How much do I charge my 20 yr old daughter to live at home?

[mumofthreex]

I would like to know what is the normal amount, and how much it costs to keep them, especially how much I should charge without me making profit. I am a working single mum and buy all her food and make her dinners, special vegetarian meats too.
Anyone who does this for their child and can give any kind of amount they take and breakdown of what it goes to.
This would really help us out as we're having trouble agreeing on what's an appropriate amount.

Thanks in advance

oh, gs... of course you don't charge your Mum rent?!
You'd have to be uber heartless to do so.

Don't feel weird - most families have tge idea that if you are earning then you should contribute to family life

if you're rich enough to not bother with such bullshit, then fine.

regarding your first po - you are wrong. sorry.

My own household is not rich by any stretch of the imagination. A single wage which is well below the national average. My parents are comfortably off, yes, and I am lucky or we'd have starved this last year.

And as I said, contributing is fine, charging is not.

I never said anything about contributing or charging.

simple(s) fact is that a 20yo should be expected to pay her/his way.

be patient please.

But it's not resentment!! It's not a case of 'Right now you're earning it's payback time'.

I'd probably finance my daughters for ever if I could afford it. I wouldn't be doing them any favours though. There will be noone to help them out and it's better for them not to rely on other people anyway. If money should ever come their way then it will be a fantastic bonus not something that should be relied upon.

Earlier on LittlePushka said that a lot of her contribution came back to her in lots of little ways that she didn't appreciate at the time. If someone had the type of parents that took their 'keep' and hoarded it or spent it on themselves then I doubt that child would be at home for very long anyway. It should all go to benefit them and the whole family and in most cases that's exactly what happens.

If it all goes into the same pot why does it matter what you call it?

Contributing/charging is semantics IMO. It is of the same effect and for the same reasons. Earners should contribute/be charged, whether they like it or not. It is exactly how we run the social support in this this country - no different in the micro economy of one household.

I didn't pay my parents rent or any part of my wages - but then I left home as soon as I got a full time job, and my Saturday jobs were necessary for me to have any money of my own as we didn't get pocket money. I worked Saturdays throughout my degree as well, and that money made up the shortfall in my grant that was as a result of me living at home (my parents gave me no money, just my board and lodging).

IF I had stayed at home when working (not something I could contemplate, Mum and I were at loggerheads by then) I would have expected to pay rent. My brother didn't leave the parental home until he was about 28, even shipping his GF in to live there as well - they paid rent but not a huge amount, not a commercial amount anyway. I think it was £100 a month, but as my bro was earning nearly £30k a year at the time, that was him taking the piss somewhat)

As for paying rent allowing the sons and daughters of the house to do what they like, sod that! I had lodgers for years and there were house rules that they had to follow or they got kicked out! Progeny are less likely to be kicked out by their parents as the parents have had to put up with ghastly teenage attitude for years already, so actually said progeny will get away with far more at home, paying rent, than they would in outside lodgings (with the possible exception of "sleepovers", although both my bro and my sis had their OHs living with them at my parents' home )

I think we're going round in circles. I agree with a lot of what you've said actually.

I am objecting to people (who do exist, because I know them) who charge their children to live in their own home and then continue to treat them like kids and impose parental ground rules on them. We all project our own personal experiences into discussions like these.

I think I'm very much hoping that DS plus one aren't still living at home by the time they're in their twenties.

(Why will I never learn to walk away instead of still being up arguing my position, by myself, at 1:25am?!)

Sorry, completely failed to answer the OP there - I don't know how much you should charge her, but as several people here have suggested 30-33%, that seems a good guideline. OR you could work out how much her food costs, plus her extra usage of utilities for showers, leccy, washing etc. and charge her just what she costs you.

That was to PureAsTheColdDrivenSnow. I'm going to bed now as I've nothing further to add. Live and let live etc.

My parents didn't charge any of us for living at home past school. But my mother did expect us to do a fair share of chores (cooking several times a week, gardening and whatever other things she felt needed to be done) and to know all about our lives. None of us stayed at home very long post university, because once you have left home then slipping into being a child again isn't very comfortable.

I certainly wouldn't be cooking all an adult dd's meals, and no way would be buying and cooking her special meals. But then I will be expecting my two to start cooking and pulling their weight seriously in their teens. Personally I think that is the skill I wish to equip my children with most, alongside managing their own money sensibly.

For the OP I'd sit down with your dd, and set out the bills, heating, electricity, phone, shopping, rent/mortgage, etc and just talk her through the costs of the household so that she understands the expenses. At which point I'd rather hope that she makes you a good offer of support, but if not you should have a good idea by then of what help you need, and what extra costs (and indeed any benefits) there are in having her at home.

