What do think about interracial relationships

[jadey0885]

Hi
Being in an interracial relationship and having 2 children who are dual heritage we have faced a lot of scrutiny from a lot of people.
I'm white and my partner is black/Jamaican.
We have been together for the past 13 years and have always remained strong. We are still young with both of us in our early 30's.
There has been times that I have approached people for to the looks and mutters and so has my partner.
My eldest daughter has already had racial slurs made towards her.

I have never understood why people can be so horrible towards a relationship.
I have always been a person to think"whoever you fall in love with is who you fall in love with" not looking at the colour,gender etc.

What do you all think of interracial relationships? And have you ever experienced anything

Thanks

@jadey0885 I probably should have slapped her, or at least challenged her. In reality, I just didn’t really say anything and I’m quite ashamed of that now. I think I was just really caught off guard and didn’t know how to react. It’s so hard to suddenly have to navigate these things. DH said not to worry about it, that some people are just ignorant and you can’t fight them all, but I do feel like it’s important that I stick up for DD. I guess I just need a plan for if something like that happens again so I can react properly.

Some interesting points on culture vs race on this thread - I find it all so fascinating as my family are such a funky mix of both!!
There’s me: literally see-through, vampire pale, with really dark hair. Polish parents. I speak English and Polish to my DCs.
DH: East Asian. Raised in the U.K. and speaks English and Thai to the DCs.
Then there’s my 3 DCs: DD1 & DD2, have my hair, my skin tone, but DD1 has East Asian features. DD2 has more Caucasian features, but both girls inherited MIL’s beautiful, dainty nose (Luckily not my enormous European hooter!) DS1 honestly looks like he has two East Asian parents. He has DH’s skin tone, and his whole face is just like a miniature version of DH’s.
The DCs are also multi-lingual, and speak English, Polish and Thai depending on which parent they are speaking to!
I get some crazy looks from parents in the playground when I’m yelling to my East Asian-looking DS “time to line up!!”, he doesn’t listen so then I yell “wejdź do kolejki!!” - and he follows the instruction

@Rollercoaster1920 I think it just gets annoying to be asked about your race all the time.

I currently live in my husband's country and it's just boring to constantly be asked if I can use chopsticks or whether we eat rice in the UK or to be praised because I can say hello in the native language.

It's like people see your race and not you as an individual.

I get it, people are curious, but it just gets boring and annoying after a while.

ThePolishWombat

What an amazing gift you're able to give your children. English, Polish and Thai languages.

@YakkityYakYakYak
Yes I completely understand and it's true you can't fight all of these people who think like this. As long as your happy and your partner is also happy then that's the most important thing.

Everyone's comments on here are fantastic. It's lovely to hear everyone's views on things.

@KenDodd it’s wonderful now DC1 & 2 are old enough to differentiate between the languages and understand which language to use when speaking to specific people.
When they were just learning to speak, it was a minefield!! DS went through a phase when he just blatantly refused to speak English He could understand it fine, just wouldn’t speak it. DH would ask him something in English and DS would respond in Polish.....but DH doesn’t speak Polish So if they were alone he’s have to ring me to translate what our own DS was saying Was hilarious but difficult at the same time!

This video sums up the problems inherent with the “where are you from” question. Of course sometimes it’s simple curiosity but the “but where are you REALLY from?” is definitely racist.
m.youtube.com/watch?v=DWynJkN5HbQ

@Russellbrandshair
Thanks for sharing

Haha, credit to the actress' English impressions there! I don't find the male malicious, but he sure is ignorant.

I do find with the Americas countries it is more common to ask where the family background is from, but then most are immigrants within the last 200 years.

That's a great video!
One of my friends at school was born and brought up in the UK (North London), whose parents had moved from Nigeria some time in the 1960s. Unfortunately it wasn't unusual to hear racist comments, particularly if you were a) a teeenager and b) using public transport.
In the queue one day an older white woman had been giving my friend dirty looks, friend smiled at the woman, who snapped, "Why don't you n just go back to where you came from?"
"I'm trying to, but the last bus to Wood Green didn't turn up" was my friends very controlled response.

