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Original poster

Pressing charges for rape

554 replies

JustThinking · 22/05/2005 22:36

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Flossam · 22/05/2005 23:19

Please do do something. This man has injured you on many levels. He should not get away with it. Why should he be free to live his life whilst yours has been so badly affected?

Original poster
JustThinking · 22/05/2005 23:20

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peanut · 22/05/2005 23:21

Yes absolutely, remember you have nothing to be ashamed or embarrased about. You did nothing wrong and men like that rely on our shame to keep their crimes secret.

hellomama · 22/05/2005 23:21

You friends don't necessarily have to find out. I don't think anyone can say what they would do in this situation as we would all probably react differently. I can understand why people come forward, and I can understand why some people choose not to. It is a personal decision. But its worth remembering that even if you did make enquiries to the Police, or the Haven or wherever, it doesn't mean you have to pursue it if you decide to change your mind at a later date.

marthamoo · 22/05/2005 23:21

JT, no I wouldn't - I'd be concerned for her, and I'd want to support her in any way I could. I'd put the blame where it belongs - on him.

Original poster
JustThinking · 22/05/2005 23:23

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hellomama · 22/05/2005 23:23

i think most of us have put ourselves in situations where, in hindsight, we can see how silly we were and thought of all the things that could have happened. So no, I wouldn't judge a friend. At the end of the day, she wasn't the person doing something wrong was she?

peanut · 22/05/2005 23:23

I personally would never judge a friend or anyone else. They will not blame you, please don't let that fear hold you back.

Flossam · 22/05/2005 23:23

Fine, I completely understand. I am in East London if that is any use to you, and you want to CAT me in confidence, I really want to be of some help if at all possible. Whilest you can report a rape any time after it happened, the quicker you do it the better. Better for that DNA evidence on your clothes, lots of reasons. If your friends are you real friends they will rally round you. Things like this often root out who really cares and believes in you from those who aren't worth bothering with. Worry about you no-one else.

lemonice · 22/05/2005 23:24

I would support you because I've been there but your friends will support you whatever but I 100% understand you're scared

serenity · 22/05/2005 23:24

If you were my friend, I would want to know what happened.

I would want to be there for you, and help you get through this. I would need to do everything possible to punish this man for daring to lay one finger on you.

This was not something you did or didn't do, this was something that was done to you, and no blame or shame can ever be attached to you for that.

hellomama · 22/05/2005 23:25

Do you think you could get in contact with a Haven centre? Is that something you think you could do? You don't have to contact the police directly at all then, they can do all that for you. Or you can just get help and advice and not get the police involved at all if you chose not to. However, this man could do this to someone else couldn't he?

Flossam · 22/05/2005 23:25

Also what sort of time roughly has passed since this happened to you?

hellomama · 22/05/2005 23:28

Also if you look at the Sapphire site I posted the link for, there are many other saxual assualt referral centres (like the Haven) all over the country, so it doesn't matter if you're not in london.

hellomama · 22/05/2005 23:30

Am off to bed now, but i mean it about the CAT if you need it.

Original poster
JustThinking · 22/05/2005 23:31

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Original poster
JustThinking · 22/05/2005 23:32

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hellomama · 22/05/2005 23:36

Still not in bed I think your friends won't know what to do, but they will be there for you in whatever way you need them. Also, it doesn't matter if you had slept with no-one before or 100 people, rape is still rape, even if you are 30 years old and drunk. So please don't think you will be judged because of that.

lemonice · 22/05/2005 23:38

It doesn't matter how old you are , just talk to an experienced counsellor and take it from there but go through and and get through but ask for help... but you are you still the same person whatever

hellomama · 22/05/2005 23:38

The Haven truly is a wonderful service, even if you only end up going to them for advice. Go as soon as you can though, even if it means a day off work or you have to take the kids (they have facilities), as you won't regret it and the sooner you go the more evidence they will be able to gather for if you do decide to pursue the matter.

Original poster
JustThinking · 22/05/2005 23:40

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Original poster
JustThinking · 22/05/2005 23:41

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lemonice · 22/05/2005 23:42

yes

Original poster
JustThinking · 22/05/2005 23:45

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hellomama · 22/05/2005 23:46

Yes I do think the Haven will be a better service because they deal with sexual assualt all day every day. They know the right questions to ask, how to deal with injuries and how to preserve evidence for it you want to pursue a case. Your GP may not have had a woman who has been through this before. If you live in London though and your s/he is aware that you had been assualted, then they would probably refer you to the Haven anyway as it is a gold standard service in sexual assualt / rape.

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