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Original poster

How much do I charge my 20 yr old daughter to live at home?

196 replies

mumofthreex · 12/02/2010 20:51

I would like to know what is the normal amount, and how much it costs to keep them, especially how much I should charge without me making profit. I am a working single mum and buy all her food and make her dinners, special vegetarian meats too.
Anyone who does this for their child and can give any kind of amount they take and breakdown of what it goes to.
This would really help us out as we're having trouble agreeing on what's an appropriate amount.

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
differentID · 12/02/2010 20:55

I would sat a third of her income. That's what I offered my mother, and it's a realistic amount so that she still has enough to get transport to work and save a bit for her own place as well, where the costs will be much higher.

momofnearly2 · 12/02/2010 21:21

My mom used to charge me £50 a week when I was working full time and I thought that was fair.

PrettyCandles · 12/02/2010 21:26

Why would you charge her?

Until I earned a wage my parents never charged me a penny. Once I was earning I contributed to the household: I would often do the shopping and fill up with petrol. Once I became the main user of my mum's car, I took over completely all its costs. I participated in the day-to-day chores of the household.

In my parents' opinion I was living at home to save up a deposit, so there was no point taking money away from me.

Nowadays, with mobile phones, I would say it was completely reasonable that she should not make any outgoing calls from the home landline, but should fund her mobile herself. Beyond that, I would not charge my child rent.

Bonsoir · 12/02/2010 21:30

I wouldn't charge fixed costs (eg rent for housing in a property owned by the parents) but it is reasonable to ask for all or part of variable costs incurred by a child to be met by that child:

  • utilities
  • Council Tax
  • food
  • telephone/internet
winnybella · 12/02/2010 21:31

I'm with PrettyCandles on it- as long as she contributes to the costs of running the household I would not charge her rent.
Maybe she can buy her own veg meat etc?

Bonsoir · 12/02/2010 21:31

I wouldn't charge fixed costs (eg rent for housing in a property owned by the parents) but it is reasonable to ask for all or part of variable costs incurred by a child to be met by that child:

  • utilities
  • Council Tax
  • food
  • telephone/internet

It is never reasonable to take the child's income as a starting point (1/3 etc) - you must always start with the costs you as parent incur by having your child live at home, and then decide whether to charge 100% of those costs or a smaller one. Charging more than 100% of variable costs is mean unless you are really badly off.

MollieO · 12/02/2010 21:33

My parents charged my db rent when he came back to live at home after uni. They saved it and then gave it to him as the deposit for his house (don't think he'd have ever moved out otherwise ).

BelleDameSansMerci · 12/02/2010 21:34

I used to give my mum 1/3 of my wages to cover everything except the telephone. I am certain I cost a lot more than that to keep!!

heQet · 12/02/2010 21:37

I think a percentage of her wage would be fair. It's good for her to make a significant contribution. I don't think token rents are actually in the best interests of adult offspring living at home.

You are not preparing them for the reality of life by charging them £20 a month!

Original poster
mumofthreex · 12/02/2010 21:47

I work part time, get working tax credits, rent the house and have two younger children to care for (no help from their dad)
It costs me to have her here obviously. My daughter works 28-30 hours a week.
So wondering what is reasonable to ask for.

OP posts:
pippylongstockings · 12/02/2010 21:53

My mum used to charge me 1/3 of my income - 1/3 to her, 1/3 to save, 1/3 to spend - seems to work ok in theory, wish that 20 years later I could manage to save!!

It seems to be now 1/2 wages to pay mortgage 1/2 my wages to spend on childcare!

cariboo · 12/02/2010 21:58

I can't imagine charging my child rent as such but I would expect her to do her share. Some shopping, cooking, cleaning.

Ripeberry · 12/02/2010 22:00

My parents used to have 30% of my wages, and the use of me as a taxi driver and I ran my own car (they still do not have one).
They were quite annoyed when I moved in with my boyfriend as their money and free transport had gone.

PrettyCandles · 12/02/2010 22:17

But it doesn't cost you to have her in the house - you'ld still be renting and heating it for yourself and the other dc. So she ought to make a contribution towards the expenses of living with you. If you want to put it in numbers, rather than in expected behaviour, then calculate how much you spend on her, agree it with her, and ask her to contribute it.

usualsuspect · 12/02/2010 22:26

I never charged my dds rent it was their home ...

Valpollicella · 12/02/2010 22:28

When I worked part time while at college (17/18) and living at home I worked 16 hours a week and paid £150 a month which was on the cheap side I feel!

gaelicsheep · 12/02/2010 22:29

The idea of a parent charging their child to live at home is just beyond me, quite frankly. Fair enough, she should probably pay her part of the phone bill if it's that significant a cost, petrol she uses if she borrows your car for a long journey, etc. But to charge her for food, utilities etc is plain weird.

I totally agree with others who say that any contribution on her part should be in kind, not financial.

PrettyCandles · 12/02/2010 22:34

Sorry, that wasn't a very helpful statement - it's what you're saying already.

Presumably she pays for her own travel/mobile/clothes/etc. The only thing you are really buying for her is food. Keep all your receipts for a week or two, to keep track of what you are spending, and take it from that.

How about getting her to start cooking, perhaps by making dinner a couple of times a week? Does she do the laundry, or take the bins out, or vacuum? All these are things that would make life easier for you, that you can't necessarily give a money value to, but are a valuable contribution to the household. Not to mention a preparation for when she runs her own household!

PureAsTheColdDrivenSnow · 12/02/2010 22:36

£200 a month. Simples.

Original poster
mumofthreex · 12/02/2010 22:37

I think any mother would prefer to be able to pay for all their child's expenses, but some of us single parents who are struggling alone don't have much spare cash and do need a contribution towards what we're paying for them. Especially with them being an earning adult.

OP posts:
PureAsTheColdDrivenSnow · 12/02/2010 22:39

Christ - this idea that a working 20yo should have free board is daft! if she's at Uni/college then you shouldn't charge her. If she is working and technically able to have her own place, then charge her rent!

If you want to, save half her rent in a separate account and use it when she needs help with a deposit to rent her own place.

Sorry - don't get parents who let their working-age kids have free rent.

Heated · 12/02/2010 22:40

In my family it was just expected that when you started earning a wage you would contribute to the household you lived in, as you were an adult member of that household.

Both my father, mother and wider family contributed a third of their wages when they lived at home. They would also have household chores as all family members did.

Valpollicella · 12/02/2010 22:45

I'd like to clarify that my payments were never what I was told to pay...I just tried to figure out how much elec/heat/food etc I consumed in a month and I decided that would be fair. Had I been able to pay more I would have done (as my mother was single)

usualsuspect · 12/02/2010 22:45

They did contribute .they bought shopping or cooked a meal ,bought their own toiletries etc they never had chores we just all mucked in and did what needed doing .. we were all adults as you say

gaelicsheep · 12/02/2010 22:46

OK, but it would sound a lot more palatable if were phrased as a "contribution" from her towards the household running costs rather than a "charge" or "rent" IMO.

I really don't get this preparing them for the reality of life thing. The reality of life for a child living at home is that they live at home. When they choose to move out then that is the reality and they will deal with that in their own way at the time. It's like people think that children/young adults are living in some strange, unreal world.

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