How much do I charge my 20 yr old daughter to live at home?

[mumofthreex]

I would like to know what is the normal amount, and how much it costs to keep them, especially how much I should charge without me making profit. I am a working single mum and buy all her food and make her dinners, special vegetarian meats too.
Anyone who does this for their child and can give any kind of amount they take and breakdown of what it goes to.
This would really help us out as we're having trouble agreeing on what's an appropriate amount.

Thanks in advance

My dds have their own houses now .Never sheltered them

[shrugs]

I would question the upbringing of any child who grows up without the basic values of independence, ambition, and understanding the economic realities of life. But that can all happen without charging them to live in their own home.

To pick up on the point of jobs before leaving uni. Holiday jobs are one thing, but I do hope no one would be forcing their child into a p/t job while they are studying at school/uni just so they can contribute to the household expenses? A p/t job before studies are finished should be the decision of the child and for their benefit only. IMO.

I guess I was sheltered by others' standards - I don't think it did me any harm though.

gaelic - you misunderstand me (or I wasn't being clear )

When I was studying (A'levels/Uni) I was not expected to contribute anything financially at all (as it should be in an ideal situation). If your child is studying and doing a Saturday job for extra cash, then of course they shouldn't be expected to contribute.

Once I'd dropped out of Uni and was earning almost £20k a year, yet living at my parents (various reasons), of course I contributed. I was 20 and paid at least £200 a month plus phone bill.

isn't studying (not is studying) oops.

"I would question the upbringing of any child who grows up without the basic values of independence, ambition, and understanding the economic realities of life. But that can all happen without charging them to live in their own home."

But if the parent(s) are on a very low income then they may not have the luxury of not expecting the child to contribute. In some cases it's not about the child paying so that the parent has more disposable income it's about the bills being paid and food etc being provided.

I can't provide a lump sum for my DDs and I'll be unlikely to be able to waive any contribution from their income in order for them to put it towards deposit for rent/mortgage.

Principles are great if you can afford to have them.

No, I was going off on a tangent again - I've got a habit of doing that. It's just that I have seen that happen, even kids being pretty much forced into leaving school so they can start paying rent etc. I think that's probably why the whole concept of kids paying rent to their parents riles me.

You see, when you phrase it like your own situation then I think that's fair enough. You were an adult and wanted to behave like it. In your situation it doesn't sound like your parents "charging" you.

I suppose the situation of a young adult actually wanting to live with their mum and then spending all their cash on useless tat and going out is just so far removed from how I lived my life, I just can't relate to it.

pureasthecolddrivensnow
'Kids that get a free ride from their parents, kids who haven't had a job until they leave Uni at 21, kids who get everything done for them - they're they useless shits that blame everybody else for they're misgivings.'

Bit of a sweeping generalisation there, I reckon.

I agree with gaelicsheep on some points. Whilst my children are in education I would rather they concentate on that instead of needing to work to pay board.

If I was in a position to afford it, I would rather they saved for when they do have to step out on their own.

As for paying a percentage of their income, I really struggle to see how this is fair. If they have a higher paid job they will still cost the same to feed and house. Imagine if they went to view a rental property and were asked how much they earned in order that the landlord could charge a percentage of that.

If I was struggling I would ask for help with food shopping and some bills rather than try to profit financially from them.

Spotty - I have already accepted that in circumstances like the OPs it may be necessary to ask for a contribution, and like I said any young adult worth their salt would realise this and offer it.

The thing that's getting me is the whole "make them pay their way to teach them about the real world" business.

I still managed to save up a deposit for my flat, take holidays, party all weekend etc.

I honestly don't think I could've lived the high life as I did whilst my parents were just about making ends meet and NOT contribute?

Haven't read the replies just the OP. When I was earning £75 pw I paid my mum £25. Many of my friends for years paid their parents a paltry sum or nothing and never realised the value of money.

My mum needed the money, I was pleased to contribute and whilst am still crap at maths have never lived beyond my means and understand budgeting far better than others with a much greater mathematical ability. I also understand how important it is not to abuse your parent's generosity and to pay back for all those years support you had.

MoreCrack - I did say that while our kids are studying then they shouldn't be expected to contribute.

In my experience, the kids who had parents to pay for everything, give them £20 for Friday night, didn't ask for contributions are the parents who had the kids that wombled about, didn't get a job til 20!
(just referring to my diverse group of 20n when I was leaving school)

If you are 20. If you are living at home. If you are earning a living wage. You should pay rent/contribution/bills.

nothing to do with 'teaching' in a way. YOU'RE 20! YOU SHOULD ALREADY HAVE LEARN#T THESE LESSONS.

