What do think about interracial relationships

[jadey0885]

Hi
Being in an interracial relationship and having 2 children who are dual heritage we have faced a lot of scrutiny from a lot of people.
I'm white and my partner is black/Jamaican.
We have been together for the past 13 years and have always remained strong. We are still young with both of us in our early 30's.
There has been times that I have approached people for to the looks and mutters and so has my partner.
My eldest daughter has already had racial slurs made towards her.

I have never understood why people can be so horrible towards a relationship.
I have always been a person to think"whoever you fall in love with is who you fall in love with" not looking at the colour,gender etc.

What do you all think of interracial relationships? And have you ever experienced anything

Thanks

@SickOFant
Your more then welcome. I'm glad I started this thread to. It just goes to show that a lot of people go through things.
It's been so great to hear what you have been going through too, ❤️

@SickOFant Birmingham based too, so I totally understand you. I grew up in inner city council which was really diverse and conversations were very open about race.
DH grew up in Kingstanding, which when he was growing up wasn't the most diverse of places and quite overtly racist, even the NF headquarters were based there.
We now live in a mainly white middle class area, think chocolate factory , everyone is lovely but at the only person of colour on my road the treatment we get differs, I may get a little wave he gets full on conversations with the neighbours that kind of thing.

I’m white, DH is asian and we have 3 mixed race DC’s.
Oddly enough, the only person to have ever been weird about our relationship was DHs mother! She was not happy at the beginning that he was dating a white girl She’d been trying to set him up with one of her friends’ daughters since his early teens, but he was having none of it.
She’s got over her craziness now though and we get on like a house on fire
I usually do the school run alone, so a lot of the other parents have never met DH. I’ve been asked a lot about my DC’s heritage because at first glance they are obviously mixed race, but it’s not immediately clear what the “mix” is if that makes sense?

@SickOFant
Your second point on heritage. Yes heritage is absolutely fascinating but it is downright fucking racist to ask someone of colour where they are from or where they are really from, especially if you've only just met them. My DP loves talking about his heritage because it's complex (his mum is white Irish traveller, his dad is half Trinidadian, quarter Scottish, quarter Japanese) but would be hmm at a stranger asking about this.
No-one asks white people where they're from or what their heritage is.

@SickOFant Exactly this especially your last line is crux of the issue.

Should have added we live in a very “white” rural village area.
There’s two asian families who’s DCs attend DC1’s school, and one Turkish family that I’m aware of.
Other than that, it’s very much White British

This is so sad to read. I live in an area where it's not so unusual. Not a big city, but there is a broad mix of ethnicities.

My DS is mixed race. His dad's parents came from Jamaica. I am white.

I don' t recall any incidents of hostility when we were out and about together - maybe there were just fewer racists in our town?

I have asked DS if he ever experienced any racism or comments pertaining to his parentage. He says not. He has just finished University which was in a smallish town which is predominantly white. I did raise the issue with the University at the open day about any issues with racism in the town(embarrassing mum) but they assured me not.

I have only once been questioned about my relationship to my DS - and that was on a flight to the US - just me and him. The female passenger sat next to me seemed unbelieving that he was mine. No, not adopted.

It's 2020 now - it's time people grew up.

The only assumption that my partner and I have been subject to (that I am aware of - though I don't know what is said behind our backs), is that she is only with a white Western male as a 'meal ticket' or an escape from poverty in a developing African country, so, yes, the 'white saviour' perception may well be a truism in that predjudiced and biggoted oafs think that

This is very wrong. HOWEVER living in London I cannot help but see that the trend isn't equally dispersed in terms of women from other countries marrying British men of other cultural extractions.

I saw a program where a woman said her parents told her if she plannd to move to America, marrying a white man was acceptable but not a black one because she would suffer rascism. Another sociologist said people have always sought to marry up the social ladder. White men are seen as the top of that ladder because of perceived white privilege. It's ultimately about class.

This is not a comfortable thought but whether consciously or unconsciously some people (of all cultures) seek to improve their social status and this will affect their mate choices. It's very taboo to say these things.

I am NOT saying that people don't love their partners or weren't genuinely just in love with them.

