What do think about interracial relationships

[jadey0885]

Hi
Being in an interracial relationship and having 2 children who are dual heritage we have faced a lot of scrutiny from a lot of people.
I'm white and my partner is black/Jamaican.
We have been together for the past 13 years and have always remained strong. We are still young with both of us in our early 30's.
There has been times that I have approached people for to the looks and mutters and so has my partner.
My eldest daughter has already had racial slurs made towards her.

I have never understood why people can be so horrible towards a relationship.
I have always been a person to think"whoever you fall in love with is who you fall in love with" not looking at the colour,gender etc.

What do you all think of interracial relationships? And have you ever experienced anything

Thanks

@YakkityYakYakYak it depends where you live in the US.

I have a married friend (white) who is in an interracial relationship. Him and his wife experienced more racial abuse while living in the UK than they have received living back in the US. In both cases they specificially researched where to live, but research cannot uncover that you will end up living next to racist neighbours and encounter a few local bigots even if the town/city itself is suppose to be fine.

There are nearly 400m in the US and a number of extremely large cities which are just as diverse as London. It seems silly to completely discount going on holiday to say, New York City, because of some telly show you saw

Fair point.

I have spent time travelling around the US on my own and probably will go back in the future one day. But I do think that racism is a big problem there, and for that reason I would be concerned to go with my family, particularly DD. This isn’t an impression based on one silly TV show though. It’s based on the casual racism I witnessed while I was there, including in big multicultural cities, the frightening numbers of black men who are shot by police, the fact that their president is openly racist, the stories DH’s black American family have told me, etc. Really not meaning to bash anyone, I’m sure the vast majority of Americans are decent people, but I do think these problems exist and it puts me off going.

My dad (passed away a few months ago) was (very handsome) Singaporean Chinese who met my English Rose beautiful mother in a small town in Cumbria in the 50's... it caused a huge stir but no negativity... My brother and I grew up in Manchester and both experienced playground racism and 'casual' racism in the workplace etc... but mum and dad made us feel that our differences were to be 'celebrated' and that we were 'special'... Funnily enough my DB never really felt that, but I did and have always been grateful for the cultural and familial quirks and opportunites - but I know it's absolutely not the same for everyone!

But yes, people made assumptions about dad/his background/our family whilst knowing NOTHING about him or us

@ColaFreezePop that’s so sad to hear.

Reading all of these posts I’m really not sure whether DH and I have just been lucky, or if we’re just totally oblivious to the way people feel about our relationship, as we really haven’t received any negative reactions in our 7 year relationship. Maybe I should prepare to deal with this in the future!

Reading all of these posts I’m really not sure whether DH and I have just been lucky, or if we’re just totally oblivious to the way people feel about our relationship, as we really haven’t received any negative reactions in our 7 year relationship.

I feel the same, no negative reactions in 25 years! I genuinely don't feel it has been an issue for us. Yes, I'm very aware of the racism that DH faces - increasingly so - but nobody seems to care about our relationship. Maybe it's because none of our friends or family are racist, and strangers don't really care who is married to who? Or maybe I'm just oblivious, who knows?!

Your second point on heritage. Yes heritage is absolutely fascinating but it is downright fucking racist to ask someone of colour where they are from or where they are really from, especially if you've only just met them. My DP loves talking about his heritage because it's complex (his mum is white Irish traveller, his dad is half Trinidadian, quarter Scottish, quarter Japanese) but would be hmm at a stranger asking about this.
No-one asks white people where they're from or what their heritage is.

Oh God! I can be guilty of this (I'm white British) in my defence I do also ask white people this and (maybe) worse and even more nosey I ask people their last names. I have a really nerdy interest in heritage and last names. I know it's rude and hardly do it anymore but I'm often biting my tongue dying to know. If I see or hear someone's last name I do very often ask them about it.

I’m in an interracial marriage. My H is Middle Eastern. He’s had the usual “are you a terrorist??” looks and comments. I’ve not noticed any weird looks at the two of us together though. But then I live in a very hippy/ bohemian place so that was never likely anyway

This video is really interesting as for any it showed us our unconscious racism. Many, many people assumed the wife was the nanny.

I'm sorry to all those at the sharp end of this.

@kendodd I remember that video and all the assumptions that went along with it- awful

Although the video itself was hilarious 😂

I know two little boys from an interracial marriage. One of them looks exactly like is mother, the other exactly like his father, so full siblings look completely different in skin colour but are actually of the same racial mix. They, understandably get lots of comments and questions on this. Is it fair that the boys will grow up with these comments I wonder?

I'm white, husband is East Asian.

The weirdest thing for me is people literally asking to my face if he has a small penis or if he eats dog.

People are fucking weird.