Taffetacat - is that how you feel about your own DC(s) too? That it's so much bother bringing them up, feeding and clothing them that you'll expect them to pay you back for supporting them as children? Sorry if that's completely misrepresenting your post, but that's what it sounds like.

My own parents view on this, FWIW, is that I might well end up doing plenty of paying back in kind, and otherwise, when the roles are reversed later in their lives. Therefore while they could help and support me they were happy to do so.

gs - do you have teenage kids that you are applying this logic to?

No, but when I do I will apply this logic. My opinions come from how I was treated as a teenager, and how teenagers close to me have been treated (quite differently). I wasn't given loads of spending money either btw. £5 a week when I was 16 IIRC plus a £10 a month clothes allowance for non essentials. But then I wasn't a typical teenager - I was too busy studying for music college to go out much and I never have craved material things. I guess I was weird, but it's stood me in good stead now that I can't afford to go out or buy things even though I might like to!

It seems to be the phrasing of the arrangement that you object to, gaelicsheep. If it was 'make them put aside a portion of their income to be saved/help towards household expenses to teach them about the real world' would that be better?

If your parents were able to support you financially meaning that you were able to save towards your own place then that's great. I can't see a thing wrong with that.

When I talk about paying their way I mean they are making up the shortfall. If I didn't need it then I'd expect them to save part of their income for their own use later on. Isn't that what most people think? You make it sound like a punishment on the part of the parents. I'd hate to think that parents are hoarding their children's contribution in some 'retirement cruise fund' and telling the kids 'it's for your own good'.

GS - if you weren't a 'typical teenager' (oh, how I hate that phrase) then you hvae no room to comment IMO

The first option's good, the second one is the one I'm objecting to (along with the concept of charging).

And I absolutely can't stand the concept of kids feeling obliged to pay their parents back in monetary terms purely for being their parents. Like I said, there's time enough for making things right and equal if and when our parents need us to care for them later in life.

My parents still occasionally help us out financially (their choice, while my employers fanny about deciding if they're going to pay me a proper wage for the work I do). No doubt I'll be shot down in flames for that. But I help them out in other ways - shoulder to cry on, practical support while my mum was in hospital, etc. etc. That's what families are all about isn't it?

I aree with BelleDame. WHen I lived at home I gave my mother one third of any wages I earned - starting with my saturday job at 15 years old and ending when I left home to set out on my own. I know now that everything I gave her she used back for me one way or another but I did not know or, perhaps, fully appreciate it then. It made me feel very good o contribute to our household, made me appreciate what it is like to have to budget, to understand the work ethic.

I think anyone receiving income (whether benefits or wages or both)and living in a household should contribute to that household, - otherwise its freeloading and taking basic provision for granted.

Why not? My views are as valid as anyone else's, and my DS will be brought up according to them. Perhaps I wasn't a typical teenager because I was brought up to understand the concept of responsibility from a young age.

GS - why would you still accept help from the parentals?

gs - you;re coming across like you think you're superior. You were brought up a certain way. This does NOT give you right to pass judement on anybody else.
(in case you were wondering)

Actually, reading this thread is making me conclude that my family is fairly abnormal, which is probably not far from the truth. I do count myself very lucky to have generous parents who have continued to give my DB and I loads of help and support in all kinds of ways. DH and I will endeavour to do the same with DS and DC2 and I don't see anything wrong with that.

And if anything happens to my dad, my mum knows that she will have a home with us if she wants it - for which she will not be charged rent.

I agree with you that it shouldn't be viewed as paying back the parents although I understand the thought process behind that. If you've seen your parents struggle to bring you up then it's understandable you'd want to make things a bit easier for them financially if you're able to. All the other family things like practical and emotional support still apply too of course.

I don't understand why saving for their own benefit is good but contributing to household expenses (when not contributing would cause hardship) is bad.

When a life is spent without financial security then it becomes a priority that whoever can contribute will do so. That's just the way life is for some families. It doesn't mean the child is any less loved or that the parents wouldn't go out of their way to help that child out if they ever needed it financially or otherwise. It's not a punishment it's an economic reality.

I'm not passing judgement I'm passing comment. I can't sleep and I'm bored. And my parents don't take no for an answer, been there and tried that. It's on a loan basis anyway, until I get the 2 years of back pay that's due to me - I'm not going into it any more as that's a whole other thread. In my family we all help each other out however we can - that's how it works for us. Actually my parents can be quite stifling at times - control freaks even. I'm not sure I'll be passing that particular aspect of my upbringing onto DS. But I'd still rather that than have parents that resent the expense of my existence.

But once again SpottyMuldoon, I did say that it's fair enough if there is real hardship and that I would expect a child to volunteer under those circumstances. But I wouldn't expect them to contribute on principle IYSWIM.