Anyone with baby twins AND a toddler??

[BBeau]

Hello, havent been posting on this site long but have had some really useful advice. First time posting on the multiple births. I have 6 month old twins and a 2 year old boy. I just cant seem to find anyone in my position. I was not on fertility treatment and there are no twins anywhere in our families so needless to say i spent the next 2 weeks crying when i found out it was twins (especially as it was a hard enough decision to have a second anyway). I have absolutely no family around so no help from them. All we have is my husbands mum who works full time and very occasionally will take my son for a couple of hours on her day off on a Monday, thats it. Its just so awful at the lack of help we have. To make things worse by 30 weeks i was so big i couldnt look after my son anymore as i was on crutches, my husband had to have the next 3 months off work (he's self employed so didnt get paid - we had to take a morgage break. I had one by cesarean and one natural, i heamorrhaged twice in hospital and almost died. The girls were in special care for a week but i was in about 3 weeks ( so my husband all alone had to take the girls home for first couple of weeks with son). Ive had on going problems since - no end of consultant appointments because my stomach muscles were split so bad they've not gone back and my bowels have herniated through the middle so i have been referred to plastic surgeon to have them pulled back together and stitched up and a tummy tuck as skin is so badly hanging down that it took my c-sec scar about 4 months to heal as it was getting no air (it also got infected). We have no one to help with the kids when i have this op so husband will have to have time off again - god knows how we will cope! I just dont get any understanding from any friends or my husbands family. They all just think we are exaggerating when we say how hard it is. I literally dont stop from 5.45am when my son wakes to about 10pm when girls finally have their last bottle (their not that well either, bad diarreah all the time, nightmare drinkers etc etc also under a peaditrician - another story. Dont get me wrong - sometimes i feel the luckiest lady on earth to have 3 of the most adorable children but also feel devasted at the fact that i have no time to spend any quality time with any of them. My poor son has really had to take a back seat for which now i think we are paying the price as he is into absolutely everything - i swear he is like a tornado in the house. I try to clear up and hes undoing everything ive done. I hardly get out unless i have someone with me as obviously we have 2 buggies (1 double). Friends cant understand why i dont take them out alone - i swear, both me and my husband struggle with them all let alone taking them alone, also son wants to walk now but so young cant be trusted not to run off - which he does. He has reins but sits on the floor when he's had enough so cant take him out without buggy. The girls are still feeding every 3 or 4 hours as well. The work is endless!! Also cant really leave 2 year with girls as he is being spiteful to them (must be jealous) he literally drops himself on them with his whole weight when my back is turned. People just dont understand...... Anyone in my situation?.....

BBeau, if I remember correctly you are bottle-feeding your DTs. Are you expressing for them or are they having formula? If they are on formula, then I doubt it's coeliac disease. DD1's coeliac disease only manifested itself after she started eating gluten at 6 months - she was breast-fed but didn't show any symptoms from me eating gluten. HoochieMomma exclusively breast-feeds her DTs, and has cut gluten out of her diet for them (although I think it benefits her as well ). I could be wrong, but unless they are being exposed to gluten, then coeliac won't be the cause.

Your DTs symptoms could indicate a dairy problem though. Do they have excema or any other symptoms which might point in this direction?

Glad to hear you are making progress in getting some help. Hope you manage to meet up with Ruby soon for the buggy .

Oh and hello Egg. Happy birthday to your DTs for yesterday . Well done for surviving the first year - I hope you celebrated .

BBeau
how are things going? Have you managed to find any help? Have Homestart offered you some help?
I hope you are doing ok I have been thinking of you.
Living in New Zealand is great with children although a MASSIVE wrench to leave my family and friends and England.
It's extremely family oriented here and evryone assumes it must be incredibly hard with twins and a toddler which is good because it's true!
I have got a double mountain buggy so usually put both babies in one side (by God it's a squash but if i keep moving I don't think about them crying too much) and my son in the other. When I get to my destination - beach/someone's house or whatever then Dusty gets out and plays and the twins get to go one eacfh side. I would only really take them to places all together where there are people who are good at helping and are happy to feed a baby for me whil I do the other and Dusty plays with their children.
How is the diahorrea going? How are you feeling with your health?
Do you sometimes sort the babies out (feed, nappies changed etc), put them somewhere safe and take your son in the shower with you? Then he can play with toys on the floor of the shower, you can have some time with him and also benefit from the recuperative qualities of a warm shower.
hope you are ok, Jenny

Hello,
tkband3 - yes they are on formula (nutramigen). We have managed to the get their appointment pushed forward to the beginning of Feb but diarreah still bad - its dark green and really smelly. I just wonder if its undigested milk as you can still hear the milk in their bellies up to 2 hours after theyve fed. I didnt know whether to start weaning them but dr said today to try some baby rice. Worries me though because if they cant digest milk how are they to handle solids. Good to hear that its unlikely to be coeliac. They dont seem to have excema - although a few patches of dry skin. They just dont seem to be gulping down their milk like they should at 6 months old. Yes cant wait to get the buggy - it really will make a difference.

Jenny - we have decided to get a nanny so have not phoned homestart. We have advertised so fingers crossed we will get someone soon. This means we probably be broke for the next few years but it will be worth it to get some help. We dont have an option anyway because when i have my operation we will need someone full time then. Yes my little boy does like the shower. Although he does keep trying to open the door when im in there!! :-) I think my stress will half when the twins are sorted out - its such a worry having children isnt it!!! New Zealand sounds lovely. I think you are brave but it must be a lovely place to bring your children up - being able to spend more time outside etc.

Morning all. Thanks for lovely birthday wishes for my babies from lots of you .

