D'ya ever wonder... [enter witty phase here]

[MultipleMama]

We fill these up fast!

Letting the nurse take him from me after they put him under was one of the worst things I've ever done. Now, I'm here a blubbering my eyes knowing that if he survives I have to sleep a 10 minute car ride away and leave him alone during the night without me and I hope with all my heart that he be okay because I feel like I just handed my son over to have his chest cut open and cause him so much pain. I hate that I have to deal with this all alone, and I feel angry for no reason at all! I'm panicking so much...

Morning girls x

Keeping everything crossed for Apollo today xx

Morning.

Mama. It's natural to worry. Especially with everything Apollo goes through. Even more so with spd and not being able to be right beside him. Is there nowhere nearer for you to be or is it hospital accommodation?

Try and get some sleep now while he's in surgery so you can be fresh and ready for him as soon as he comes out.

Urgh. No sleep brain. It's a 10 minute walk not car. As I'm a parent of a young child I was given a room at the Ronald McDonald house instead of the Guest House but not at the hospital itself. Unable to sleep so forced myself to walk to the house and unpack just for something to do, I'll eat something and then go back to hospital and try and sleep in their errie waiting room. Had a good cry to DH and my dad. The only bad thing about a heart hospital is that you see adults and children with heart problems everywhere, every conversation you overhear is about hearts and it's driving me mad already. DH said I should talk to some of the other parents at the house but what the figs should I say?! Today is going to drag and I am constantly on edge so gunna try and sleep!

I'll keep you ladies updated when I anything xx

Morning girls xx

This may sound very odd Mamma but my biggest wish was that they would operate on Gareth - I do understand your fears and worries but I wish they could have given my lad a chance. The crying thing sounds like Gareth as well. He would cry till he passed out. Im sure the proceedure will be successful.

On another medical note I went to see my GP yesterday. He didnt take my pulse or blood pressure or anything!! Just said I was depressed...I AM NOT DEPRESSED I am missing my Dad which, in turn, makes me think about my boys. He prescribed Sertraline - an anti depressent. I read the infomation inside the packet and I will not be taking them. The hundreds of side effects are revolting. Talked to two of my friends on FBook - both are nurses and one works in A & E at the local hospital. Both of them said the side effects are not good with the tablets and dont think I have depression - both advised me to either go back to see GP and not to take them.

GP looked at me when I first went in and said 'You must be Harry's daughter you look so much like him!' Then he got really upset when I said he had died.....think he should take the tablets not me!!!!

Hey, Shabs :) I don't regret constenting or taking that risk. They said he wouldn't make it past 2yo without this operation. I wish your little boy had the chance too and I'm so thankful but scared that Apollo has this chance.

Apollo is out of surgery and recovering well in ICU. He's full of tubes and drains but he's okay the surgery was a success. The surgery itself had complications; he coded twice once before they opened him up and another as they were wheeling him out. His mitral valve was almost usless but luckily they managed to repair it and avoid replacement. He's stable but these 24 hours are critical, he's on a ventilator and on plenty of morphine and sedated. He looks so fragile and bruised. I've just been crying non-stop! I need sleep.

Night ladies xx

Oh Shabs! Sertraline never agreed with me. I'm sure it made me worse. Combined with the implant. Still trying to convince dh me being sterilised will be the best thing for us. I'm sure I will be happier for it.

Mama. Hopefully you have woken to a good morning. We have a poorly Jen Jen but I'm sure you would trade places in a heartbeat to just be worrying about one small child just creating a whole load of washing.

I didn't know you could look at someone and say they were depressed! I wouldn't take them either, Shabs. Just because you miss your dad and that makes you sad doesn't mean you're depressed!

Sok, I hope Jen Jen feels better soon. I don't know if I'd trade places; Apollo is sooo cranky when ill! His SATS are looking good, better than they've ever been actually. He's still pumped with drugs and on the vent, they will try to wean him off it and the sedation tomorrow so they can see how well copes and if he's needs help. He's not totally in the clear but they're very pleased with his progress! :)

What the hell has MN done to the mobile layout?! It's awful and I hate it...

