explosive nappies ruining all his vests. I'm trying to stay sane and getting on with the endless list of little jobs, drowning the dts out with the sound of power tools!

hows everyone else doin?

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