I am beyond astonished that there are so many people saying they wouldn't charge something. This is a 20 year old! Saying it is their home is irrelevant. It is your homw too but you have to pay for it. This is a grown-up not a child. If the OP's aughter is not working then that is different. If she is a percentage of incone is a good idea. I think a third is a bit high but maybe a quarter. Sayig she should just pay for her mobile phone and buy a bit of food strikes me as incredibile!

No wonder we have so many young people who can't cope on their own if their parents feel that at 20 years old they should still financially provide everything for them.

When I left university and started working I moved home for a few moinths. I paid my parents £200 a month and that was 25 years ago when I was earning about £900 a month. I still saved loads of money as it was much cheaper than if I had moved out.

My parents didn't actually need the money and wanted me to pay less but even at that age I WANTED to pay a reasonable amount. I was an adult and wanted to behave like one

dam my dc have to do chores now and there 15,12 7, and 4 if they want any pocket mney and yes they do get treats from me that dont come out their money.And trust me ds1 and ds2 chores are probably way beyond what most teenagers do

And things have been very tight recently with saving up for deposit on rental house and need to replace everything that was damaged not by me or dc long story and not reverlant

But both ds1 and ds2 have given up their pocket money of own accord and asked that its put towards saving up for new place.So dont think expecting them to earn their pocket money has caused them any harm proud mum emotion.

I payed rent once was earning and yep i probably had back tenfold but it gave me pride lol let alone the right to refuse to eat Liver any more.

so once ds are earning yep will expect them to contribute finacially and still with chores

As soon as I started work at 18 my Mum asked me for something to contribute to the household budget - I can't remeber exactly how much that was - but considering that I didn't have to do the shopping , any washing , or cook anything ans used the phone when I wanted ( days before mobiles !) I thought it was fair .
But then when I joined the police force and had rent allowance - then all that went to Mum - again can't rember how much that was but in 1986 I think about £100 per month.

I see nothing wrong with charging them.

I would dearly love to not need a contrubution form dss2, his gf and pending baby

but them being here has shot up my council tax and I have all the bills that neils wage paid without neils wage

am I going to be mean to ask for a contribution form dss2 wage??

considering that them living here is going to be a long term thing
vry long term

Mumofthreex
This thread has kicked off a bit!
I have a 20 year old living at home and i charge him board and expect him to pull his weight around the house.
At the moment he is unemployed and receives £50 a week. I charge him £15 a week for his board. I am sure he costs me much more than that in the electricity for his laptop alone.
When he was working, I charged him £30 pounds a week.
In return he gets somewhere to live, his meals cooked, his clothes washed and free internet acces.
He has to prove to us that he is applying for jobs. He also has chores, such as taking the rubbish out, emptying and filling the dishwasher, hoovering and cleaning the windows.
I am shocked by the number of parents on this thread who wouldn't charge their children anything.
I can't help thinking they will feel differently when they actually have a 20 year old living in their house.
They are not just bigger versions of a 3 year old. OK, maybe they are

I only have 2 littlies but would definitely expect a contribution if they're still here when they're 20.

I think a third to a quarter of their income is reasonable.

What does she think she should contribute?

Call it charging, call it contributing if that makes you happier, but my kids will be expected to pay board and lodging if they live with me when they're 20.

Not when they're three though. I get child benefit for them at that age thanks.

gaelicsheep - sorry late reply

I'm not sure where you got that it was a bother. I meant I guess that I see a lot of peers just take take take from their parents and never give anything back and as a daughter I don't want to be like that.

I haven't thought about it with my own DC yet as they are only very little. But I probably am bringing them up to value a person's contribution rather than take it for granted,iyswim.

I have told both my dd's when they have a job they will pay 20% of their wages to live here.

Then it doesn't matter what they earn they will both contribute the same amount of their wages.

Oh and to add, it will cost me to have them living here! I will have to pay full council tax from august and if they weren't with me I could have a much smaller place which would incure much smaller bills {smile]

It isn't a case of me wanting there money I can manage on one income and some tax credits but when they are adults they will have to pay there own way.

I'm on benefits so Mum asks me and OH to pay £10 a week, once we start getting work she only wants £20/£30 each, but we'll likely give £50 which I think is fair.

I would expect a bit for council tax bills food etc if they were earning a decent salary.Wouldn't charge rent as would still like to have a say in what does and doesn't go on in the house which I don't think is easy to impose if everything is split.I want my ds to have at least some years having fun and being able to travel and socialise before reality really kicks in!