Tell me about it! There is no previews now neither. When will they ever learn?!

How is Apollo?

Shabs, I'm sure you are right and take care of yourself xx

Soks - why are you considering sterilisation? Did I miss something?

Soks - sterilisation? Hope things are okay.

Chops - I can't even hide threads! The worst is not being able to see recent posts on TIO.

Apollo is doing good. He's stable, progressing with every hour. He has scans and ultrasounds on Monday to see how his heart is. During the surgery, the head surgeon told me, that his left side of his heart was smaller damaged due to the valve problems and they think that's why his Pacing has increased. Can't wait to see his gorgeous eyes open for me tomorrow xx

Oh Mama I have been thinking of A, so pleased he has come thru his op, what wonderful news:) You must be soooooo drained emotionally, but that's the worst over, he will improve every day, he will. xx

Well back from my two days away, came home tonight absolutely shattered! Mainly due to alcohol.................so that's me on the wagon. Went into London this morning to see the poppies around the Tower of London, if you are near do go and see them, its amazing! Got back to usual chaos, dk had actually cooked a curry but I couldn`t eat a thing, sil and I went to Bistro 1 in Covent Garden, two course lunch for £8.50p and a bottle of wine!! Glad to be home though, 2 nights in strange beds in someone elses home is not the same.............I must be getting old!!
Shabs, did yer miss me ? You my friend are not depressed, that would have happened a very long time ago if it was going to happen. You miss your lovely Dad................you are still sad..........its not the same thing. xx Oh its so nice to be back!!

Don't understand whats changed on here, what d`ya mean mobile layout?

They've changed the layout on the mobile website (not the app) and loads of users are complaining about it.

Thanks, Trips. The poppies look beautiful I've seen photos over the internet. I would love to go see the Tower.

I'm so emotionally drained but so glad he's okay. It's all about his recovery now, they say he'll be back to his old self in about 6-8 weeks. I hope not, I want a happy baby! but honestly, I'd have him anyway I could get it, as long as I had him. DH is coming up Friday with DC and staying until Sunday so they can visit their brother and so I can hug them tight!!!

So tired. Off to bed. Night, ladies.

Glad he is doing well, Mama. Hopefully he might be happier now too - you never know!

Trips, I'd seen pics of that about, but had no idea it was the tower. Shall have to take a walk up there, if I get chance to go into London anytime soon.

No. Nobody's missed anything. I thought I'd mentioned it on a previous thread. I'm happy with our 4. I've no inclination to have another child. Ever. Confirmed by going all gooey over a neighbours baby girl but having absolutely no desire to have any more children myself. Spoke to dh a while ago and he wasn't keen. At the time I think he hoped I'd change my mind. But lately and especially with James the way he is, even he can't see us having more children. He vaguely said him having the snip would be the least invasive/easier option of the two. But I said I couldn't ask that of him when it's something I feel more strongly about. I've been reading up on the implant and I'm not convinced that's not partially responsible for me being diagnosed with depression - I had it done and was subsequently diagnosed with pnd. Whilst I'm sure I have/had a degree of pnd. I think the implant may be prolonging it. So I want it out. But with not wanting more dc... Oral pill isn't an option as James and the twins were conceived while I was taking it like clockwork. Things that go 'up' aren't an option for several reasons and agreed as such by gp when we discussed contraception after the twins. Hence why implant was deemed most appropriate.

Anyway, have a gp appt this afternoon to discuss options, to get results of test for carpal tunnel and also to discuss a mahoosive verruca which is very stubbornly refusing to go away!! And there was me thinking only kids got them! Mine have none. Despite a concerted effort to share my shoes!!

