Anyone with baby twins AND a toddler??

[BBeau]

Hello, havent been posting on this site long but have had some really useful advice. First time posting on the multiple births. I have 6 month old twins and a 2 year old boy. I just cant seem to find anyone in my position. I was not on fertility treatment and there are no twins anywhere in our families so needless to say i spent the next 2 weeks crying when i found out it was twins (especially as it was a hard enough decision to have a second anyway). I have absolutely no family around so no help from them. All we have is my husbands mum who works full time and very occasionally will take my son for a couple of hours on her day off on a Monday, thats it. Its just so awful at the lack of help we have. To make things worse by 30 weeks i was so big i couldnt look after my son anymore as i was on crutches, my husband had to have the next 3 months off work (he's self employed so didnt get paid - we had to take a morgage break. I had one by cesarean and one natural, i heamorrhaged twice in hospital and almost died. The girls were in special care for a week but i was in about 3 weeks ( so my husband all alone had to take the girls home for first couple of weeks with son). Ive had on going problems since - no end of consultant appointments because my stomach muscles were split so bad they've not gone back and my bowels have herniated through the middle so i have been referred to plastic surgeon to have them pulled back together and stitched up and a tummy tuck as skin is so badly hanging down that it took my c-sec scar about 4 months to heal as it was getting no air (it also got infected). We have no one to help with the kids when i have this op so husband will have to have time off again - god knows how we will cope! I just dont get any understanding from any friends or my husbands family. They all just think we are exaggerating when we say how hard it is. I literally dont stop from 5.45am when my son wakes to about 10pm when girls finally have their last bottle (their not that well either, bad diarreah all the time, nightmare drinkers etc etc also under a peaditrician - another story. Dont get me wrong - sometimes i feel the luckiest lady on earth to have 3 of the most adorable children but also feel devasted at the fact that i have no time to spend any quality time with any of them. My poor son has really had to take a back seat for which now i think we are paying the price as he is into absolutely everything - i swear he is like a tornado in the house. I try to clear up and hes undoing everything ive done. I hardly get out unless i have someone with me as obviously we have 2 buggies (1 double). Friends cant understand why i dont take them out alone - i swear, both me and my husband struggle with them all let alone taking them alone, also son wants to walk now but so young cant be trusted not to run off - which he does. He has reins but sits on the floor when he's had enough so cant take him out without buggy. The girls are still feeding every 3 or 4 hours as well. The work is endless!! Also cant really leave 2 year with girls as he is being spiteful to them (must be jealous) he literally drops himself on them with his whole weight when my back is turned. People just dont understand...... Anyone in my situation?.....

Ruby doll, looks like you have a taker for your buggy

MinaLoy, sweetheart, have you been on the D'y ever thread? Your name is familiar but maybe I have just seen it about. I had an undiagnosed PND after my DD1 and then around when the DTs were 6 months I fell into a pit. I had been kind of pushing myself really hard and living off adrenalin and then I fell. I'm still pulling myself out and fixing myself but I am getting there slowly. Its very hard having depression (I still find that word hard to type much easier to type "fell into a pit") and having no time to yourself to even think things through. Don't stagger on alone. For all that MN goes through changes and ups and down there will always be someone who will offer a shoulder and be happy to listen. And that is sometimes all you need to get through the next bit of the day.

I know i said i wasnt going to log in until this evening but just a quick peak and just wanted to say to MinaLoy thank you for your message as well - sorry i havent the time to reply to all of your lovely messages so please dont think im not taking it all in - will try to reply later. x

Harrogate mum,had to laugh at your fishwife comment on your profile,your dc are beautiful.

I'm still wondering how on earth dd came into being .7 years fertility treatment,££££££££,every fertility prob known to man and bang the one and only time we did it after the boys were born(honestly) she pops up.

So glad I didn't have a headache!!!!!!!!!