BBeau just read what you said about your girls' tummies. My DD was a poor milk feeder for the first few months and really seemed to have a gurgly tummy and bad wind. She was then put on Cow & Gate Comfort and her poos were foul and green and this made things worse.

I presume if you are using Nutramigen then you have tried all the other "standard" brands anyway. Is Nutramigen any better than the others were?

I did find weaning really really helped my DD. She eats tons now and even drinks more formula than she used to. They sound so poorly with their tummies it can't hurt to try as they are six months now. Obv I am no expert I hasten to add.

Oh and great news on getting a nanny. I think it will make the world of difference to you. The money we spend on nursery fees could pay for a fabulous holiday every few months but tbh for now the nursery is more important!

Hello Egg,

Yes they were on sma originally then i tried cow & gate and they were hardly drinking any milk. Now their on this Nutrimigen. Yes i have got some baby rice and will try them on some either today or tomorrow. They do have a lot of wind as well. (Finger crossed).

Bbeau, you can email me and I will forward it to Ruby if you like........ I'm [email protected]

Please say on here if you have done that as I tend not to check it everyday.....

Hello guys sorry just read your messages. Thank you. Yes frumpygumpy i will email you now if ok.
Thanks again.

Tis done x.

Hi BBeau.

Just a quick note- I live on the Cambs/Herts border and have been a nanny in Ireland and Au Pair in France. If you wanted a hand any evening or weekend please don't hesitate to shout. I am not bothered about being paid (miss working with kids a lot) Have worked with 4 kids under 5 in Ireland. If you just wanted a couple of hours to yourself on a weekend please don't hesitate to email. Hope you are having a good day. Email is clairemichelle23 at hotmail dot co dot uk

Thanks

Claire

Hello Claire, thank you for your offer but i think im a bit too far away from you which is a shame! We have been looking for a nanny but with not much luck! Must be wrong time of year.
Ruby - did you get my message back? Sorry my yahoo wasnt working properly.

Can't for a moment say things are as bad for me as they are for you but there are similarities......... I have 17 week old twin boys and a daughter who will be 3 in September. I had a vaginal birth followed by a crash section and both my boys were on the NNU for 12 days as twin 2 was tiny (3lb 11oz even though he was 38wks. Twin 2 was 6lb 4oz so you can see there was a massive difference.)

Although I was in dreadful pain from my surgical wound for about a month, it has now healed and although T2 spent the first 12 weeks screaming non-stop, he is now a much more content baby.

It seems the biggest difference between us is that my DH is a good earner and we have an almost full time Doula....... yet I still have days where it is never-ending and I am teetering on the brink of PND. My daughter lurches between sweetness and monstrosity which I find so, so stressful. I take my hat off to you, we have similar circumstances yet you are doing it alone - you're fantastic. Without my Doula I would be .... well I don't know where, but it wouldn't be good.

Sorry, just re-read my post - of course I have no idea what your earnings are, that was a stupid thing to say. I just meant that, having little family help, we've paid for it, but I don't know what we would have done if we didn't have the ability to do so. Apologies for any offence.

moptop, ditto Ruby xxx. C'mon over.

Hello moptop, just read your post and no of cause you didnt offend me - its good to hear your experience as well, thank you. To be honest i wish we had have just got help to begin with - back then i didnt really know much about nannies or homehelp etc and just kept thinking it would get better. My husband is self employed so it really does depend on whether theres work out there as to whether he earns well, it is a bit of a worry. We are taking the bull by the horns now though and are going to get help as we have realised that we are just not going to get the help from family so we are going to have to pay for it. Found out my operation should be happening within the next few months so will definately need someone then! Thanks again for message. Glad to hear T2 is better now. x

Ruby - just emailed you. x

Dear all....there are other people out there. I am in no way the same situation as you BBeau, and my heart goes out to you.

I felt very down today as DT's are 8 weeks on Friday and DD is 2 1/2. DH and I have both had flu over xmas, and today was his first day back at work since they were born. As DD is at nursery 5 mornings a week I had big ideas about what I was going to get done, needless to say none of this happened and DTs didn't sleep properly all morning. DD arrived home from nursery, thanks to my Dad, and it all went pear shaped. DD seems to wilfully ignore me, probably her age, although I am v lucky because so far she has not shown any jealousy towards the twins, she just tends to love them and want to help a bit too much.

I am very lucky as my parents are local, and really supportive, but know no one with twins. My Mum was always overjoyed to be a mother, so doesn't quite understand the PND I had with #1 child, and am scared I will get again. My Dad doesn't work and is fantastic with DD although its not the same as having a woman to help out.

Just reading some of your posts has helped me feel more confident that things will work out. Haven't mentioned DH who is a rock and without him, I don't know what I would have done.

Thanks to MN for giving me a place to find this sort of support. Will go as I am tearing up again now!

g4grapes, just a quickie - girls in middle of tea and can't ignore them for too long!

Whereabouts are you? You might be local to one of us, you never know. Also try checking out the tamba website to see if there's a twins club near you. I totally understand the isolation you are feeling, and can't emphasise enough the benefits I got from going to my local twins club in the early days. Just knowing that there were other people that I could talk to who were either in the same boat or who knew what I was going through made me feel so much better.

It's lovely that your DD1 is so loving towards your DTs and wants to help. Her ignoring you is probably her way of telling you that despite the way she is with the DTs, her nose is till slightly out of joint that you have brought 2 babies into her house!! My DD1 was 20 months when my DTs were born and initially she was great, but after 2-3 months I think the novelty wore off, she realised they were here to stay and her behaviour dramatically deteriorated!! Although that did coincide with her turning 2, so it might have happened anyway, but I'll never know .

Finally, come and join the crew here. Lots of virtual support and hugs to be found there .