See, if people ask me where I'm from, or my parents are from, I don't get offended anymore. And I do ask white people where they're from if I hear an accent. I think its all good and part of the great thing about the world to learn about other people's background. I live in London and LOVE the diversity -learning that someone comes from a different region of the world I know little about and asking questions and learning new things.

It used it bother me when I was younger. Now I live and let live and open up, I give people the benefit of the doubt regarding their intentions first. Since then I have had awesome conversations with random people.

That said where are you really from after stating you're British is still taking the pee.

coffeeforone - that’s why those tick boxes on forms are stupid often , on ethnicity - do those 2 brothers , with the exact same parents put down ‘white’ for the white looking one ‘black’ for the black looking one (assuming black here) , so is it based on skin colour, or do they both put down mixed ? What is right, and does it matter? I hate those boxes , I have olive skin due to some unknown ‘foreign’ mix back in the family tree , but not sure what exactly so I never know what box to tick (also don’t like the where are you from question) , I usually say ‘your guess is as good as mine’. I just look a bit Mediterranean I suppose, to some people.

My dad's Egyptian and my mums English. My children's father is Indian. Which unfortunately means I've lived with racial abuse all my life and my kids might have too to. But so far they are young and we live in a nice village with mostly nice people. I'm no longer with their dad but I have to say most of the dislike we got for being together was from the older Asian community.

I’ve got to say, I don’t really give it much thought but perhaps that is because I have been in mixed race and mixed nationality relationships before. With the mixed race relationship, we were in London and never experienced racism.

My personal experience is that an international relationship is more challenging than a British interracial one.

I do recall people watching in a cafe in London about ten years ago and commenting that every black person that walked by seemed to be in an interracial relationship in contrast to the white and Asian people who were in mixed and unmixed relationships. We got up and left the table and promptly saw a black family that was not interracial. I remember that clearly because they were the exception.

It could just have been the demographics of that area (South West London) but I had always thought of it as quite multicultural.

I think a lot of people mix up racism with ignorance. Also people that are interested in people's background / heritage are not necessarily racist for asking!

To me it is all about intent. People that use race to hurt others will also use other things. Hair colour, class, culture, whatever.

I've been in a couple of mixed race relationships. And I'm in a multinational / cultural marriage (but we are the same race just different shades of grey!). That is pretty much the last 20 years covered.

The only offence I can remember feeling was from my Gran who said some rude generalisations to my partner. It felt spiteful, and that it was intended to say that my partner was fundamentally less than my gran due to their race. It hurt.

Otherwise I have had a number of conversations that some might think racist, but I don't. People were not wilfully being nasty due to race. Ignorant, Yes. Staring, Yes. Subjectively poor humour, Yes (TingTong!), but us Brits make a joke out of anything. The key thing was that I didn't perceive malice in those conversations.

I'm interested in heritage, different cultures and countries. And I do ask people where they are from, irrespective of colour. It's a conversation thing. Perhaps I've been there, or know people from there, so we have some common ground. Perhaps I would like to go, or I know nothing and then I can learn about it!

I may have offended some people in asking these questions if they thought I was being racist. But I had no malice. I was interested to learn and understand more of the person and the world. It was also how I ended up in some mixed race relationships!

I've been with my OH for 15 years (married almost 10 years). I'm black and he's white. During the early stages of our relationship he was naive about racism and prejudice, but a couple of incidents in succession made him realise that it's still prevalent. We have 2 kids, both of whom are very fair skinned (some have commented that they could pass as white) and several strangers (usually women) would ask if they were mine. I'd say yes and then they would say 'are you sure?' WTAF! It used to infuriate me, as no one would question my OH plus it would upset my eldest as she would ask why those ladies kept asking if I was her mum. I used to get funny looks from certain locals on the bus when it was just me and the kids but if my OH was also with us then those same locals seemed to be more 'accepting'.

@YakkityYakYakYak
Hi, thanks from commenting. To be honest I don't think your both oblivious to it, I suppose some people get different reactions out of people then others.
As your for colleague saying that about a child "coffee coloured kid" to be honest I think I would of slapped them.(I don't condolen violence) but that is disgusting to say..

@ColaFreezePop
See and this is the world we live in. Regardless of where you live there will always be some kind of racism. Especially you are living in a complete white area.

@YakkityYakYakYak
I do agree with to the point of black men being targeted by police. We have to remember that this also happens in the uk too.

@KenDodd it depends how it is asked. I was asked by a an and woman in a couple once. The woman clearly managed to phrase with no ill intent but the way the man asked really wound me up. The woman understood and I heard her explain to her partner why I was pissed off with him.

@LangSpartacusCleg if you go to school from about 5 with a diverse group of people are you suppose to start ignoring 70-80% of them when you hit puberty and start dating? This what people making those type of comments seem to expect.

@jennymac31
I suppose some people have to see the racism before they can act on anything. I knew about racism from when I was a young child, because most of my friends were black.