Bbeau some really good advice on here. The Homestart volunteers are fab, I'm still friends with mine. Try and get one,sob,beg if you have to. The going shopping on your own on Sat thing somebody mentioned helps as you look forward to it and actually miss them all(albeit briefly)a bit.

Frumpy's advice re putting one out in the garden is good. I hated swing seats and noisy mobiles pre-kids dispatched dp out pretty swiftly after. You could put one twin in said seat,one under a mobile in cot and grab a few mins with ds. 5/10 mins is often all it takes to make them think they're getting attention.You could give ds a sticker chart with a sticker for every time he helps out. Make sure you stick them in front of CBeebies now and again so you get some time to yourself.

I always dragged myself out as it just made me feel better when I had other adult contact, I'm crap at sitting in all day. Also h/v thought I had pnd after dd, I think now it was probably severe stress and lack of sleep either way getting out daily kept my sanity in tact. If you find it stresses you out though and it makes things easier if you stay in all day do that. It's what works for you at this stage,survival is key. AS each year goes by it gets easier,before you know it they'll be 4 and 5 like my lot and you'll be thinking how on earth did I do it.

Re that friend, you may find she's finding it tough too. Find out if she prefers staying in her house or coming to yours then buy some nice biscuits/cake and have her over/visit her. If she's not interested don't feel bad just keep chatting to other mums singleton and multiples.

Multiple mums will make you feel better about everything as you constantly see that all your worries and stress are shared but you may have lots in common with certain singleton mums too.

I made some lovely singleton friends who when the dc were tiny did made make me feel a bit crap as I felt the dc and I missed out on so much eg cafe trips,swimming,relaxed times at toddler groups. However we hung on in there and now the dc are starting school find I've actually got some good old friends who felt in awe of me at the time ie they found it tough too so presumed that having 3 made me some kind of supermum when I actually was only hanging on by a thread

Ola me lovlies...BBeau how are you? How exciting that there is a double-buggy transfer in the offing! FrumpyGrumpy, yes I have been on D'ye'ever, just briefly, but not for ages. Sometimes I slip in and stand quietly, sipping my tea and watching from the side-lines as you all do twirls and shout about scrubbing donkeys. It's baffling but fun...a bit like Shooting Stars in that respect! As for PND, I am getting wonderful help on the NHS, mostly thru my lovely health visitor, and I'm having a walk EVERY day, which is a great help. Thanks for asking.

Bbeau - do pop over to the regular threads (they are fantastic) my ds1 was 3.3 when dts were born but dts will only be 22 mths when baby born so I have bought a 2nd hand triple - still have to get ds1 to school (just turned 5)

SURVIVAL - is what it is all about - stay in touch

MinaLoy thats the most wonderful thing I've ever heard about the D'y ever thread..........

"It's baffling but fun...a bit like Shooting Stars in that respect.." PMSL! Most of us have no idea what we are, who we are, why we are, or where but its lovely to have company. Hop in anytime, always there x.

I should be in bed as only got up to feed dt2 and update tesco order, but had to respond to this Bbeau.

YOu are really going through it, you poor thing, sounds like someone needs to give you a big hug and there's just no-one. I second keeping up with the lady in a similar situation, it will just be busyness for her I think, I certainly can't get on the phone very often these days! I have a 5yo ds, 2yo ds and 3 mo dt's (ds3 & dd). I have none of the health issues aside from recovering from spd. I have a homestart volunteer and she's priceless, she just comes around and looks after the dt's whils I have a nap, or tidy or whatever, comes with me to pick up ds2 from nursery. Lovely to have that support every week.

My first thoughts on your post were why wait until the summer for a nanny, you need one now if you can afford it. Get the help now, it will make such a difference, mother's help, nanny whatever, just someone for a day or more a week will change it round for you.

And I think your dh has to help a bit more with a regular chore(s), you can't do it all yourself. Why can't he get up earlier and make up some bottles etc? My dp gets up and gives the older boys breakfast every morning because I'm busy with the dt's.

