What do think about interracial relationships

[jadey0885]

Hi
Being in an interracial relationship and having 2 children who are dual heritage we have faced a lot of scrutiny from a lot of people.
I'm white and my partner is black/Jamaican.
We have been together for the past 13 years and have always remained strong. We are still young with both of us in our early 30's.
There has been times that I have approached people for to the looks and mutters and so has my partner.
My eldest daughter has already had racial slurs made towards her.

I have never understood why people can be so horrible towards a relationship.
I have always been a person to think"whoever you fall in love with is who you fall in love with" not looking at the colour,gender etc.

What do you all think of interracial relationships? And have you ever experienced anything

Thanks

Hi OP where do you live?

I've been with my partner over 14 years, same mix as you both and our child is mixed race/dual heritage.

Very rarely encountered any negativity except from some of his (very elderly ) Jamaican relatives....

Live your lives and be happy 😊

@doubleshotespresso
Surprisingly we live in London and as London is so diverse you would think we would be alright.
Most of the time a lot of white ladies are afraid of my partner and look at him as a thug.
If we are out together we get a lot of looks from girls who probs in there teens early 20's.
There was one time we was out for dinner at Nando's and I took my eldest daughter to the toilets and there was a group of girls in there. One of them were like "is that your children" I replied yes of course she is and I got told she was too black to be my child.
I made it clear to them all that I was the one who carried her for 9 months and popped her out.(that made them shut up)I also asked them why they would something like that.

I've been with my partner 15 years, we're both in our mid-30s.

The main problem that I have found is the assumption that the racial ties between me and random white people are stronger than those between me and my black partner. My partner is actually mixed race himself but white people don't see that.

For example, we went to a family party and me and DP were chatting to a couple of distant relatives that I'd not seen for years. When DP went off to get drinks, these relatives started chatting thinly veiled racist wank to me about DP (that he's good looking for a black man, that he's a naturally good dancer etc.).
What struck me was their assumption that I'd be likely to agree with these random people because we're all white so we somehow share these same feelings about non-white people rather than me siding with my DP because, you know, he's my DP.

I guess it's a question of who's 'them' and who's 'us'. I've experienced this a couple of times where me and other random white people are 'us' and DP is 'them' (i.e. it's all about race). But I see me and DP as 'us' and the rest of the world as 'them' (i.e. for us its all about who you've chosen to spend your life with regardless of colour).

I do feel as though we're being quite heavily scrutinised when we're out and about but we've always lived in very white places together.

The other issue that I've had is surprise from people when my DP rocks up and is black. I feel like I almost have to 'come out' as having a black DP to avoid awkward surprise which is itself horrible and uncomfortable. For example, I was giving a talk at work (a public event but linked to my workplace) and DP came for support. When I introduced DP to a couple of colleagues afterwards, you could just see/feel their surprise that DP wasn't what they were expecting and the biggest part of this was him being mixed race.

We don't have children so I can't comment on that but we've had several people comment that we'd have beautiful babies because mixed race babies are gorgeous. Okaaaaaay.

@SickOFant
Yes see I can completely understand what you are saying.
Especially when it comes to work.
When I've showed a picture of my partner and my kids automatically there like "your man is black" or your man is a African brother. But then after that they move slightly distant from you. Hmmm...

I just don't get it. I mean I could understand if my Nan who is her late 70's has something to say as in that era things were different BUT she loves my partner and my kids. I'm not trying to justify anything but it actually makes me sick.

And another thing is a lot of girls are actually surprised that me and my partner have been together for so long. Some mums I've spoken to from the school are shocked and expected me to be a single mother.

Like I no how to look after my man and my relationship.

Most of the time a lot of white ladies are afraid of my partner and look at him as a thug

This too. It doesn't help that my DP has an epic resting bitch-face, is always in a tracksuit, has a shaved head, and has a scar right by his eye.

I feel bad for my DP mainly when he takes our dog out because people cross the road to avoid him so my poor little dog doesn't get to meet any new friends and my DP doesn't get to meet loads of lovely dogs when he's doing the walk

I mean I'm being quite flippant here because DP has a thick skin and is used to this shit but its really sad that people make these assumptions based in no small part on his colour.

When we moved into our new house in a nice, middle class, white area there were rumours everywhere that a drug dealer had moved in. After a couple of weeks, it turned out that DP was the assumed drug dealer. This assumption that he was a drug dealer was based on very little beyond him being black.

I get asked a lot ‘where is you husband originally from?’. Reader, he is from London.

Hi OP - I am in a multicultural relationship, though the dynamics are slighly different to yours. I am white (male) and my partner and her daughter ( who I adore and regard as my stepdaughter, even though legally she isn't!) are Tanzanian. I have to say that, although we are in an area of the UK which could not be regarded as particularly diverse, we have never been subject to any open comments or hostility, but the odd raised eyebrow has not gone unoticed! However, we care not a jot as we are a strong family unit, feel, as you do, that who you love is who you love, regardless of their cultural, religious, or racial background. These, of course, are only our own personal experiences and I cannot second guess the reactions we might receive were we to have children together - that might be a different scenario, but, once again, we would not lose too much sleep over it.

That is not to say that I will ignore racism in any way, shape or form. Far from it - I have an ongoing issue at work with a 'colleague' who has shown open hostility and made vile, abhorrent rascist remarks about another member of staff. This is being dealt with, the police are involved too, as it is a racially aggravated hate crime and I am going to persue it, even if it costs me my job.

I think what I am trying to say is that my family and I just try to get on with our lives, regardless of what others may think - after all 'only dead fish go with the flow'.

Good luck, stay strong, ignore those with no cognitive ability or narrow minds!