I understand that in the context of getting to know people, particularly people who look different, we may be curious as to their heritage, but to keep badgering someone about where they are 'really from' is tantamount to rudeness. If people want to tell you, they will. It does make me wonder how many times a white person is asked where they are from.

@RiftGibbon
I'm sorry you friend had to go through that. This is the problem we have in society. It's good that she responded like that. She stood up for herself.

My friend was quite feisty, jadey. Another time, she had someone making similar remarks, about "all the darkies everywhere". She sat next to the person, nodding and agreeing ( it's important to note that her stop was coming up) and saying, "Oh yes, coming here, taking our jobs, taking our men..". She then looked at her hand, screamed "Oh damn, I'm one of them" and ran off the bus.

@RiftGibbon
That isn't nice at all. They way it makes people feel is horrible.
I just wish my children don't encounter these problems.

I grew up in an area that had a fair mix of ethnic backgrounds - Jamaican, Chinese, Nigerian, Irish, Greek and Bangladeshi, with a few Eastern Europeans around too. I always found it interesting to hear what different things my friends did over school holidays depending on culture/religion.

Are we not the HUMAN race? I am confused as to what races are involved in interracial?

Multicultural I can go with and all power to those involved.

Have not read the whole thread. I too in an interracial relationship (white and black) with dual heritage children. Apparently my kids are very distinctive looking or so they tell me.

We have had kissing of teeth when out and about and raised eyebrows. Travelling in mainland Europe was most problematic. My inability and lack of desire to tame their hair caused raised eyebrows too.

I heard this author on a podcast and thought he had an interesting perspective. His parents were mixed and his black father had grown up in segregate south America. Their son, the author then married a white french woman and his kids are blonde and blue eyed. Made him ponder race as a concept. I have not read the book but am thinking I will.

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0393608867/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?linkCode=gs2&linkId=cb689c7a5a7b19b746bdf49981f79f5e&creativeASIN=0393608867&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8&creative=9325

I'm in a mixed relationship. I'm white, and DH is Indian. My main experience of intolerance has come from Indian women. More than a few have taken the opportunity to tell DH how loose white women are, how there's no doubt I'll cheat on him or take all his money.

A few Indian men have assumed that I'm Polish and a few white people have had the audacity to ask me outright if we married to get DH a visa.

I don't give a fig who is with who or what colour they are.
I find it so shocking you get comments from strangers op, tell them to mind their own business!

This makes me so sad. I do not understand why people need to comment about or even think about other people’s relationships whether they are white/white black/black black/ white male/ female. Male/ male etc. Why can’t people just be happy that as humans we are in a great loving relationship and be pleased. The older I get the more I find all this judgemental behaviour upsetting ☹️

I’m white, DH black, both London born and bred, my family Irish, his Jamaican. We’ve been together 20 years and have two teenagers.

We’ve never experienced any prejudice towards our relationship. Both our families are totally cool with it. Interracial relationships are common in our circle.

Got a few raised eyebrows from both black and white people when visiting in-laws in the USA, but never in the UK. So far our kids haven’t experienced any overt racism either, but we live in a very mixed area of London.

DH experiences racism, though, no doubt. The police still can’t seem to accept that a black man with a nice car may actually have a good job and be driving home to his wife and kids in the suburbs, and not selling crack .

@jadey0885 My apologies for the late reply!

Well locals here are very polite so not as rude as back home. But you see the look of surprise on their face when they see us together or when I mention DH is a local. They do say things like: really?! Oh I don’t know any of such couple as you.

My DH was married before to a caucasian woman and when local men hear that he married twice with a Caucasian they think he’s a really cool and must be very slick guy with master pick up skills to marry not only once but twice someone from far away who doesn’t even speak the local language.

Which he isn’t btw. He is just a very kind and handsome guy who spend some time in Europe and decided then that he would prefer to have a family with someone from Europe.

@Dragongirl10
I know right. It's disgusting but then it's not only me as I have found out

@user1498572889
Thanks for your comment