I think the buggy will make a huge difference, I feel the same way as I can't leave the house with all 3 (the dt's & ds2 who is too young to walk v.far,he was a late walker). You'll feel much more able to do things should you want to and make the nursery trip easier. Ask the nursery staff if one of them will pop out to the car and watch the dt's whilst you drop off ds or come and collect him, my nursery are happy to help me out with car seats and I don't think you should be carrying 6 mo babies in car seats in your condition really if at all possible!

Can you find a small window in your week on the weekend maybe when ds napping and dh has the dt's to just go for a walk on your own, just an hour or two for YOU as it doesn't sound like there's anything at the moment. Really really important imo, more important than chores because if you fall apart and collapse one day everything else falls apart.

Re: dealing with a 2yo and dt's, I have a nanny here on the days that I've got all 3 of them as ds2 at nursery 2 days and my mum has him a 3rd day. So I don't have to deal with all 3 that often and luckily ds2 is very laid back. If you had some help and/or a buggy for all of them, I think getting out of the house would make it easier as he wouldn't be a tornado. If they're not there, the house doesn't need tidying, my five year old is exactly the same although at school now.

Thinking of you and hoping that things get better at least you can come on mumsnet and vent if that helps.

Hello, yes ive just realised now that i cant wait until the summer to get help. Its a shame because i wanted to offer our student who we had a job as we really liked her but unfortunately she doesnt qualify until the summer and then she has to get registered which can take up to 3 months so long story short i phoned an agency yesterday who coincidently met a lady who lives 5 minutes from me who is looking for a job who has had triplet experience. Problem is she is not registered yet (we need help with tax credits). Anyway ive asked what sort of pay she is after and perhaps (if all goes well) we can have her 2 or 3 days a week. Im waiting to hear. We will need someone full time when i have my op. It is obviously the money that has held us back getting help but to be honest im getting to the stage where id rather have the help and no money, at least i would get out the house. MY little boy has made me look like a liar because the last couple of days hes been an angel (fingers crossed it will last). He definately needs to be taken out more though. Im waiting to hear from the lady that offered me a buggy.
You are right about the lifting - i tried it yesterday and it was a nightmare - id forgotton how heavy they both are in the car seats.
Sometimes my husband is great and i feel very lucky to have someone that helps so much but other days i do feel he could do more. He leaves about 7ish so i feel bad asking him to get up even earlier to do things as he helps loads in the evening and he doesnt really go out at all. I could get out for a walk but then feel bad leaving him to cope alone. I was really cross once when i phoned him thinking he was at work and found out he was sitting in his mums shop having a cuppa (a day when i was pulling my hair out)!! He said he was just passing so thought he'd pop in quickly. Its just very hard for us both i think. I just want to get these babies feeding sorted out - that just makes it so much worse!
Anyeay - thanks for advice - its nice to hear from mums that have twins and more, i am obviously not alone in that department. x

Hello BBeau I have twins who are ONE YEAR OLD TOMORROW and DS1 who is two, and will be three in six weeks. My god it is hard work.

I have sadly not managed to read all the wonderful long replies of support as time is of course limited... but I know frumpygrumpy / pixi / chops / hm / tkb etc from the multiples thread and they are lifesavers when you need some love and support!

I have a lady from Homestart coming just for two hours a week starting next week. I wish I had sorted it sooner as I have had some really bad times, but also some good ones of course. You would definitely qualify for help from them, especially with your impending operation. Your HV will urgently refer you if you get in touch.

My DS1 used to walk a lot until DTs were born, but has spent most of the last year in double buggy with me carrying DD (smaller twin) in Baby Bjorn. We made a New Years resolution that he will now walk everywhere (within reason) and he is doing well walking to nursery and back twice a week (5 min walk, although more like 25 mins when he walks, but it is nicer!). He also refuses to go on buggy board.