However I am saying if you did want a more comfortable life it makes sense to make your life as comfortable as possible. So I can see where the perception comes from.

People should be happy for others regardless of there colour. That quote that Martin Luther king said " I have a dream that my four little children will live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of there skin but the content of there character"

I live and stand by this quote.. this should be everyone.

The only assumption that my partner and I have been subject to (that I am aware of - though I don't know what is said behind our backs), is that she is only with a white Western male as a 'meal ticket' or an escape from poverty in a developing African country

DH was bullied mercilessly at school because of his heritage. People used to take the piss saying that his mum was a mail-order bride, and would impersonate the character “Ting Tong” from that vile show “Little Britain”.
It’s disgusting.

@ThePolishWombat
That is disgusting I'm sorry to hear that

@jadey0885 Thank you for your lovely reply.
I hope you can take in lot's of the positive and supportive posts on this thread.

No matter how hard life gets I always believe that there are more good people than bad in this world.
The people filled with hatred must lead such sad and miserable lives, torn up with bitterness.
You sound like a lovely person and i'm sending love and hugs to you and your family too x

I have been in an interracial relationship for 25 years. I don't think anything about interracial relationships per se, they are just relationships like any other. It hasn't really been a big issue for us to be honest, and I've never given it much thought - occasionally, people ask about it, but not really in a negative way.

DH does experience quite a lot of racism, which is horrible, but we haven't really had any negativity towards us as a couple. Teenage DD is mixed race, and likes her diverse heritage despite experiencing some racism. People usually struggle to work out what her ethnic background is, and she quite enjoys this.

The cultural and class differences have created bigger challenges for me and DH over the years than racial differences. I'm sorry that race continues to be an issue for other families, it really shouldn't matter.

In the 80s my mixed race cousin (white mum, black dad) lived with us for a little bit and my mum (white) has told me that she got some nasty comments from strangers (I think along the lines of "you should be ashamed" aimed at my mum) when they came to admire the baby in the pram and then noticed her skin colour. I think that they were in the minority fortunately.

My mum's dp is black, though quite light skinned so a few people think he's mixed race. As far as I know she's not had any racist comments about their relationship, I think she'd have told me if they had. I don't know if he has. They've been together for 12 years now. It's possible there have been looks but I'm not sure about that. We are from a very multicultural part of London though, I expect that might make some difference.

My best friend is black and her boyfriend is mixed race, his background is very mixed - grandparents who are Turkish, Portuguese and Indian and English if I remember correctly. He looks Mediterranean, like olive skinned I think you'd call it. I know she's had a few sort of raised eyebrows from some black friends but to the best of my knowledge nobody has really commented beyond that. I know sometimes people ask about their DC's heritage but she's said it's in a curious way rather than a rude way.

I used to be in a relationship with a guy from the middle East, didn't experience anything negative though we were only together for about 6 months (well I found out he actually had a girlfriend and I was the other woman, so there was that! But no racism).

I think people should be with whoever makes them happy and race shouldn't come into it. I did have a white, Irish school friend when I was younger and she had a black boyfriend. I remember her telling me that her brother said something like "people should stick to their own". I had misunderstood her to mean people should stand up (stick up!) for their friends/loved ones and said I agreed! She was very shocked and then she explained to me that he meant white people should be with white people, black with black etc, and I was a bit shocked to realise someone relatively young had that view - he'd be about 34-36 now. I wonder if he still feels the same way.

@HappyExteriorSadInterior
Aww thnx Hun. This thread has taught me a lot. I now see that I'm not alone.

Thank you so much Hun xxxxxx

@AlexaShutUp
Thanks for sharing x

I find it sad that this is even a thing to be honest. If I'm upfront you ask what I think about interracial couples and honestly I simply don't think about it. It's like saying what do I think about a 2 year age gap in couples it just diesn 't register as a thing , however I do recognise I'm not in an interracial relationship so it diesnt affect me.