Thankfully Jennifer has woken up bright as a button this morning so house of ill is over for the time being. Although I'm nursing a sore foot with carpet burn from falling down the stairs earlier. Must get new slippers!

You do sound like you are going through the mill, soks!

Couple of my lot have verrucas that refuse to go. I read somewhere that treatments are pretty hopeless and they die off eventually.

good luck with the drs!

Dr was great fun. Got into waiting room and Jen decided it was the ideal opportunity to throw up. Covering herself, the floor and me with a spectacular amount of vomit!! Made poor Emily go to reception where she queued so long, I was called in. So I cheekily nudged my way to the front and politely interrupted the gentleman speaking to let the receptionist know of the mess.

Thankfully drs was easier, with Jennifer wearing one of those cardboard bowls as a hat.

I'm reducing my medication as of my next repeat. I feel so much better right now and think I've dealt with the school holidays reasonably well (considering I would fly off the handle in the past).

We also discussed contraception. Gp is still happy to refer for sterilisation. I just need to discuss with with dh and make sure it is the right thing for us. Having that chat tonight as phoned him to let him know how it went but obv not the easiest time to have that discussion.

Popped in to see parents (thankfully before Jen was sick) and have my dad his birthday present of book and DVDs. Think he was more amused by the kids birthday card of a farting elephant. But he's a sod to buy for.

How is Apollo now mama? Hope you are both well x

I've been bugged! Bleurgh.

Love my twins. While I'm snuggled on the sofa with cbeebies doing a grand job of babysitting, Joshua decides I need ice cream. This means he shoves a metal toy frostini from chuggington into my mouth while asking "you eat stwarberry ice cream?"

How's Jen today, Soks? And James, is totally adorable!

Apollo is doing brilliantly, although cranky and extremely fussy despite having medication to relax him... It's very hard to see him stress because of other people touching him and handling him. He's swaddled and has his weighted blanket and comfort toy and wrist rattles so hoping he settles down. He's now out of CCU/ICU and on the HDU. Tomorrow they hope to move him to the pediatric ward. He'll be on the usual heart monitor, oxy reader, and NG tube when he moves though.

The staff have been brilliant have listened to everything I've told them about Apollo's needs, and have always double checked with me, and they even ring me once a night to update me. DH will be here in an hour with the DC, and I can't wait (though we have alternate visits so the room isn't crowded)! I secretly think Apollo misses Artemis.

Ah meant Joshua, no idea where I got James from!

I could kiss the nurses on this ward!! They're showing me how to change his dressings now, so that I can take over (under their guidance) which will hopefully not stress him as much because it's me handling him, and I can now hold him with care!! :)

Mama - I am so glad A is recovering so well, you really have been through the mill with him. I remember when M had his lung op and was restricted by his iv lines, chest drains, O2 and ng tubes, and he was hell to settle, he fussed and cried, and was generally really unhappy with anyone but dh and I doing anything to him - it was nearly 12 years ago, but crystal clear in my memory
Trips- glad you had a nice trip to London, you deserved it.
Shabbs- I agree, you are not depressed, and anyhow, just looking at you is not enought to make that diagnosis.
Soks- it sounds like sterilisation is right for you, and hope you are less "buggified"
Chops - have you managed to get to see the poppies yet?
We have had an up and down week, Rosie cat disappeared then reappeared after 3 worrying days, boys have alternated fighting each other and plotting together, DH is getting more and more fed up with his work, so much so that I am now revamping his cv as he is actively seeking a new job, and I have had my manager congratulate me on the team and atmosphere on my unit, as a number of relatives have apparently praised me, so in this area I am feeling pretty smug.
However, we had a "parental adviser" come to see us as part of the CAFF process, (3 months after it was first suggested ), and she completely alienated dh with her attitude, demeanour and stupid advice Oh! what good advice, I would never have thought of these things ! Oh, and she suggested a reward sticker chart for good behaviour - they are almost 14, not 4 for f**k sake!