Nursery is my saviour. I honestly dont think I would have made it through the last year without some form of medication if DS1 was not in nursery two days a week and I also put DTs in for one day a week when they were only three months so I have one day without any of them (except more often than not one or other is ill...).

I had thankfully an easy birth so none of the health probs you have had, and I still find it hideously hard. My DTs have been serious pukers though and went through a stage at about 8/9 months where they were both projectiling every one or two days each, full feeds. Thankfully now (touch wood) they only puke on the odd occasion which has made life easier, and getting DS1 to walk more is helping too (wish I had been firmer with him earlier but felt sorry for him as DTs were in pushchair and didn't want him to feel pushed out).

We have a big Babdan playpen which I can put DTs in when I need to leave them for more than a minute or two alone. It has lots of toys in and they like it in there.

Anyway am rambling but just wanted to add my story!

Rubyrubyknittedknickers - thank you sounds great - let me know when your ready to exchange contact details.

Egg - thank you for your story. What age did your son start going to nursery? I thought about putting twins in as well but think my son might benefit from going in longer instead. Also the girls just are not right at the moment with their feeding etc.

tkband3 - im really concerned it could coeliac! The doctor just said its unlikely as they are so small. My appoitment with Peaditrian isnt until 13 Feb. I dont know whether to start weaning them in case it is that. One of the girls seems absolutely fine in herself, the other is a lot more unsettled and cries quite a lot and their nappies are terrible (like green water). What symptoms did your daughter have? Is she ok now?

Hello BBeau. I put my DTs in nursery from three months. I would never have considered putting PFB DS1 in so early but honestly it has saved my sanity. DD was always a difficult feeder (milkwise) and was very slow to gain weight, but tbh I was just relieved that two feeds per week were someone else's problem (she was not dangerously small or anything i hasten to add).

Now they are older, I do think it would be better for DS1 to go three times a week and DTs not to go, but as they are used to it, and we have two places on the same day at a good nursery, I am loathe to give it up!

Ahem Egg - helloooooooo long time no see!

Hello HM . Sorry I am a slacker... I get daunted trying to keep up on the lovely multiple thread.

Big apols to FG too while we are here as she welcomed me back into the fold so warmly with lots of advice when I popped over to the thread say I was struggling...

FG - I still think of you every time I watch The Wiggles. You know Greg has been replaced don't you .

oh Egg I know - by Sam! We went to see them in 2007 and he was new-ish then. It doesnt bother me as I only heart Anthony (swoon).

Oh you are in love with him too! Thought it was just FG (and me with a small crush on him...). Let's face it though, Greg was the only other one worth looking at besides Anthony! DS1 got a DVD for Christmas and now watches it endlessly. I had no idea Sam had been around so long, we have clearly only been watching old stuff!

This time last year I went to bed as a mother of one. And by lunchtime the next day I had three children .

Hi Egg!!! don't fret about not being on the other thread! You always have a chair there and we are always glad to see you whether its happy or sad stuff xxx. That is what that thread is for, supporting each other when we each need it and larking about when we can.

BTW, I also put my DTs into one day a week at nursery at around 7 months. As my DP was away all week, I needed a day to catch up, get shopping, menu plan, etc. It wasn't really a ME day but at least I knew it was coming. Like Egg, it was often disrupted but it was still a godsend. I didn't have the feeding worries though.....

Re: coeliac, I have a friend whose daughter was diagnosed age 6. She is totally fine and her diet was easily altered. I think its really important to find out why your DTs are having these problems but if it does turn out to be coeliac then its manageable.

Momma's DTs had problems with gluten and dairy proteins when they were tiny.....she could let you know what she excluded. The turn around for her was huge.

Egg, happy birthday for your DTs tomorrow! Wow, you DID IT!!!

The Wiggles............ What I don't want to do with Anthony could be written on the back of a tiny coin

And Sam just doesn't have it IMHO. And as for Captain Feathersword!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > I'd love to see his stern and his starboard

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Caught!!!!!!!!!!!!