And another thing is a lot of girls are actually surprised that me and my partner have been together for so long. Some mums I've spoken to from the school are shocked and expected me to be a single mother

YES! As I said, we don't have children but certainly when we first got together several people (white and black) told me to be careful, that he'd cheat, that he'd leave etc. People are shocked we've been together so long.

Like I no how to look after my man and my relationship
I don't necessarily understand or agree with you here though. I don't really 'look after' my partner or my relationship. I think people are shocked by that and expect me (as the woman) to work hard to keep my DP 'in check' or to keep him interested. I don't - We love each other, treat each other as equals, respect each other, we're best friends etc.

I’ve been with my husband for 18 years, married for 9, and maybe I’m oblivious, but I never notice any negativity. The worst thing we experience is people assuming that we’re strangers when we’re out in public with our children (you know, like when you’re in a queue and the assistant will serve him and try to serve me - “It’s OK, we’re together!”). That rankles with me a bit, because despite obviously being a family, standing together and talking/holding our children’s hands etc. people still assume we are strangers because he’s brown and I’m while.

I also had a few nosy chats with mums when my daughter started Reception. Where’s your husband from? North London. Oh, you mean where is he REALLY from?

But if that’s the worst thing we have to contend with, then I’ll take it.

@SickOFant
See I think it's disgusting.
That last part of your thread is out of order. It just goes to show how narrow minded people are. And this is all because of the colour of there skin and the way they look. Don't get me wrong my partner wears his tracksuits too but even when he wears jeans and shirt he still gets looked at.

I'm glad that I have other people that think like me too.

@Reginabambina
Exactly.

@Beekeeper1 I feel as though the 'reverse' situation of white man, black woman is much more tolerated and acceptable than white woman, black man.

For me, that's tied up with sexist and classist ideas about certain types of white women being 'black men's meat' (I've been called this, it was a phrase I grew up with too), and with ideas about black men being over-sexualised.

In the 'reverse' situation of white man, black woman, I feel as though there are ideas about 'white saviours' underpinning perceptions of these relationships.

Trevor Noah talks about having a white dad and a black mum and says something like 'it's the good kind of mixed race'. I can't remember it now but it's very funny and so true

@Beekeeper1
I totally understand where you are coming from and good on you to speak of your partner and step daughter like that. You sound like you know what your doing. Thanks for commenting and sharing you view. Stay strong and I wish you and your family all the best

What do you all think of interracial relationships?

I think good for them. People should be allowed to love who they love and race shouldn't come into it.

@SickOFant
I don't think I worded that bit about I no how to look after my man etc good.
But there are certain boundaries. He does what he does as a man(works takes care of his children etc) and I do the same.

I think what it was suppose to mean was we go through things in a relationship that makes us stronger. Despite all the looks etc etc..

@Haworthia
Yeah I get what you mean there I've had the same thing to.

And that bit about where is he from I say the same. I'm like he is from Tottenham. But then there like no country wise. Smh

@Strugglingtodomybest
Thanks

I’m also in an interracial relationship, 1 DS.

DH is (East) Asian, I’m white. A lot of white women I know have commented after seeing DH in real life or on a photo that he is ‘quite handsome for an Asian guy’. Or they say that they’re not attracted to Asian men but they make cute babies (after seeing my DS). They don’t even seem to realize how racist their comments are.

We live in Asia and here people are quite surprised when they hear I’m married to a local guy.
You see plenty of Asian women with white men but the other way around is quite rare. But as far as I know, DH never got any racist comments about me when he introduced me to people or has shown them a photo of his family. I do notice that DS seems to get more attention from locals here as he’s so obviously mixed race and this is something they consider this as very cute and goodlooking here.

I'm not in your situation but just wanted to add how shocked I am that people are still like this! I don't come from a very multicultural area but I've still never heard anyone talk like this. The closest I could describe is if a friend has got a new partner and I've asked "ooo, what he like, what does he look like?" And he's been described as black, tall, short hair etc. It's only ever used as a statement of fact, like having blonde hair is.

@Honeybee85
I would just say as long as your happy and that your partner are happy and you have been accepted as one then you will be strong. What kind of remarks was you getting once people were told you was married to a local man?

@lyingwanker
Thanks for sharing you comment. It still happens I'm afraid. In this day and age. People can't get over it.

I’m just saddened by some of the comments on here. It’s 2020 and we should be able to love who we want, whatever colour they are without ridiculous comments

As long as you both are happy in your relationship what business is it of anyone's else?

I remember back in the early 70's a teenage female neighbour had a black boyfriend but he wasn't allowed in the house! He had to sit in his car outside.

Thank goodness times have changed. Unfortunately you will always get some idiots and bigots who spout vitriolic crap.

One of them were like "is that your children" I replied yes of course she is and I got told she was too black to be my child.
I made it clear to them all that I was the one who carried her for 9 months and popped her out.(that made them shut up)I also asked them why they would something like that.

I would say this is ignorance rather than racism. Even in black families, remarks are made when a child is particularly fair or dark skinned. We have a complete mix in my family and some of my relatives look and sound white despite being black so comments are made when people know we're relatives. My uncle looks completely white: red hair, pale white skin and when I first met him, even I turned to my mum and said 'he can't be my uncle' and I was 12.

I used to know a very dark skinned lady with a grand daughter who looked 'white' and was a true blonde - think Mariah Carey (who is mixed race) - she was always asked by each new teacher if she had permission to collect her and was even asked what her rates were for childminding by other parents.

The problem is the way people think about race. Colour is not race. Frankly science has shown two black people from the same country can have less in common genetically than they can with someone from Europe. But the ignorance continues.

@NameChangeNugget
Thanks Hun