My colleague is a black woman (please note I refer to her the way she has requested ) and has a white Male partner, the tracksuit comment made me smile slightly as she showed us a photo of him fir the first time (family photo with the DC in it) and the fact that he was in a tracksuit was the first comment we all made (she loves clothes and hates casual wear it's a long running joke about what we all wear to work). It took me three weeks to realise (in my defence it was a busy few weeks in a new job so hadn't considered it or seen her) why she laughed and said " the tracksuit ? That's what you comment on?" , of course she was so used to people commenting that he was white and she wasn't.

I can't honestly claim deliberate inclusivity, more that in my area its just not an issue. It's no more unusual than the fact I'm not married to my partner but we live together, it's a non issue.

I genuinely don't get why people comment in things about peoples race or background, it sort if boggles my mind that anyone would think it was ok to say things like a race makes nice babies....everyone makes nice babies fir God sake...who thinks babies are not cute whiever their parents are? (Except when they are not sleeping or throwing up....and then no baby is cute ....they are demons at that point again regardless of parents...at colic time they are clearly the devils offspring )

I can spell I promise autocorrect hates me !

It only works out if you are both mature and genuinely appreciate diversity. Not everyone does and you sound like you both do so hats off to u.

I know an interracial couple, quite close to me actually. One white and one asian.. and their relationship is quite toxic because diversity isn’t appreciated even though they love each other , or say they do.

Shiny, I am in an interracial relationship and I don't think about it either.

Culture, yes. Race, no.

@WeirdMoments
Thanks for your comment. We do try our best x

@Shinyletsbebadguys
I get your point but then you some people who don't look at culture but look at race.

I do agree with that fact that everyone does make lovely babies, it's not just multicultural relationships that make beautiful babies

@BlueHarry

Yes see some people are like that. We have had a few people that have said that to us to. White stay with white and black stay with black. But I just put 2 fingers up at them and carry on with my life.

The most important thing in my life is my family.

I do completely get that...I wasn't suggesting that we recognise all babies are beautiful in a whole appreciate all babies not just some way, I was more a bit agog that people think it's ok to make racist comments as one pp mentioned that someone had said Asian people make nice babies. I'm genuinely surprised that anyone feels that is not a racist comment to make or ok to say in any way.

In general I think it's amazing that anyone comments on anyone elses relationship , I can't imagine thinking it's ever ok to have judgement on someone elses relationship. Then again , whilst I don't have an intercultural or interracial relationship we also have parts of our relationship people find odd so to be fair my policy of non involvement may come from that.

Really interesting that this thread has popped up today as DH and I were having a conversation about this last night. For context - I am white and DH is black African/Caribbean.

We were watching a US reality dating show (love is blind on Netflix in case anyone looking for some trash TV) and an interracial couple on there kept talking about how challenging it was going to be for them and how they knew people wouldn’t accept their relationship. DH and I were surprised and were saying how awful it must be to live in the USA and how we wouldn’t want to go there on holiday in case we faced the same prejudices. We both agreed that we haven’t really faced any issues or judgement, and put this down to living in the UK.

So I’m really surprised and saddened to read other couples experiences on this thread, and I’m now wondering if we’re just oblivious or naive or if DH notices things and just doesn’t mention it to me so he doesn’t upset me. DH is very middle class in the way that he speaks and dresses and I’m wondering if that makes a difference too.

This thread has made me reflect on the way that people speak about DD though. When I was pregnant, loads of people made comments about how beautiful she was going to be, and how much they would love a mixed baby. One woman at work said how much she had always wanted a ‘coffee coloured child’ . Now DD is here and has pale skin, blonde hair and blue eyes I can tell that some people are a bit disappointed that she looks white. I want to scream ‘She’s my baby, not a fashion accessory FFS’! I do worry about how I will deal with it if she faces any racism when she’s older, I want to protect her but I honestly feel totally unprepared to deal with it.

DH and I were surprised and were saying how awful it must be to live in the USA and how we wouldn’t want to go there on holiday in case we faced the same prejudices. We both agreed that we haven’t really faced any issues or judgement, and put this down to living in the UK.

There are nearly 400m in the US and a number of extremely large cities which are just as diverse as London. It seems silly to completely discount going on holiday to say, New York City, because of some telly show you saw.

The UK can be just as racist in a lot of places.